Freedom is the stars and the moon to the night sky

and what it a sky with no moon and stars ?

Dark .

I want to let go
                        And free fall into outer space.. .  .    .       .             .

Glowing concrete
But a worn out side walk
Cause those lights would make the blind see
So bright it resembeles eternity
And enternal light is where i want to be
Eternal light is where im bound to be
Eternal light of this old club called 23

This bar stoll is bound to break
If i sit on it with all my mistakes
on my shoulders is everything i could take
And cant take
But im blending in with the music my heart beats fast with or without this music
I see you and i ask you to abuse it
This emptiness that i came with
Undress this mess
And dance till death

But they tell me this club was closed since 1994
So how'd you open this door
This club was burnt down to the floor
The people who died here you can still hear them roar
Since 1994
Their ghost still roams the halls
They say you can check in but you can never leave

But your image I breath
So can you please leave me here ..

The sun rises and coffee drips
I sip the bitter sweet blackness and think
I light a cigarette and I sink
Into another day another show.

Put on the mask and let go
Cause the real me can't survive
But no matter how much I hide it the real me shows.

I think of the world, the pain the suffering the wars.
I think of my friends and try to put a smile on
I think of my family and its cover me in emotions of a sad but sweet song.

I think of anyone to get my day on
But no one sparks me up and no I'm not in love.
And I'm not sure if that might ever happen
If I'm stuck in the state they call "madness"
Existential questions constantly on my mind
Why are we here, and does god really mind
My "sins" and how deep can we fall
And it seems like my life is on thin ice .

And I recall my dreams that are so vivid every night.
And I mix them with reality, painting an abstract painting in my mind.
Coding myself more, as meaning is held in complexity.
Or so I heard once said to me.

I sip my coffee and I think.
I used to write meaning and now its this thing.
Whatever you may call this.

I want to go after my dreams but my dreams aren't ever pretty
They're complicated and ******
And myself is nothing but this whole universe in disguise
In this case I call mine
And that makes everything matter and nothing matter

Coffee is my favorite drink
I dont do juices and other things
Just coffee or water
Black or white
Nothing inbetween

And so my mornings begin

I sense the ache like it's in the air
I roll my thumb and my index finger together
Like I'm giving it a taste

I shiver
But is it the blowing wind
Or is it cause I'm scared ?

Scared to admit
I'm hurt
Scared to admit
I'm rejected
Scared to admit
You did it

I care about you too much that I wont allow u to do this.

But whatever
I dont care get dressed whatever
Cause it out of my control
How you feel and your soul

So I deny myself
To keep you near
I deny my hurt
And detach my fears


I wont let you hurt me
Cause, Love.
I dont want to Hate you.

So I criminalize my feelings
And put it in a cuff

I feel it in the air
I sense it between my fingers
Or is it between my bones ..?

I dont know if I love you
Cause I wouldnt dare ..

But this ache is too familiar now
Its like it's always been there

I wish I can set it free
And cry
Instead of this already solved mystery
Of truth and self-lies
Of this numbed ache

I wish I could be with you
I wish I could take being without you
I wish I could admit that I love you

But, Love.
But I wouldnt dare..

I analyzed you yesterday in my head
Broke you down into pieces
categorized your every detail
and I told myself , there's no reason
for why I'm obsessed.

I told myself . I'm not obsessed

There's a moment in time
where you can take on the world
when you feel you words are sharp as a sword
when you can keep going on
keep standing straight
no matter the weight

There's a moment in time
where you fall apart
where your life is a huge laundry mess
and you don't know where to start
when you feel you'd rather have been gone
gone as a martyrdom
when your mind shrinks
and it can only understand the bad things

But, There's a moment in time
when someone is next to you
Whether you feel like you're superman or a dying man
you want them there
next to you

Foggy days
My mind lost in a haze
I can't say what you want me to say
I can't be here I can't be present.

This world is way too big
I'd have to analyze all what I ever did
cause it contributes to something big
And I know better
I do
I know better
I do
but, I can help but like my temporary bubble
of temporary meaningless emotions
that are secure
and they feel sure

A taste of what can be
Is a ******* trick

You can be the answer to all my troubles
You can be the magic to all this ruffle
A taste was so good that my mind continued the journey
On its own
Filling the blanks
With what I want it to be

But a taste of what can be is a trick
It leaves a heavy feeling so thick
It makes your soul ache and you think
Think of everything
That can be
Wish you were strong enough to handle me
Wish you were here tonight
Or atleast I wish we would fight

But leaving me with my mind
As I wonder
And pounder
Is torture

And a taste of what can be is a trick
And I dont know if I can handle it

And if we traveled

                                Traveled the world

And if we drove Fast

                                 Windows down

                                                           Music loud

And if we had Time..  Time ...   Time ..


