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I
am
the
thin
line between
true and false
 Feb 2014 Laila Swan
Jessica Head
Trying To Find Warmth For Myself
*Help me
 Feb 2014 Laila Swan
Infamous one
Your nobody to judge me I regret empowering your ignorance. Ive done more then you could imagine. It might not show but your not worth my time. Ive always helped others while you judge them
Im tired of all my down falls and setback I just want to be free of all the burden. Id love but im usually the other guy. Im not a player but know the game. I work for mine tired of thing being taken away of abandoning me.
Ive been on my own since 17 not trying to please anyone I follow rules no one is the exception to me everyone is equal I dont car who you are ir who you know if you have no respect you mean nothing to me
Im not mad just mad everything keeps me out I have to bust my *** work twice as hard to be accepted. My efforts get knock thats what ****** me off or when im finally made it someone else rains on my parade.
I want to argue and yell but my mouth gets me in trouble and the other person is blessed while my efforts go to **** and hit rockbottom
I feel these blocked out emotions resurfacing even though those moments have past. I over think it gets to me or makes me want to make a dramatic change
 Feb 2014 Laila Swan
carmen
the moments in which we are happy
are worth all of those in which we are not
Happiness comes in blurbs

    cp
 Feb 2014 Laila Swan
Jessica Head
Ash
In a state of madness and delusion.
Fearing this life of illusion.
Walking aimlessly with confusion.
Please help me out of this institution.
I'm locked away behind a wall with no door.
I don't want to be here anymore.
I'm ok I'm fine implore.
But my pleases and promises are there to ignore.
Why am I still here? What for ?
I can't stand this place no more.
 Feb 2014 Laila Swan
Jessica Head
Somebody save me from these thoughts of mine.
From the terror of losing my mind.
I can't think of a better way.
Than wanting to hear of what you have to say.
Tell me I'm fine and everything is ok.
To Keep moving forward to that better day.
My eyes move over the broad hills
and feeding cows with little interest
what flows through me
is a positive emotional experience
not easy to put in words but
if i could
perhaps it is
the space
to clear
your mind.

Or have you tucked yourself away in a ranch house,
wireless to the Network?
Are you craving
an existence far-fetched from reality?

The manners, the sobriety, my shoes
even my smile
is a prosperous presentation.

Do you believe
that there are individuals ******
to deserve the bottom?
Do you think that some of them
are the lucky ones
and that
maybe you
aren't?

And then you crack open a tiny conch-shell size of the universe
and give your worries up to God,
who is now your best friend with the bright idea
that you too have power beyond measure.
 Jan 2014 Laila Swan
Katelyn
i am not good
with words i should not be speaking
the wind is better at whispering
sweet nothings than my hands are
at comforting and i'm afraid
it is all my fault
i am not good
at masking things without tape
and a pair of pants
clear cardboard cutouts of home
i dream of you every night and i'm afraid
i wont stop
i am not good at
stopping myself from talking before
thinking about why i am in the first place
taking my hands and placing them
on the corners of my face
is just routine
i am nothing but good at
swimming in oceans of my own tears
and creating more storms than
sunshine inside of me
i am nothing but good at
sitting shaking in the dark
alone without wind to whisper
back to me
"you are worthless"
i am nothing but good
at being nothing but horrible
 Jan 2014 Laila Swan
Audre Lorde
If you come as softly
As the wind within the trees
You may hear what I hear
See what sorrow sees.

If you come as lightly
As threading dew
I will take you gladly
Nor ask more of you.

You may sit beside me
Silent as a breath
Only those who stay dead
Shall remember death.

And if you come I will be silent
Nor speak harsh words to you.
I will not ask you why now.
Or how, or what you do.

We shall sit here, softly
Beneath two different years
And the rich between us
Shall drink our tears.
"My reality will never live up
to my fantasy"
- MS MR


It's a weird swirly feeling as you stand in the middle of the room as it starts, you feel exposed and with no dignity. It took you a long long time to realize you are nameless; what if the devil does play a part in this; you can't seem to find your way.

I'm pretty sure the devil DOES have a part in this. It's not PTSD, it's the DEVIL.

You are torn. Some happiness experts suggest finding strong role models. What they should tell you is that you must look hard at yourself and investigate: are you made up of particles just like Marilyn Monroe? Are you following your dreams? Where do your choices lead you?

Is something holding you back or do you feel like everything you do is a big mistake? (Maybe I'm the only one)
the room fills up with smoke, contemplating....
am i living a wonderful life or a beautiful lie?
Have you felt destroyed?
Is it hard to see yourself doing what you used to love so much.....
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