Saying my "goodnight"s to God my prayer inadvertently strays
As my mind starts to wander in a million different ways.
I reflect on where we started thousands of years in the past,
When our first parents made a poor choice with consequences that would a long time last.
Imagine:
Not having to pray to God thru Christ his son
But rather speaking to him as a friend one-on-one.
As you walk in your garden with no property bounds
You delight in the peace with the animals & the variety of sounds.
But alas that deadly bite they took
And the hope of everlasting life forsook.
Their once perfect bodies now began to decay
And onto their offspring this curse did relay.

So the wheels in my head now spin
To my inheritance of sin
And my determination to overcome
The inherent sin to which most succumb.

Though the enemies try to fight
To bring me down with all their might
I know there is a stronger power
A refuge & strong tower
Into which I'm able to run
When my own strength is done

Because although we're born from them
God's word like a precious gem
Promises that to us he will incline
Because between our sin & perfection is a fine line.

He made us in HIS image out of love
Exercising His power from the heights above
Instantly displaying His justice when His purpose was diverted
In His infinite wisdom knowing His true lovers could not be converted.

Promising to us he would restore
Conditions of the Earth as they were before
Paying with the life of his Son the ultimate price
So that all exercising faith could once & always live in Paradise..

© 2012

This is not your role. You're not here to stay. But don't forget your lines. Say it anyway... "I love you. I can't live without you in my life. I want to make you my wife"

You play the part well! but you're not the one. You will be replaced when the real star comes.

Of course my part doesn't change. I will promise to love you forever. I will say my heart is yours. That with you my life feels better. But these words aren't meant for you. I'm just practicing my lines. I'm so good at it now.  I've been rehearsing a long time.

You're just another stand in. In a long line of men. The auditions have not finished. That they will, who knows when? But your role here is done.. Call in the next one...

© 2012

You die every day, like this: you choose a life of slow
Death: through long nights, you burn away
Like the slowly fading lamp
Mourning some sombre memory,
Does it matter to know, you love me?

The mist dripping from the roof and the slow
Wind of the deep nights play to the dirge
Of a buried life, buried behind
Walls of smoke, unfathomed crypts,
Does it matter to know, you love me?

You sit for hours like this, silent like the moon
On an unwavering pond on a windless
Night, your eyes express so much,
But say nothing, like a valley of flowers
On a silent summer afternoon:

Does it matter to know, you love me?

I say okay so that we don't fight
I say okay when I know I'm right
I tell everyone it's okay when they ask
I tell them that we were meant to last
Okay is what I say even though it's not
Okay is easier than to say stop
It's okay that you treat me badly
Ask me to do things and I do them gladly
It's okay that you cheat and we both know
If you want to leave then just say so
It's okay if you want to walk away
No matter the time hour or day
It's okay if you want to break my heart
It's okay when you decide we need a fresh start
It's okay to do this all over again with you
It's okay because either way I loose
You're not good for me but I'm not strong enough without
Without you I wouldn't know what I'm about
So even though I'm not okay inside
All anyone will see is the perfect groom and bride

Love so strong so sweet in my eyes
Never would have known it was heartbreak in disguise
You were my sweet my treat in life
I didn't know how to live until you arrived
Love makes things clear but it also makes you blind
Here I am thinking my worst days are behind
You were my first kiss, my first everything
Now I get the feeling you were just using
So sweet in the beginning now so fake
You tricked me till the end but now I'm awake
I see now that you were just playing a role
Thought you were the real thing but you're just fools gold

A poem falls short; I'd like, instead
to draw a single line from me to you
and watch it curl into a word
so beautiful it's still unsaid –
or press paper to the window pane
so that the day might saturate
a note that brightly warms your hands,
spills birdsong from imagined trees
and buzzes like fat bumblebees,
but I am bound by language, love; I can't.

I dreamt that I'd tell you,
  I dreamt I'd convince you.
I dreamt you would love me
and I too would love you.
I dreamt of perfection,
a dream so romantic.
I dreamt you would smile
and carefully panic.
I dreamt you would hug me.
  I dreamt we would both see,
together we're better -
  I dreamt you weren't choosy.
I dreamt up the ways
of how I could tell you.
I dreamt up bouquets
and a time and place too.
I dreamt that I told you.
  I dreamt that I could do.
I dreamt that it happened.
  I dreamt of a breakthrough.

instead i told you
at 3am   drunk   on facebook
*and i took it back the next morning

I have fallen down holes one hundred words deep
And with every slippery movement of my tongue,
My world seems that much darker.
I have formed sounds in my mouth good for nothing but regretting
And released them as poison to the ones I love.
Droplets of toxins filling relationship coffins
Faster than the undertakers can have them prepared.
I swear, on whatever is meaningful to you,
I was not born with silver ***** in hand.
In my youth I spoke truth with the purest intent,
Building mountains I would climb to feel closer to the sun.
But as my feet grew longer and my eyes grew wider,
My ears learned the ways of treacherous men.
The first time I felt myself falling it was fun.
The rush of my own voice ripping its way past.
The second time I felt myself falling it was fun.
The thrill of the drop made my heart stand still.
The third time I felt myself falling I heard drums.
Faintly at first, but no doubt, they were drums.
There was the sound of skin, stretched over emptiness,
Shaking in the wake of a violent hand.
My eyes folded narrow, slipped shut, opened wide.
I could not discern whether I was the drum or the hand.
Both shaken and violent, empty and strong,
My skin stretched over my ribs and under my fingernails.
Seventy words down in the hole I heard the pulse,
At ninety words began the droning.
Matchless tone, like piercing your lungs
And listening to the shout that escapes.
At ninety-five words I hated them collectively.
At one hundred words I hated my self.
I have fallen down holes one hundred words deep.
Please excuse my silence.
The darkness that looms one hundred words deep
Is sticky, and icy, and true.
I am not afraid of heights, only of leaving them.
And I refuse to fall in front of you.

Judge me,
strip me raw.
Let's see if I
survive the fall.

Push to the limit,
bend me till I break.
Cut till you reach
bone. I need to know
what I can take.

Tell me what you
really think. Tell
me what you see.
Let's piece together
the person you consider
me to be.

Judge me.