It would also feel less hurtful when she gushes over TV for something the family she made deals with.

She can't relate past the family that made her deal with it.

It always is about her and Bob.

Like every connection still has to be from her family. And her family is not us.

Which is crazy because she made us.

I get bored a lot
More so I am lonely

As a child I wanted
People to hold me

Stages overlapped
Growing up too fast

Slipping through gaps
Running to collapse

I heard a theory
It was a nice thought

That I hated my skin
It wasn't mine I was in

Mine was still waiting
Snoring and cranky

For me to find again.

Floored was the norm
Worry was the game
All things ignored
I'm also to blame

Things were never good
Twilight always came

Looks and nods
To put it simple
It felt sane

At anniversaries
I collected cards
Tried to wink
Say the right things

Except for Christmas
With anger and no heart
You left us to miss us

I didn't even start.

Say something out loud
You will have to acknowledge it
Many spend their whole lives
Repeating the most crucial sentences
They will ever create
Solely within their head

Peter Peter had a wife and probably beat her.
He bought her with her father's farewell
No one asked. Nor should you either!
When is the last time you've seen her?

It's so loud
The silence
In my ears
And it hurts

They died.

I can't hear
It's so loud
I'm leaning
Just to listen

A laugh
Or a whistle
Three blinks

I'm trying.

I used to write about the fog
A place I couldn't handle
Everyday I grasped at straws
For my hand just to land on

Grass near a home
A **** that felt gold
Something for me
To hear and to hold

I wish I could feel the fog
I feel like I could find you
I think I know the path

Believe me
I wouldn't
Lie to you

Monday you are a drunk

(Not trying to steamroll)

Tuesday you are lazy

(Let me have a moment)

Wednesday you are asleep

(I guess I shouldn't finish)

Thursday it can be crazy

(Nothing is wrong)

Friday keep a diary

(Loneliness for me)

Saturday you are blazing

(I won't say a peep)

Sunday is for family

(Invite me)

Step, jump, hop
Walk backwards
And maybe call
Unless it's too late
Then crawl

That's the combo
Don't speak at all
If you know the tune

Turn, step, dip
Bring her back
And around again

She can't be ready yet
It's the pesky bit

Ask her to stay
Belittle her day
And walk away

Slide, turn, bow
Smile for the crowd
Bring it on home

When it's said and done
All closed doors creak
Darker than you believe

They're always here
Beneath the floor
Detached and fatigued

How are you today?
Tell me about yourself?
Why do you scream?

Because I plead
For an answer
A little comfort

To be seen

I see it
I smell it
It always stays
The way you walk away

It's finite
It's strong
I know it well

If you stay
You have to say
The words

Either way
I will play
A role

My name is Anne
It happens too much
I get sad and confused
I don't want to make a fuss
I've been hit and bruised
I've been touched
I have been used
For another's rut
It's ok to be sad
It can feel like too much
People have hurt me
I am enough

It's probably somewhere
Under couches and stairs

Hiding issues

Splitting hairs


That kinda thing
Look at me
I'm hurting


It's not there.

I miss you

You can't see this

Inside jokes
Restaurants
Laughing
High fives

It's hard to walk away
I love some memories

Questions
Distrust
Anger
Bruises

You can't see this

And that's ok

Stop praying for someone
Who can't be here today
Pray for the person
You see everyday

It's easy to look
At your own grave
Stop praying for help
Ignoring the signs
We are all tired
Of your design

Sent off to breathe
Whistle at Linden trees

Waiting in the wind
Counting branches
***** jeans again

I didn't fix the process
Pleasure as an offset

Time to walk away
Nothing to see

Hinge

Thank you for the details
Forever in the sand
Guidance is a gesture

It's bland

I lived a life with you
Never looking down
We spun around
Falling in different lands

Your negligence is modern
It's new for our daughter

He's working today
We can try tomorrow
You know I hate to lie

Now I'm a liar
I tell my daughter
Daddy is coming

Why?

