Every school holiday
My brain would go on an unintended
Long vacation.

Took such a long vacation
That it was almost every bad ideas
To begin my holiday

For everyday my brain is not around
My heart will wander far away
And my passion will not be found

The bad ideas;
My eyes would shut itself
Believing still that we are living in our dreams
But in reality, we have been missing out for quite awhile.

I can be your white-haired flower.
If you would be my age-old ***.
We will be together under the name of our Gardener's care.

(im moving out, traveling out)
heading somewhere else
(somewhere not from where i am now)

somewhere
else where other beauty lies

somewhere
where new love can be found

somewhere
healthy like nature and air

somewhere
you can go and no one
can stop you from heading to

The wind blew
The paper boat sailed
I did not hold back
And you let it sail...

You can't go anywhere else in this world

You need to be a dreamer who walks in reality

To know that dreaming alone

Won't walk you in reality

What you need is to

Walk your dream along

And falls in eternity, to know that going around

In life, is nothing about easy or difficult

Its about the process of every minimal details

Remember the suffering you will face

And remember the strength

You will be given to face the suffering

Who knows, you will be able to experience

Blessings in suffering

And find your joy in the process of living

And finally it is to realize "life is about knowing what to suffer for"

Also, dreamers don't stop dreaming, reality is about doing

Do what you dream and dream what you do
This is reality

There is one moon
On this earth
Which I look at
Most of my night

Since I was a little girl

It always seems so beautiful
And mysterious

Something to be discovered
Whenever I look at it

Always seems unreachable
Even when it came to stay so near

Close to my heart
As I reach out to discover
The darkness wrap me
And I lost sigh of where
The moon was last at

I stayed up every night
Looking at constellation of stars
But I see no moon

And it dishearten me
As it seems I have slipped away
S
    l
       o
          w
               l
                  y

Without meeting the moon
which I've seen since I was a girl

Old enough to be grateful for what you've provided for me.

Old enough to take care and think for myself.

Old enough to say farewell to you.

And old enough to know I am still afraid of losing you.

You can treat me
to books
Literature to fiction
Any types of stories, interest

You can treat me
to pens
0.1 to BM tips
Various colours would be nice too

You can treat me
To drinks
Macha green tea to bubble tea
Teas and coffee are some of which I drink

You can treat me
To a day out
You and me
With silence in-betweens

These are the pleasures things
You can treat me

In a world like this
I wish you leave me

People who buys excessively
People who eats expensively
People who spend too much just going out to have a certain fun
People who spend too much time working, just to live a money spending life,
living to the expectation of what they want to get in live

Leave me to the wild
Leave me to live in the woods
Leave me to hunt for food
Leave me to the life of nature and wealth
Leave me to seek for inner soul needs

Eternal and longing
Where non can be found in a world of this
Where everything fades

Don't put your life in it
There is no eternal contentment to it

leave me to find the treasure to our inner soul
may live

A little terror
Shock his best-friend

A little late
With words left unsaid

Speaking a little louder
Hoping you could hear

A little gesture
With prayers from sorrow heart

May this be a little better
Of a breath of new hope

And a little peace
To his family and friends

With a little more time
to take in and breathe...

Always summer here
Heater broke down

Day and night,
Bitting air put the warmth out

Cold feet every morning

A year and counting
Tormenting early bright

Dreadful laving

Violet palms, skinny body
Unknown curse

Do you think I can apply
Sleeping less is more?

Sleep less
Yawn more
Stay awake even more

Take naps
Hate sleeps
Stay awake ever more

Need rest
Take breaks
Stay awake forever more

Sleep less
Wake up early
Have a little rant, every morning

Sleep less
Travel far
Have an abundant of rants from travelling long..

Sleep less
Coffee and tea, maybe a little more

Because it's short and sweet
I am happy you can read

We couldn't enjoy long silence together.
We couldn't enjoy long distance together.
We couldn't enjoy the idea of love altogether.

