I’ll put it down on paper now
While the memory is still fresh in my mind
Here it goes.

It was three pm on a September day
Bright and sunny as life in May
I trudge up the stairs to the library
And spot you there looking over me
We didn’t speak, just exchanged a glance
I might not get another chance
But I’m much too proud, or much too shy
And you don’t care enough to just say ‘hi’
So I sat down alone on a table there
Fished out my books and fixed my hair
You came by later to the printer behind
And I try to pretend that I don’t really mind
But then you said my name, soft but clear
It seemed as if it’s been fifty years
You joked and said that I’ve been ignoring you
We both kind of knew that’s not really true
You smiled and asked how it’s been for me
I say ‘just fine’, and it’s the truth, you see
It’s a surprise to know it’s not a lie
To cover up any pain shown in my eyes
I can’t remember when I started accepting it
Everything developed a little bit by bit
And when you left with a nod and smile
I know we won’t be talking again in a good long while
But it doesn’t hurt as much as it did before
Not even bleeding, just barely sore
And just now, I turned my head to see reality
For the last time to make sure that I am free
And there you stood, laughing with her
It’s what you deserve - your happily ever after
I’m not going to be selfish and drag you down
I’m not going to cry for the joy you’ve found
Healed at last, I still don’t know how
But finally – finally - I’m my own person now.

It’s an hour later; I’m packing my stuff
This is still a moment I’ll see in my dreams,
But I won’t wake up crying anymore.

I do my hair at night
Play dress up in the dark
Why do I show the best
The prettiest parts of me
In shadows and closed rooms
Where no one else can see?

In the morning, I don’t brush
My dark unruly hair
I don’t powder up my face
To hide my imperfections
Is it the real or ugly side
I’m showing by these actions?

But can’t they all be
One and the same thing?
To be ugly and beautiful
And at once so completely real
It was the way we were made
We changed it to fit our ideals

And I smile behind closed doors
The only real smile I can muster
I laugh at nothing at all
When there’s nobody else around
If I do this out there, I’m crazy
So out there, I make no sound

Why is beauty only found
Behind all these closed doors?
In shadows and hidden corners?
They’re the only real places we are allowed
To be free of ruthless players

I think I know why now.

Osculate.
To kiss.
An innocent brush
Of two lovers’ lips

A glance into
The other’s wide eyes
A sharp intake of breath
Soft fingers on cheeks

The first taste is always
The purest of all
A gasp against mouth
The tugging of hair

There will never be enough
Not even after you’re out
Of precious breaths
For the best kinds of love and passion,
Steals the air out of your lungs

Yet it will be easy,
As simple as breathing
Just with a new kind of oxygen
The best one we know

Obliterate.
Destroying all
That is innocent
Two sinful souls
Uniting into one

Heavy breaths and
Pleasured gasps
Fingers sliding
Against smooth skin

And the time comes
It’s a giant explosion
The strongest of all
Known human emotions

Osculate.
A simple kiss.
A promising brush
Of two lovers’ lips.