Gathered today, are the feelings
we never knew what to do with

The thoughts we left alone

Our fears of being accepted
And the guilt of those untold

A pleasing smile or shoulder hug
Climbing our own ladder

A few dozen waiting by the track
For a train that doesn't matter

The worst and unappealing
Hugging the nearest rail

I haven't told you and please don't think too much
Whenever rain is nearing, there's a trickle of self doubt
It reads as more endearing, than I sometimes announce
Along the way and underneath, a pillow spun a story
It harmonized our memories and it sounded safely alluring

In hindsight, humming made speaking tough
Weeds covered up the windows with disregard of spray
Coded words formed sporadically and less likely to behave

This keeper is guided by a crutch
Casually mentioned; it's pouring
They say anyone can be brave
More truthfully, a single touch
Can walk you to the grave

Blues and snooze
Used or abused
Lost in admiration
Sound asleep
All possible sheep
Kept for presentation

Slick and slimy
Pushing behind me
Fall to be free
Breaking on the way
Without delay
It's all very timely

Repeat and found
Nose to the ground
Listen for the tune
You'll lust for noon
Until you walk away

Draw the blinds
Trapped and angled
Hidden all the time
Quietly mangled
Pretend to be fine

Siren's chase plates
Down an alleyway
Fear is a taste
A tongue
Working is an errand
Lives are not a
stowaway
Tax return railway
Sport can't clause in sin
Only humanity
Burn their own bridge
And piliage within

A sign reads follow me
Into the trees
We explore
Whipping past branches
Lungs sore
We zigzag

Feel the passing breeze
Mistakes and chances
They walk on all fours
Close to the ledge
Dry cough
We drag

Lost in the weeds
A voice announces
On the floor
Crutched and wheezing
Still alive
We flee

[If you called to pick apart everything I say]

I didn't call to deconstruct
Plagiarize or pretend
The daily tone is easier
A very mild

Bl end

Sometimes I stutter
It's enough to want to speak
Eye contact is another

[Okay]

Of course it's a he
It's developmental play
You say she and they
Pronounce we
Forget the words
Open up
They are grey

Humanity on the table

I spoke my truth
Ignorant yet abled
Interested in our youth

Mouth trapped with anger

I waited for a word
Leaning on my cover

Let's go inside

Held by the sword
Marking a new path

It crumbled
My fable

Press play:

Sensitivity has a dilution
A crutch of pollution
Pull up your sleeves
Sign here; it's nothing
Delighted by gumption
Anger to please
I'm spending and speaking

Skipping while speeding

A life that is mine
Plural me is fine
Zebra in the room
Taste of a perfume
Dandruff nearby
Unlatched or able
Benched and be tabled


Ignore the zoom

Speaking directly;
You are inappropriate.

I'll talk to you tomorrow
I hear it and I swallow

I wish you would
A mirror

Time borrowed
The risk in speaking

Seems silenced
Weakened

Run.

I try
You're kin
Tried

Why try

Asleep
Away
Above
Between

Pry

Tears
Careers
Worth

Mimic
Cryptic
Search

Predator
Prey
Perch

I am loved
To an unbelievable degree
Fear of losing you
Brings me to my knees

Please don't go
I scream my plea
Everyone left
Can't you see?

It's just me.

I ruin things
My story will prove it
Don't lie to excuse it

It's me and I'm sorry
I am hard to harbor
I come with a daughter


I'm jarring.

As much as I love being unloved
there is always a limit for me

Quiet nights are a better plight
to hear the words before us

Hush!

Stop all.

Breathing,
Returning,
Repeating.

Variance.

Crowded exploration,
Yellow expectation.

Collision.

They didn't stall.

Ambulance;
Deadly trance.

Crawl.

Hear me try
Before a ghost
Of she, them or they
Believe it or not
Crumbs make toast
Of thee, we or whey

I had two, one and none
Split personalities to please
On a timeline I grew numb
Hardship overseen

Tonight I push forward
Never killing the dream
Forgiving every sordid
Hidden memory not seen

Baby born
Knees and toes
Where is Daddy?

