A year goes round again,
The winters are ringing the bell,
It reminds me of you, and you.
The warmth you hold in you,
And my only faith.
Winters are harsh here,
More harsh it is in my cold heart,
Frozen is my soul,
Trapped in time.
I wonder, if you ever could, for once,
Trap me in you,
Let me breath in you.
Every evening brings reminiscence of our tales,
Yet, it ends in me and not reach you.
I know, the sun shines bright there,
In my home, way back there,
I wish I would have sat facing it,
And not like, I always turned my back towards it .
Today I know, how sacred it was,
To not let my heart freeze, so often.
I know the mornings would still have mist with it,
And the grasses would be wet,
They always has the pleasure to tickle your feet.
Here wet it is, dew drops,
That fall from my eyes.
I know, he still stands near the swing,
And doesn't find me,
He looks for our laughter, I know.
Your voice, the spell,
That I always woke up for.
Today, you don't wake me up,
To collect the fallen night jasmines.
Fallen here it is, my fragile life.
Don't try to collect it dear,
Not everything can be recollected,
And can be placed back at place.

They fall, a little and little each day,
And a lot more,
My hairs.
It has learnt to live my way, I guess.
What shall I fear more?
Soon to disappear my hairs,
Or more sooner my life?

It went too dull, too lifeless,
Not a long ago.
Easy it was ,for me to decide,
A little color should not turn out to be bad.
I painted it red,
Yet not covering it all,
Too much of colour and life,
Not something I can really bear.
Which red are you thinking of?
The rose? Blood? Or the sun, fading away?
I thought of the sun more, which alone can have beauty in fading too, unlike me.
Blood, I don't think of, not much left anyway.

And there I made it,
        The mistake.
How could I even think of, colours?
The darkness is way too deep,
For colours to occupy it's place.
Let it be black,
My life?

The storms my heart has, for ages,
Has begun to soar high now,
And, they still go by the smile,
O' dear.
Amidst all the cacophony,
Of my life,
I still keep a place, safe,
For your silence.
I lie here, so pale and dying,
The same world you live in.
But, you still don't hear me cry.

The sun is magnificent and panoramic,
Till it burns you,
To the core, it burns you.
Have you ever wondered,
The same warmth you crave for,
Has burnt you to ashes?

That city, I escaped into,
Dreams burn in the fire,
The heat kills me, it kills me.
For the place I belong,
It rains, and rains, always.
This cold comforts me.

That city which holds,
Dreams of millions, has mine too,
But misplaced it, somehow.
Ah, it suffocates me,
Lend me one more breathe.

Back I come, to the place,
Where rain renews all,
Where morning is still peaceful.
And, I still love this sky, desperately!

I was,
Trained and tamed,
Not to raise my voice, ever.

I saw,
The Independence of promises,
And years after,
Which wasn't delivered.
This isn't the land they dreamt of.

That old lady, she held her head down,
She was ashamed.
May be her childhood walked with her together,
That little girl,
She asked whether to stay at home or go to school?
She was scared.
But I was told to keep quiet,
And keep it all inside me.

And you think, I am safe?
And you say I am free.
You tell me I have my own" free will",
That little child,
The one who left, she had hers,
She wanted to live.

And,you think those were the only places she was hurt?
Will you ever be able to see the heart?
Her heart that bled, of terror.
But, I was told to keep quiet,
All my life.

I guess, it started with that,
That umbilical cord.
Detached I am, from her,
Yet she is the only one, I feel belonged to.

I have remained scared,
All my life,
                  Of people.

With every sunrise,
I woke up, with a hope,
                   To love people.

Every dusk,
I slip into my heart,
A broken heart, and despair,
                    Hating people.

In between days and years,
My life kept passing away,
My faith kept breaking down
                     Because of people.

Everytime, I bleed, I cried,
I patted my heart,
That someday, my faith will be restored,
                      By people.

And then, someone will come in,
I will look up to,
I try to redefine,
                     people at their best,

Thud, they break my heart,
Smash down my believes, my faith,
Shake my senses, show me,
                      People at their worst.

