I remember the evening
that we sat clinging
to paper cups
of coffee gone cold

over secrets spilled and memories told
two bodies cursed
with hearts grown old

behind your eyes
I found new worlds
A winding road stretched out for miles
to a small cafe at the end of the isle

Sweet pastries filled the mouths
of those who sat beside us
and stayed for a while.

How the hours went by,
people just passing through
The descending sun ending
a forever with you.

Desire
Balanced
On the edge
Of a blade

A well dressed man
*******
An untethered label

A bottle for two
At an uncleared table.

A twist
Of the wrist
To the pouring
Of wine

To dripping lips,
and kissing
between sips.

His hands
to my hips

His tie
To my wrists.

His kiss.

Fluid and soft
she will slip through your hands
like water

meant not to fill you,
but to help you grow.

She is not your rock
in a hard place

She is a tidal wave
that breaks at the receding.

She is not the light
That calls you close

But the warmth
That keeps
You at ends
With life

In the middle of the night,
we were cold rolling stones
in an empty street.

Our souls bundled up with some sense of permanence
as you walked me home for the last time;
It was home, for the last time.

The darkness of night trespassed my secret shelter,
at the lingering of our embrace.

The first and last warmth
I had felt,
was yours.

Morning would be colder,
I might not feel the same acquaintance with autumn
as I had with you.

I walked with you under trees,
spots of sunlight rested on our skin and clothes;
orange-gold leaves falling
around our bodies, softening the ground,
beneath our feet.

In our innocent nature,
we stood in defeat.

Look out and see
an ascending sun;

Her light dances
upon frosty blades of grass
in early morning;
as dawn breaks
and fog parts.

Surrendering,
to a fleeting warmth.

A valley where once was a heart,
now lives only light.

I watched the slow fade of warm light cascade
along the surface of the water

Incandescent hues of pinks and yellows
Into one deep blue.

You turned to me and pointed
To the line along the horizon
Where the sun melted into the sea.

There was nothing so reflective,
of the love you gave to me.

You deserved a long goodbye,
a long and tight hug to force out tears
and maybe un-stifle our hearts.

The words, I love you,
had me in a choke hold.

Two friends,
who hurt
each other
like lovers.

I tried to be an automaton; stolid faced,
but I lost my grace.

I wish now that
I had remembered
to come up for air.
Or remembered,
that it was through open hearts
that we entered each other's lives
so long ago.

Maybe I did not love you at all,
because I didn't try to hold on to you.

Maybe I loved you too much,
& maybe that is why I let you go.

Now I just want to know:
How do you open at the close?

Across the room,
I mind my own.

You smile.

At once,
I want to write
my heart
out on paper.

I hear the words
before they're spoken,
listening closely
to your glances.

The eyes they speak
a language
all their own;

blue & inviting
as an open sea,
grey as impenetrable stone.

It was in our breaking
that love ran richest
through my blood.

In the tearing,
of my very soul
that light came rushing in
as if it had been veiled without my knowing.

Only through the tearing of hearts,
did your love have it’s way with me.

Only through infliction did the heart find room to grow.

I have a friend who tells me
that nothing
no one
and no love
is unconditional.

He’s beaming and bright,
and light like soft rain;
but sometimes I look at him
and it hurts.

I have a friend who speaks softly
to my hard of heart,
who cracks me up and open.
I have a friend who keeps me strong.

I have a friend for whom I love
even in times when I have none;

He’s not the love of my life but so often the light.

As your eyes go
& your skin turns
away from me

I feel the energy transfer
In heat waves
& headaches;
Apathy.

I look at you
and I’m sorry
for the way that I am.

For you
are all
that I’ve lost;
Sensitivity.

Theres a calm
that comes
when I’m not.

Eyes downcast
only wanting
to be pulled in close.
you do.

You are all that I’m not;
Tenderness.

You hold my face
in your hands
and make me small

When our eyes meet
we go away.

for a moment,
the world quiets.

You are all that I need;
Trust.

Listening now
all I hear
are slow waves

& suddenly
I'm lost
in turquoise.

I want to take you there.

to long for
to miss
your love  
your deep well
of passion and pain
and truth
infinite tenderness

Like an ocean
churning
in a mason jar

I could not help
but spill over
in soft distillates

yielding
to the sea of love
left churning
within me

I was filling
to the brim-

going on empty.

I could write a book,
dedicated to all the bittersweet.

On the first page,
I would write your name;
tear it out, and start over.

I could devote pages upon pages,
to the love I felt
and left for good.

but I owe it not to you,
not to the love,
nor the story;

but to the change of heart,
the ache,
the turning away.

to long for

to miss

your love  

your deep well

of passion and pain and truth

infinite tenderness

When you find her behind the clouds
you will feel grounded like never before.
Instead of falling,
your heart will soar.

