Be more Yin*
I heard a whisper in my heart
In my head, in my gut.
Suppose when you hit rock bottom
Any suggestion can help.

I loved myself for what seemed
Like the first time
Sure I had thought I loved myself
But this was different.
There was acceptance
For my mistakes and flaws.
There were soft words in my mouth.

There came to pass
A deep lack of fear.
And a question as to why.
I wondered where it all came from.
What if I lost everything?
Would it **** me?
No.
What I need is a matter
Of an individual perspective.
Do I need what I think I need?

And what if it did **** me?
Would I notice?
No.
Would others notice?
Sure, but they will one day
Die too.
Would they miss me?
Yes but will it **** them?
No.

Come to think of it...
The worst thing that could happen to me
Has already come to pass
More times than I care to remember.
But did I die?
No.
So in conclution...
The worst thing that could happen to me
Doesn't really exist.

It's a figment of my imagination.

I lost my job

you want to come over

yeah I think I do*

Haven't seen you in months...
Suddenly I see once again
How deeply you impacted me.
You're like a dock worker
But a girl, a fire fighter to be exact.
We're not that different;
I just conformed to expectations.

We speak like we always spoke.
You ground me
You always ground me.
The whisperers are on a roll
And you listen intently.
The house has a heart
The blue lines on your wall
Look like the arteries
And there's a warm beating heart at the foundation.

There are images projected
In the empty space
In your kitchen
And I'm in deep flow
Whispering past events to you.
There are jokes infused
In serious discussions
And a cause of hilarity
In our intoxicated distraction.

There's a playful fox
On the edge of my lips...
And a seed of trust
Embedded in our souls.
We add dimensions
To our reality.
Open up more.
Close our mouths more.
Like the Yin
We flow slowly but surely,
We dust oursrlves off,
We reach our goals...

But not today.
The beer is cold
And there's a border collie in my lap...

There she sat across me calmly and sternly,
The kind lady who recruited me.
I had no words left to speak out.
They had disappeared in to the cubicle
I used to occupy.
I had kept quiet for the past weeks
Hoping that would soothe the boss
And her relentless persuit of me.

Not once would I regret the things I said
In my poor defence of problems
She caused and the blamed on others.
It wasn't her, I was just not smart enough.
It wasn't her inprudence and a software can't malfunction.
It was never her.

Sure I'm not perfect...
I willingly admit to that any day.
But I wasn't the first one
...and you won't be the last one
She attempted a smile
And said she'd call tomorrow.

But didn't it bother you

Yes but it wasn't worth quitting over

The truth is probably between the lines
And the enthousiasme of a Silverfox
A sweet man who never learned to lie.
Not even about the things
That were never introduced in words.
Or even a touch.

It all seems so unnecessary
But then I remember how she smiled
As he adressed her
And I realised my mistake
And what she was a victim of this time.
But it was never her fault.
I simply walked in to her territory...

I've climbed up the rain pipe
To reach the window.
I've knocked on the glass
In the dead of the night
I've whispered apologies
In to the silence
Under the stern eye
Of my sleep deprived mother.
I've crawled through
The hole in the ground
That leads to the basement
And forced open doors
With a wire cutter...
It seems there is no cure
To losing keys and locking yourself out.

But maybe it's just life's way
Of telling us
We're locking ourselves out.
This is not who you are...
You don't force your way
In to things and apologise for your mistake.
You take that which is yours
Because someone once said
"Ownership is for those who claim it".  
You wouldn't apologise
For walking in to your own home
Because someone said
That it doesn't belong to you.

If I love it and it loves me back
Then by default
It has to be mine
Regardless of the consequences.

They said to let it go,
The whisperes did.
I let it go like they said.
You still rub salt in to my wounds.
But progress is made in small steps.
And I realised something;
One never truly moves on
Until the anger has made way
For acceptance and reconciliation.

And surely, when I see
The lisence plates
One white,one yellow
And a steerling wheel on the wrong side
I no longer think of you.
I think of a sketchy Scot
I got to know on a poetry site.
I smirk and wonder what he is up to.
My anger made way for nicer associations.

And when I smell acrylic adhesive
I no longer think of you;
I think of the bus ride
I took every morning
To go work for a dentist.
And when I walk through the lobby
I wonder what the girls are up to.
Healing takes time...
But much like the Yin
It moves slowly and diligently.
I take a deep breath...
It feels like I can breathe again...

It feels like Love is kinder
Slower and more gentle with me
This time around...
His energy is sweet
But not co-dependent.
And it's ok, if it doesn't work out.
You are lovely to watch
Even on a bad day.
Fear has made way
For respect and reverance.

Death surrounded her
Bombs falling captured the stories inside her head
Real life tears fell over blood-soaked mornings
Screams pierced right into the reality she called life
Friends, limbs missing made her look abnormal
Laughter left the country vowing never to return
She watched the burning figure running towards her
Collapsing before her, pleading for death
But death didn’t want him that day
He wasn’t one of the fortunate ones
She climbed into the basement seeking solace
Clutching the doll who like herself seemed to have survived in one piece
But something wasn’t right
Dolly was living a lie
She pulled one arm and one leg off
Dolly smiled
And the world became normal again.

Do you remember what it was like
When adults spoke words
That we were too young to understand?
Do you remember what it was like
When we were programmed by our parents?
They explained meanings of words,
Trained us in diciplines
And spoke truths
We were too inexpirienced to deeply understand?

Do you remember what it was like
To see a bridge for the first time?
To really see it and wonder
Why it was there and purpose it served?
Something so mundaine today
Back then we just trusted
That if it was there,
Then there must've been
A good reason for it.
We trusted that everything
We saw and heard was true.

don't lie to children

Has it ever occurred to you
That everything we see for the first time
Is being viewed without judgement.
We don't know what it is.
It is up to those who explain it
To remain equally unjudgemental
So we can make up our own minds.
Do you realise that life
Is still a surprise to young eyes?
Don't program them wrong.

Do you realise the responsability
To purify your own mind
Before you speak it
To inexpirienced ears.
If you teach hate, you will see it
Everywhere you go.
Someone once said
if you plant a tree, it will never grow to become grass
So stop demanding it to...
it will always be a tree.
But you help it become
Happier and healthier.

They won't become what you want them to become.
They will become that which they hold a potential for.