Yes, I am scared,
Yes, I do hate people,
For one reason, unchanged,
                     "People"

I fell for someone,
Who didn't want to even catch me,
I was dying for someone,
Who didn't care if I live,
At last,
He kept his ego,
I, my self respect.

Do you still walk to that tree,
And stand under its shade?
And do you walk through that aisle,
The one we walked through,
Those late winter afternoons.
Do you even remember?
The way we embraced each other.
I don't know what was more comforting and warm,
The warmth of your arms,
Or the sun kissing me.
Do you remember?
How I stopped midway, for some time.
Will you ever know why?
Just to stretch our time together, a little long
In a desire to trap the time in me.
How would I have known,
Time would trap me back.
Today, the sun is not comforting anymore.
What about I moon I love, you asked.
And the nights we have spent counting stars,
And staring at the moon.
And that song I would sing,
When I saw the dawn making its way,
Through the horizon.
No I don't dare to,
Look up to the moon now.

More cold is my heart,
Dead I have always been.
And no one cares.
You ignite the fire in me,
The fire knows no own,
It grows to burn me too, the dead bones.

In that place, away from home,
No one waits for me at the door,
No one's there to embrace me,
But it calls me back today.
It has seen my fires and storms,
Yet it holds me with care,
And takes me the way I am.
All my life, I have been wanting an escape,
An escape from the truths and lies,
And the fears they scare me with,
And the threatenings they threat me with.
That place, away from home,
Strangely, not knowingly,
Became the escape, all I ever needed.
My routes were always lost,
And my dreams, a shattered maze,
My truths, their obvious lies.
Odd that I am, I don't fit in.
Home changed its meaning over time,
I guess, it has not much for me here,
I guess, home has not much to offer to wanderers and the lost.
Somewhere in our lost journey,
And alone for sure,
For no one holds your hand to get lost,
And home doesn't fits in me,
I don't fit in home.
And strong that I am, I console my heart,
Calm down O' dear,
Not everyone has a home.

I lie here, so far
From the stars above,
Where my hopes harboured,
I lie here, so far,
From my home, my world
Where my soul resides.
And I lie here, so far
Away from all.

I belong from a city,
Too small for you all.
And somewhere there in a corner,
You'll find my heavenly abode.
The lights must have went off soon,
A little sooner today.
With hearts fill of worries,
They too must have been missing sleep,
Like me.
I lie here, so far
In a city of million dreams,
Where I'm in an endless search of hiding myself.
Of lights that never go off here,
I still have my dark space,
A little lesser than my heart I would say,
For light isn't allowed inside my heart today.

I left home, leaving behind all.
My heart that cries every now and then,
But miles that stretch long, between us,
Might erase our love of ages, I fear.
But I forgot,
No harm is greater than a harm of a human to another.
And so they could change our words and play with our minds too.
I pity them, poor souls.

I lie here, so far.
Away from all.
I could walk away, further more.
I could walk away so far,
To never come back home.
I could,
If my brother, my little heart wouldn't have waited,
For me.
How would he be made understood, when I'm gone?
That I walked away, for a reason too small?
For humans?

I wish,
I could stand strong in the strongest of winds,
To roar after the storm ends,
To awake every human mind of sleep,
To make them know,
"Love is a virtue,The purest of all,
Not a sin, my dear all".

At eleven past twelve,
(beautifully one following the other)
I lie here, under the stars,
With every possible ache,
Eating my heart and soul,
******* marrow from my bones.
Turning ashes out of my body.
Oh how pity!
The feet lies with the same blisters,
I was talking about.
My heels pain, out of the burden,
Carried all day.
Tired is my soul,
Tired is my hope..
Dead is my desire to live,
To wake up, for survival.
No arms wrap me tonight,
No chest lie so close,
But only cold tonight.
How I forgot, the clock strikes same,for us both.
It is for you, now,
Eleven past, thirty three minutes,
For me too.
You must have been dreaming,
In your sleep.
And my soul half awake,
Half dead of all the pain.
How I dreamt of holding on to you, to sleep.
And, how I lie here, paralyzed (of mind for now).
How you promised to count stars for me,
To not forget, once we lived the same.
Its not the same forever, I guess.
To change, is moving ahead.
And dear,
Let us lie separate under the same sky!