Neither a girl,
Neither a boy,
Just human,
With a beauteous soul.

Dear cheese,

I love your cheesiness,
I love how you swag with your flavours.
I love how you can be dress in so many ways.
And I especially love how you melt when you touches my tongue.

Love,
Human

There's a sharp object in my heart
And its not coming out
Damaging my brain as it hurts
Physically

Mentally *******
Making me wonder
How did I survive
Till these days
To discover such mishap

And how it is possible to
Have come this far
Not knowing
Such suicide object
Could have been placed inside my heart

Probably have slit
Causing great
Internal bleeding

Causing blood clog
And all sorts
To this damage, hurting with uneasy

How will I survive?

Out of my comfort zone
Where is my safest place

Unwind and slow down
Catch yourself on
Tell yourself kind words

Antidepressants episodes
Staying afloat

its a flee
its for a moment
its making memories
its passing by

its moving on
its looking back
its experience
its a way of living it

b e h i n d

You are weak but you fight.
You are strong.

You are strong because you fight your weakness.

You are strong because you will fight again even when you are weak.

You will fight.
You are strong.

I cried
But my face can't feel its tears

I screamed
But no one has heard its toll
Not even my ears

My mind is the greatest destruction
Leaving my body weak
My heart unable to feel what is conscious and clear

This happen when my soul tries to reach deeper into
The paradox mind

Its a strange experience
Every time when it happens

I was never told not to explore
But what else could stop me to this adventure

Where only strange things could happen
Only Human could answer and be the answer

It will disappear together with the strange hours
Passing

sadness are so close to me
like water on earth surrounding me

they comes and goes away
it troubles me and makes me drown
many times before i could SHOUT for help

there was no way i could escape
heavy high tide crashes me

treading water
gasping for air
gobbling water
and looking for lands

washes me further
                                   f u r t h e r


a w a y

from my sadness
into my madness  

falling deeper
couldn't rise up
eyes are already close
couldn't see
pressures and darkness pulling in

wishing to see another sun ray of light
shining down benethe here
if only i would open my eyes
to look up and know i might be fine
breathing underneath water

Life is quick
A time race
A chase for ace

My thoughts are all scattered around like pages but in a book of torn hiatus pages profoundly thoughtless. Left on a bookshelf trifling and collecting dust.

Not a single idea of life left, contemplating.

For a moment
It disperse
I thought
About something beautiful
That wouldn't last forever
I didn't even grasp it
And it be gone

How quick and suspended it felt

One glance and you can see my dreams arranged admirably on my bookshelf in such a way that it looks like it's only for display. As of now.

As of now, a collector of dreams.
Some people say, never to tell your dreams...
As of now, I'm tired of dreaming.
Some people say, you will never wake up from your tired dreams...
As of now, dream on

Between me and you
We shall not wait for no one.

Once again, its just me and you.
We will do it, without no one.

We don't need no one.
Between me and you, we just need us.

Our desires, undertake between us.

They found a quaint vacation spot.
They felt so much like something but of only a microscopic vision; through their idealist imagination it was so much of a grandeur encounter.

Feel too much but your presence still disappear. Troubled naked eyes; stop acting so curious. Stop being mysterious. The bloodshed love, your psychological fears. A close heuristic encounter.

Those loverlike they ran away.

i am a fictional character as realistic
from where you are living

as real as you can see
as close as you can think of me here

close enough to have feelings like you do
close enough to know you have feelings for me too

i live a fictional live
a similar to yours
a fiction in fiction

we are not much in difference
would you say, you like to come over again?

We couldn't grow together.
I am like wheat.
You are like ****.

It looks like a lonely walk
As the trees at the side walk
Slowly wither
Right when you walk passes it
One by one
They wither
And it never grew back
Even after months
Of rain and sunshine

Nothing happen to the trees
But a lonely man walking pass
It many times

are we suppose to be strangers now,
are we suppose to pretend
we don't know, when we see each other on the streets?

are we suppose to be strangers now,
because we're not even friends thru social media

are we suppose to keep this distance, away forever
keep our smiles to the other people

are we suppose to keep away these thoughts
that we were once so close together
but we've grown so old and cold apart

are we suppose to be strangers now
because it seems to me, you want to leave your past behind

you're the one who came into my life
now you want to leave me out of your life
*how could you be so nice to me?