He has fees
Haven't
You
Been told?

Knights are nice
Simple is better
I hate twice

Needed
It's heated

I wish I was faulty
My dad didn't want me
Sorrow blurs and alter

Murmurs

Nashville Cats

I'll paint and help you
Back to model planes

It was a boy's club
And that was fine

Mental issues

I graduated without you

I've been here before
Humor me

explore

New route
Subtle doubt

fear

Stop lurking
Train stops here

okay

It smells dry skin
Lust and sin

run

Sadness doesn't own me
We are merly friends
Sadness tests me more
Now that I've put an end

I said goodbye
And goodnight

What more?

Freedom to dream
It's something I look for

But,

Sadness is my friend
And she stays around

Hugging.

Everytime I ask when?

Liquid walls distort your voice
They guide me to the undertow
Groomed to be a sacrifice
I close my eyes and let go

Haunted by tomorrow
Glued to the clock
I am not ready to swallow
A life outlined in chalk

I am underwater
People pace above my head
Ready for the slaughter
I am pronounced dead

I play the victim.
I'm told.

Play the card;
Fold.

Perjury is a friend.
They hustle on a Sunday.

Oh my dear.
A dead end.

The jack of diamonds.

I stir the ***
Stop that thought

Don't hurt me
Don't get caught

What do I do?
You left a bruise?

Who are you?

Sorry more
Hearts are sore

Goodnight;
I walk away

I am alone
Eat Tylenol
See vinyl
Skin crawls
Call a friend
Busy call
Take my meds
Night falls

I am alone
Drink alcohol
Promises
No will at all
Stuck at work
Growth is stalled
Home again
Floor I crawl

I am alone
Let's pretend
Press repeat
Question when
Push through
Only pain
Phone call
Revoke
A wall

A letter to my daughter:


Be strong in where you stand.

Your Mother and your Father,
Made you with a plan.

We sought a life much different,
From what we learned so far.
A diligent and honest interest,
In hope of lesser scars.

Your Mother and your Father,
We were never meant to be.
Not an end all be all,
Because together we were free.

Tomorrow we brace the future,
All of us stand strong.
Singing a familiar song,
Remembrance is the key.

You don't only bring us love,
You allow us to renew.

And if you ever doubt yourself,
Let me see you through.

You're gone.

Indefinitely?

Her and him;
And me.

Him and her;
There's three.

Them and thee.
They'll see!

I ask again,
Please.

I'll see you around
In the center of town
You hold closest to your heart

You'll hear a sound
Tilt the crown
Tuck the tail between your legs

Our common ground
The feelings we drown
Words we should have left unsaid

Hero in our textbook
Hide me from the next fix

It's too late
Look away

Subliminal crook
You get the jist

Chapter nine or rehab

Family and a daughter
I cry
It doesn't bother

What am I?  
A monster?

Maybe

I wait
A **** star?

Have you ever seen a ghost
But it was someone that you knew
Alive or at least more than most
Someone looking for a clue

Have you ever told a lie
Promised it was for the best
Grieving yet forbidden to cry
Wake up, shower and get dressed

Have you ever forgiven yourself
Looked clearly in the mirror
Accept the cards you were dealt
And appreciate who appears

Dreaming of Oblivion
Blood and druge through
Clouds still in anger

Aware
And
Prepared

Speaking of forever
Gasps and laughs grew
Grass never finer

Brief
Maybe
True

He fell asleep on my floor
The air is different for me

He opened a door
And then a drawer
I grovel on your knees

Ladies and men
We like to pretend
The roles of who we please

The symptom of an income
Harboring distrust

Bank accounts and whereabouts
Shoulder nod
Another facade
A deadly game we play

Forever young and steady
Regardless of the say

Can we talk tomorrow
It's better just that way