I lie here, so far
From the stars above,
Where my hopes harboured,
I lie here, so far,
From my home, my world
Where my soul resides.
And I lie here, so far
Away from all.

I belong from a city,
Too small for you all.
And somewhere there in a corner,
You'll find my heavenly abode.
The lights must have went off soon,
A little sooner today.
With hearts fill of worries,
They too must have been missing sleep,
Like me.
I lie here, so far
In a city of million dreams,
Where I'm in an endless search of hiding myself.
Of lights that never go off here,
I still have my dark space,
A little lesser than my heart I would say,
For light isn't allowed inside my heart today.

I left home, leaving behind all.
My heart that cries every now and then,
But miles that stretch long, between us,
Might erase our love of ages, I fear.
But I forgot,
No harm is greater than a harm of a human to another.
And so they could change our words and play with our minds too.
I pity them, poor souls.

I lie here, so far.
Away from all.
I could walk away, further more.
I could walk away so far,
To never come back home.
I could,
If my brother, my little heart wouldn't have waited,
For me.
How would he be made understood, when I'm gone?
That I walked away, for a reason too small?
For humans?

I wish,
I could stand strong in the strongest of winds,
To roar after the storm ends,
To awake every human mind of sleep,
To make them know,
"Love is a virtue,The purest of all,
Not a sin, my dear all".

Somewhere,
Deep I believed,
You were the only one who could save me,
And rescue me from my cage.
But,
May be,
You're the one who pushed me to hell.
(Because I believed you'll save me)..

I couldn't go,
Far away.
         To see the world.
For,
I found,
        The world in you.!

And, that question,
Will linger in my mind, forever
Till my existence is being questioned.
Why?
Why couldn't he accept?
He knew I went across my lengths,
I widened my horizons,
I let my soul cry, for you.
He knew how hard it was and still becoming harder..
But I've crossed all tides, just to be with you.
To rest my tiring soul in you.
Knowing all, still he never knew..
He never tried to even.
Today, it seems, I stopped letting things bother me, furthermore.
I can't fake now, truth has made its way out.
Why couldn't he accept?

See, the clay pots, yes those that the potter makes.
How brittle they are, aren't they?
They slide, and go to the edges,
And that hand of potter, that beautifully shapes them up.
Now hold on, that's where I've to speak.
The hand not only shapes it, it supports.
The same support, which from the earth, make it firm.

Dear, I wasn't that brittle even.
But, now no more.
I think, I carry the most fragile of hearts in the world..
It breaks, and cries so often.
And, you have it, for sure.
To your words, your voice, your smile,
It dances with the lilies in joy,
Sings the tune of the nightingale,
And make merry notes,
And the same, my heart,
At times, so different, it roars in my soul like the thunder,
And tears apart, my heart and soul,
Then it walks the way, with the shower that drizzles in monsoon.
Its strange, for us, anyway,
Because a rain in desert,
Yes, it does, in mine,
Rain in desert..!

How you fall, and fall,
So hard..
How you fail, or the rest does,
But for sure one does,
To define you, to simplify.
How they forget that was all about you,
How they let it fade and how they let it go.
How they never understand the efforts,
How harder it gets..
How now, a smile costs a lot of bucks,
How each day's a fight, and each night that you get defeated.
How they intentionally forget what you meant each time..
How justified?