It was bewitched,
She was power,

All the flowers she possessed,
She turned them into plastic flowers.

Now, those flowers lives forever
In return of a breath undiscovered.

I should think about one
But then I think all at once
With all, I ended up with none

Stress is an ****
Laughing is about rest
Being at your best
Not worrying about less

Living by one step
To keep in track

Afraid is not a step
It is a dangerous trap
So give yourelf a slap
And return for laps
To keep yourself in track

Don't Panic
And remind yourself to "Just whack only"
When you are stuck remember "One at a time"

His mind ***** his own body.
He is disgusted with his thoughts and actions.

His mind ***** by the world.
He is disgusted with his perception of body.

He is a victim and a convict.

"I am ashamed. Shameful at the patterns of my worldly mind. "

What happened to our friendship,
Was it a sunken ship?
It is still a mystery.

Omnipresent

You want what you see
Hypnotised

Galaxy and Universe won't lie to me

My heart and my mind knows
what I can see are real

**You are real

I am a flower.
A decorative.
In a corner of a room.
I am a vein plant.
I have a purpose.
To be aesthetic.

You see me alive.
You see me well.
I don't die.
I am plastic.

I know you.
You only want me to be a still art.
A silent watch.
In a corner of a room.

We are only
living by
Coming by
Never realize

We are only
Dying by
From this world's pollution
Killing us
By time

Consuming by..

Reading them
Over and over again

I wonder if you do the same

Going back to read the stories again
Visit the stories just to see if it change
Reading the sentences once and again

Reading them
Over and over again

many times i disagree with myself
but
many nights i find myself with the same impression
that the nights are the most beautiful hours of the time
... the quietest
... the stillness
you cannot find in a busy afternoon

The nights
Are the perfect company
For myself

but
many times i am still in denial that there is a perfect time for myself

She became quiet and unchanged for her mind was left in an attic.
She probably never thought she had kept it away from herself.
Misplaced and unused.

Routinely she reduced her daily tasks, as she sat and slept for the most of all time. For she have lost a change mind.

She is not ready to find.

No weekend, no weekday.
Every day is just another day to live.

The World is a divine sight.

Nobody gave me a pen and asked me to draw. So I picked up one by myself and draw.

The feeling was of a first empty page of a thick sketchbook, I was about to draw on.

Only the World was with me.

She found a new friend in the clinic room.
Her favourite appointment every other day.

Life is unattended with no one to talk with, nothing else to do.
A little comfort from each session, and still goes on with complaints.

No one knows what is going on in her head...
The pain in her body won't leave her.

Every other day, she is still ignored.
She is still unnoticed.

Self love
Self care
Reminder
The topic all over again
A healing journey

2 weeks medical leaves
Taking time off to recalibrate

For your best interests
Articulate your experience
And emotions

Critic says...
People muddle at what you are doing.
A crowd is displaying signs of apathy.
Scrutiny is upon you, fear you will be.

Comment says...
"Some people are poorer than your dreams;
  they are ambitiously bankrupt."
"Many people doing the same art."
"Is not for everyone."
"She's just doing."
"Not my fancy. "
"I hate that the idea exist."
"You gotta get love and you gotta get hate for the things you love to do."

I say...
My pleasure is not in pleasing you.

No one is to young to start
keeping their Soul alive
be kept living from a lie
It is endless and it leads to destruction

"Let the world keep you and lose your soul"

You choose, you are made to have a choice of your own, a freedom to choose.

a story of the bed sheet
we shared
laid down on
as the wind flew passed us where the window
sits still beside the bed

what we had
only lasted on the bed sheet shared
it was washed and it never happen again