And all the money we wanted


How would it feel ?

Would it feel better than now

Or would the sadness still come around ?

I will do .
and I will be .
Even if it's the death of me.

I kinda just want to disappear
Paint myself clear

I kinda just want to disappear
Wanting has become senseless
Taste has become tasteless

And tiredness has become endless
And resting has become restless
And I kinda just want to disappear

Its too much fear for me to feel
Its too much, of much that it stopped bringing me to tears.

I kinda just want to disappear.

You're a part of me

a part of me that's swollen and sore


Your eyes this look
I know
I know

I know


I know



I knew ..

Hours pass by
9pm  feeling great
1 am it's getting late
3 am your alone in your bed feeling the hate
of nothing but the thoughts you chose to think

this world is way too complex to understand
and I can never see the world from where you stand
neither can I teach you how to stand
when your all alone
And I might not be there to catch you when you fall
even if I wanted to

I just hope you look up in the sky
without asking why
look up in the sky*

and I hope you realize
That it was never meant to be perfect
but we were born to live this life with purpose

If you push me hard enough
I'll be your lighter
I'll light up your world
till my gas finishes

Words spill out of my damaged lungs
And smoke comes your way

Your eyes are like sweet sweet gin mixed with being numb

If I wasnt this broken and drunk, I would've felt so dumb

But here you are and here I am.

Soaked in what can be done.

If you come closer I can dive into the moment and forget that I'm done.

Cause your eyes are like sweet sweet gin and I wanna be numb.

I know we are close
But we are never close enough

I wanna be closer
I wanna be the cells inside your bones

Maybe then
I'd feel close enough

Blank
Sit
Write it down
They say

But I stare at it
And it's blank

You've wrote so much they say
You've done so much they say
But I stare at it and it's blank
Blank

Subjectivity is what we all have
And I'm staring at my life
And it's blank

I'll tell you how I got here
When I have

But right now
I feel it in my bones
I feel it in my skin
This is not a life I'm meant to have
And it will be the story to tell
When I get there
I'll tell u how

It's all in my head
It just needs some writing down . . .

All we wanna do is be free
Free
Free
Free
Free
Free
Free
But what is freedom ?

I don't think I'll ever be normal
I don't think I'll ever be able to speak these manufactured conversations by people who have lived over and over the same situations
and if you hit the loop whole
you start losing sense
I'll never be able to play pretend
is this ever going to end

Positive fight
I write my rhymes before I sleep through the night
can you feel my height
I'm flying off the ground
can you hear that sound

it's calling me
telling me about my fate
And It says that I'm bound to be great


From this world's music I translate
it says I'm bound to be great
it's my fate

But who can decide
what is right
is being great ..
Standing in the lime light
or is it sacrificing my time
out of sight
or is it being my own hero
through those dark nights

I can't tell.
but I know I will never sell
my soul for the part
that I'm bound to play
I can't really hear what you say
I just hear this music
that leads the way
all you haters are stray

This beat
Spreads through my blood stream
and moves me

like a fist in a fight
about to hit and hurt
get hurt and bleed

So I fight this positive fight
I just take it one step each night
till I reach that which is right

Define what you want to be.
Write it down
Imitate it.

And you will be.

But decisions are hard to make
I know . .

And the world made this heart of yours break
I know . .

And seeking happiness ***** you in situations that end in a big cut that leaves a scar.

Now fear is instilled within you
And it's hard to shake it off
It's hard to move it on
Again  

It's hard to control the brain.

But write it down
Define it
Then imitate it
And it will be
You have nothing to loose.

Either move on with purpose
Or keep trying to replay history
Or purely rely on destiny.

I choose purpose

Let those walls down

You're making me put my walls up

I am what I am
and I do what I do
I don't know why that would bother you
hold my hand
save the moon
let stay forever young
and dance to this tune
forget about tomorrow forget about today
forget about yesterday
Hold what u love dear
and with it just fly away
Drink up every happiness you feel
soak it in yourself till you feel real
whatever trouble your having it's never a big deal
cause what matters is the love
you feel
it will let you heal
The conjuring of the past
Would not make it last
but the presence of this beam you give
will make us live forever
and dance forever
sway to the melody under the burning sun
sway to the melody and stay forever young
I love you now I love you tomorrow and I loved you yesterday
doesn't that just make everything okay ?