You will wonder,
if she was ever really there
In the distance,
her illusory gleam;

Never as true as she made it seem.

Ive grown concerningly unconcerned
with my unwavering indifference
to all the things
that once made me

maybe
I lost myself
the moment I went looking
and trailed off
a little too far
from where I once
was found.

Like climbing a tree
and forgetting that
i'de have to make
my way back down.

Do not pause
for it is not in the spirit of love
to be still for so long.
Just as a river
does not stop in its tracks
for fear of overflow.
Just as the sea's are never still.

Just as the sea's are never still.

He was:
hard to hold
but impossible
to forget.

He could show you forever
In a single glance;
a glimpse into love,
untimely romance.

when I try to understand
the immensity of what I feel;

My heart on the line,
his hand on the reel.

If our paths do cross
I hope it is
without my knowing

I hope you catch a glimpse
of my spirit as it was
before you broke it:

beautiful and entirely blind to you.

I hope I never see you
but that you see me;

In a moment of laughter, of joy,
in passing.

I hope that it stops you in your tracks but that you dare not stop me in mine.

I hope you are struck by the familiar flush
of red life flaring off my cheeks

I hope you fool yourself to thinking

I am the same as I once was.

I will never be yours.

Just as you must never underestimate
your ability
to find yourself

You must never underestimate
your ability
to find yourself

lost again.

To the one that got away,
the one that changed my heart.

No longer do I look to love
the way I look to the stars

But to the sea;
forever beautiful and never the same.

As the sunset simmered
low and slow
a soft light rested
on the counter where I sat

I burnt my toast
while I was daydreaming
about kitchen ***
then the tea kettle screamed
because It couldn’t take the heat.
Understandable.

I poured the water in my cup and let the roses steep, left the burnt toast in the toaster and went back to bed

I want to first thank
my heart

for letting go

And second
my hands

For growing tired
of tirelessly reciting
memories of you.

I’ve long grown quiet.

My heart,
no longer sings for you.

My pen,
no longer bleeds
for you.

Your love was the bloodstream of my words;
The echo of my heart’s song.

Though I am at
a loss for words,
I have learned
to listen close.

I told him:

"I don't want to see you
see the world,
the way I do".

"I don't want to be a witness, to your heart as it breaks".

I am a soft distillate,
on the edge of a glass;

You are a table
unsurfaced.

I thought,
That the best way to love you,
was to not;

but I did anyways

It is the moment we begin to fear losing,
that we start falling behind.
The moment we start missing someone,
that they are already gone.
The moment we tell ourselves we aren’t falling in love,
that we are seconds
from hitting the ground.

The realization of what we have
is just the preamble
to the realization of what we have
to lose.

Lately I find
That I half want to love you
And I half want you
To tear me apart;
Just so that
I’ll love myself
A little harder.
.........................................
Like an equinox of the heart;
Spring forward and save time.
Rather than fall back to where
it all starts and ends
in the blink of an eye.

I want to first thank my heart,
For letting go

And second, my hands
For growing tired
of tirelessly reciting memories of you

I’ve long grown quiet
My heart
no longer sings for you,
my pen
no longer bleeds
for you.

missing you was
the bloodstream
of my words,
the echo
of my heart’s song.

Though I am at a loss for words,
I have learned to listen close.

She will teach you to trust,
by way of betrayal;
In the mist and roar of her tireless tides.
You will find her hand
and reach for her

Like a dream, she will vanish
before your eyes.

I watched the slow fade
of warm light cascade
along the surface of the water

Incandescent hues
of pinks and yellows,
Into one deep blue.

You turned to me and pointed
to the line along the horizon,
where the sun melts into the sea.

There was nothing so reflective,
of the love you gave to me.

I was running
on nothing

but unspent thoughts
and fading rays
of daylight.

When one day life came knocking
on my door and saw:

that the lights were on,

but no one
was home.

Just one ******* time
I’de like to feel something
without feeling everything.

Passion  
Jumped the line
To dance
At the door

Love
Wants to spread
The kind of drunk

Like a friend
Stripping
The red dress

Like a lampshade
In The Kitchen
And a full glass
Of summer morning
On the patio

I have a friend who tells me
that nothing
no one
and no love
is unconditional.

He’s beaming and bright, and light like soft rain;
but sometimes I look at him
and it hurts.

I have a friend who speaks softly
to my hard of heart,
who cracks me up and open.
I have a friend who keeps me strong.

I have a friend for whom I love
even in times when I have none;

He’s not the love of my life but so often the light.

If you try to hold on
With all your might
You'll break your arms
From holding too tight.

Set free the heart
And the spirit takes flight.
Why be heavy
When you could be light?

A heavy heart
Will dwell in sorrow;
The tender moments of today
Are the bittersweet
Of tomorrow.