The fragrance of rose,
                    faded away .
            The smell of drugs, fills in,
                     my room.
        They wonder what must be wrong ,
                And so, isolated me!
                      ~ Maeiby

They are all mine,
But some pieces of memory.
My heartbeats are,
But a little remembrance of theirs.
All I caged into one.
One small photograph.
For a photograph is said,
To capture time within it.
All our smiles, odd colourful costumes,
Slightly younger faces than now,
And the pride of us,
All standing together,
All caged!
Days went by soon, one after the other,
The faded calendar says so.
But the photograph on my desk witnessed all.
Like I untied myself from the cage,
From all bounds,
It too started the same.
Same like me, the small efforts went unseen.
And one morning I woke up,
To find it broken.
The glass broken, had patterns too and sharp edges.
All broken still collected as one,
It still had my emotions intact.
The photograph still couldn't come out,
Out of the broken,
Like I still couldn't fly.
Something still pulled me back, doesn't it?
But why did it all happen?
For a dream, which I have believed to be vague.
Of I killing my beloved one.
That I fired two bullets in his chest,
Tearing it apart and bleeding to death.
And then I cried,
Of the thought of right doing and wrong doing.
But, I desperately wanted to heal him,
Back to life.
Back with me.
May be, somewhere out of the wild,
For breaking my caged memory, my treasures,
I had nothing to lose
But to **** you.

Is it possible?
Shall I ask myself..
I think and believe my insane so called existing mind wouldn't be able to answer.
But I've went through the same, well possibly a numerous times.
Every dawn, I believe makes me ready for another fight.
Believe me, its hard, so hard, hardly can I give it the form of any word.
Many has known, but none has felt, me I guess.
Why should they, even?
They're not the ones I've lived for, or died each day?
I know, I have sailed through the same, many a times,
Now even the count breaks in between..
I have sailed through, amidst my own willingness and unwillingness waves..
Believe me, many a times, the waves were too ferocious.
How mercilessly, it engulfed me in, and just threw me ashore..
Who would know, my same old fears?
Who would know my long lost love tales and the broken soul diaries?
Probably none.
And, what about the pain, strangely not mine, given by some other, residing in my heart, and thirsty of my blood?
So, how do I speak?
Words crumbles up, it struggles its way out.
But I've strived.
How do I, make myself believe?
The saviour I made you, in my eyes, my hero.
Is the one, to make my soul die.
More and more each day.
Where shall it end?

We all are the same,
Some say its half filled,
The rest, half empty.
And, how different it is to living?
A little less life,
And a little more pain.
I'm of, but less love inside
And a lot shattered.
Into a thousand small pieces,
Collecting every bit and every piece,
I thought of joining the line connecting the dots,
In the air.
As I remember doing it, as a kid.
But hard it is,
You see, one piece collected and wrapped in my arms,
The other falls down.
And on and on it goes.
Hush.. Tired! (But, of life)
Do you remember my friend,
Too less accepted and,
Too often ignored.
So less are the smiles, more are the cries.
Life, it is, my friend.
The less we found,
The more we lost.
Life, it is my friend,
Life, it is..!

I'm, but a bottle of vintage wine.
Preserved for long,
For an occasion, so perfect.
Over time, it has been,
The star of the wardrobe.
He kept it with pride.
And finally, the day came, so awaited.
And stood there, that wine glass so beautifully with grace.
As it, would hold the precious of all, in it.
Like a lady in grace,
And her curves so pristine,
Beauty that falls so spontaneously.
Lady, you fail to know.
They stare at you, those men,
They dream of you, from far.
And their greedy souls, How they long for you.
Can't you see?
And, a moment of pause.
Then he pours, the wine.

And that moment changed it all.

Down it fell,
Into the white marbled floor.
Breaking into countless pieces,
Of fine glass crystals, sharp enough.
To cut through,
All in its way.
But, more sharp it was in his heart,
And soul.
The wine, red, stained the floor.
Ah, that remains.
How, it shattered,
And what it was preserved for.
That, it cannot be, recollected.
It gave him, a pain,
Making a mark( too deep).
And it was true,
That he never bought one, again.
He feared, it'll fall down again.
How he couldn't hold one in his hands, anymore.

I'm, but that glass of wine,
Broken.
All into many pieces.