I built the blue print in my mind

Of our story that will unwind . .   .     .    

           It will be one of those late nights
      you had one of those horrible fights
         and you lean on me for help .
      you tell me about all the things you felt  
         and my heart would just melt.

I'd open in a door into my core let you inside my world and we just fade away in our memories

You think I am limited by those lines we drew
It might be kind of true
For you ...

You think you make this space
It's kind ok true

Cigarettes don't do it for me no more

they don't fill that hole
and now I'm in panic mode
like I'm about to fall

**** .

Cigarettes don't do it for me no more
I need someone already
I can't built up my darkness no more

cause these stupid cigarettes taste bad
and this pleasure I used to find in them is sad
But I just can't bring back what I had
it's driving me mad

These stupid cigarettes used to do the trick
They used to stop these rushing thoughts I think Until they left me sick

You can sense pain
on people.
Like the smell of rust.

Can we avoid fights
The anger
the hate
the pressure
the wrongs

can we ever be wise enough
to be above all that
or is it unavoidable

My heart and a far away land intertwined
in the darkness of this night
Under my blanket I can see it
a ghost of my dreams and my enemies
a land made of golden sand
where I stand
and fall on these broken dreams
I Feel it like walking on broken glass

It isn't a pretty place neither is it sad
it's just a place where I'm always at

I wear my best pair of jeans at home
My skin is at it's best tone
when I'm feeling good on my own

Some of us cover pain
with hurting ourselves more .
Why ?
I'm not sure

but if I'm hurt I will distance myself.
Though it hurts more
if I distance myself I take a smoke
which harms and hurts more

Why ?
I'm not sure

Like a veil has been lifted
Or has it been put on?

The world seems nothing like it did before.

And my words come out just to fill a hole.

I feel emotions by trying to remember how they felt like.

I copy the motions and expressions in hopes that it will bring back.

What once felt like being "alive".

I quite the voices in my head telling me it's a lie.

That my memories are an illusion, giving me hope that never existed.

And it was and all is just a fabrication of my mind.

Optimism .
You are far out of reach

State your mind

You're made of rainbows and wine

state your mind

Don't give a **** if you've crossed the line

cause baby you're made of rainbows and wine

You are
you are

the pretty stars at midnight

Sunset flowers and the swaying wind
no.

Rainbows and butterflies
no.

It's just an ordinary night .
and there's still so much to fight.
but I let it go

In these
four white walls
and a dim yellow florescent light
I let it go


in this echoing noise of nonsense
I let it go


I smile not cause everything is okay
I smile because I let it go

There's this tune
that only you and me can hear.

Maybe Im sick
Maybe not

Maybe I can hold the strings to your every move
Maybe not

Maybe I am the ice to your drink
Sip sip and sink
Maybe not

Maybe I make believe
Maybe not

Maybe I drew you in mind
And you just appeared
Maybe not

Maybe I know more
Maybe not

Maybe we can just be
Your the wind and Im the tree
And you sway sway sway me
But my roots are thick and I stay still
And we both know the drill

Maybe not ....



Maybe I shouldnt be this way
Take in too much of life and just spill
Every piece of my mind over your brand new will
That you worked hard for cause you were ill

Maybe not

So maybe I can stay
Maybe not

Silence sits with us

Our attempts are getting so old

they're starting to dust

But I still want to sit with you

as if it's a must

even if your fumes

make my aching heart rust

I still want to sit with you

as if it's a must

Even if I don't want to

I still want to

I have this feeling
in me

like I'm going to break out of my own skin
one day

and transform with the wondering wind
...

Where did you go ?
For a while there we were gold
young and true

what happened
where did you go ?

Let the words slide down
your ***** slide of a tongue

and it hunts me
Cause i'll forever remember
Everything said and done

Are you having fun?  

Is this chaos what you want

Are you going to run?

Isn't this chaos what you want

I can't even write a poem about it
I can't even admit it to myself
I haven't told anyone else about it
it's rotting in me like dirt

I'm scared we will never talk about it
I'm scared if we ever talked about it

What didn't **** me made me weaker

I stay here
                Alone
I've been here
                 Before
I stay here
                 Alone
just the thought of you and this cigarette.

Freedom .