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 Nov 2013 Lightbulb Martin
R
10w
 Nov 2013 Lightbulb Martin
R
10w
ive never wanted to kiss
lips until i saw yours.
I'm
It's five a.m. I am dawn over, yet again..

I am the water I drink, the food I eat, the air I breathe, the sleep I sleep, the music I hear, the people I see, the places I go, the content I read, the player in my games, the epitome of lame, the disorder I blame, the weeping I wax & wane;
Chaos in a flame

I am the cigarettes I smoke brand name, unruly & untamed, the pride that I coincide with not having shame in who I am, the crazy in my eyes, my daughter's surprise, my fear's accomplice, my mother's only child;
What's worse, I'm wild

My father's little girl, my hair when I twist, & decide to give it a curl, I am five feet, seven inches short, I am a case to dispute, I do mind trivial pursuit, I am the upchuck I hurled, when I found myself among this world, I am dawned before sunset, I am still susceptible to surprise, I have blue/green eyes, I still can't see why god loves ugly, I am critique in concrete, on this couch I have a seat, three cats;
All lying around above below or beside me

I am beside myself, I need mental health, I scream with my mouth, still no one hears me out, I am down & about it, I gave up long ago, I am wishy washy windy, I cry tears laden with doubt, I too often have something that I worry about, I have been spread too thin;
I am disheartened on a whim

I am a cracked ***, I am a blossom out of stock, I am a non smoking ****, I don't get blown away like the leaves, I have skin that needs to breathe, I left my body because it's a pet peeve, I shed hair in long strands;
I am overthinking needing a weeve

I am punch drunk, I need sleep like I never slept, my pillows head away, I swept them up, put them down for a rainy day, yes I am a classifiable clown, I make path my own way, If only the right hook is in town, I am able to smile at my frown;

B E C A U S E   I   L O V E   T H E E   D E E P   D O W N
 Nov 2013 Lightbulb Martin
R
i guess i relasped
i mean,
it wasn't like i made another
40 lines but
i made another 3
and in the end
it all adds up anyways,
right?
High school was a breeze
I mean forget the braces years
and the glasses and the acne and the bone crushing awkwardness
it was a breeze
rolling around in Mark's beat up VW hippie van
Smoke trailing behind us as we tore through suburban Richmond
worrying about Mom 'n Pop's more than the DEA and Cops
and finding empty houses to drink what we thought was good alcohol
if no houses were available
we'd just wait for the parentals to fall asleep
singing pop punk at the top of every lung
rapping along to gangster rap
hopelessly Caucasian
class was a joke
homework a no go
and we'd worry about the consequences later
talking about how we couldn't wait to be grown
well I'm growing now
and I can tell you
no bed time is awesome
but it isn't all it's always cracked up to be
Exchanging
recommendations under flickering lights                                                           ­                                !                                        we transpose the nature
?                                                      ­                        of our insect-like movements

$                                                   ­                                               
with the slick of our collars,                                                
our dull-shine badges.                                      

Eye             ­   
                    makeup
arrayed in sheens                      
                to blow your eye's burn
away

back into
                                         the cold of space,
                                        where you belong

the skirt of the star's burn,                                                        
to sear you (un)clean
without alarm.

with a certain sweltering silent charm


Somewhere, saturations swell  
in non-                                    
casual ******* singsong.      
Klarity is substantiated.          

Forgive a whiff into cigarette dust.
Into reticulated (t)rust.



How many leaves
connect
    to form the               tree's glow?    
I'm sorry               for asking
now
I must go

...

Forbidding madness
with a
keen
brow-
bent
glare

ballroom harpies                          
                               ­     chase you backwards

down
a
flight
of
stairs

.              
.
            .

what is this caution
here cushioning me
porous like bed foam
harm eating me slowly


?
smirking consistent smart
a loneliness for hatred

.              
.
            .


Tear me up for what is holy in me
crumpled '****-poor' regard, it's a satin-shure smile
I am churning and I know (not the exit)
November 5th, 2013
Io dodgeburns
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