I didn't want to put you down in writing
because then I'd have to face the truth.
(I was never good enough for you)

Too distant.
Too removed.
Or maybe I was too close;
no room.

I know.
I know.
I've been through this so many
times before.

I thought that you'd be different.
Well, I thought you wouldn't mind.
But evidently
(I am too much to handle.)
I'm back to spinning
carbon copy lies.

                        *-lf-

Open up to me, he says
But inside there is nothing but void
Feel a little, he says
Little does he know
Every word that spills from his mouth
Injects itself into my blood
The anesthetic that numbs my soul
Listen to me, he yells
But all I hear is noise.

They want to fix me
Want to hammer out the perfect girl
To fit into their crumbling little world
-- a doll to beautify their cemetery
their collection of hollowed out bodies.
I may be empty but I’ve already been a token
Too many times.

Let me fix you, they say.
But all they do is break me.
Take more from me.
Let me fix you, they say.
Never once did they ask to heal me.
Try to glue me back together.
I’m already open.
But I was broken into.
Robbed.
Shattered
Hammered.
Invaded.
I’m already open
But you don’t like what you see
I guess it’s not pretty to watch me bleed.
I’m already open.
But you don’t like what you’ve found.
******* away the pain won’t do no good,
So put me back down.
Inject me with your silent poison and
Put

Me

Down.

                                 *-lf-

Eyes stained black, circled with lack of sleep
all in pursuit of a single letter
When all I've ever wanted in my life was to grow out of my skin
And embed myself into soil and greenery
Push myself beyond possibility
Beyond mere existence
Beyond the confinement of blood, bone and flesh
Towards life itself
Beyond matter and atoms
Towards the intangible
Through words and rhythm
Against the floor
Against my mind
Tapping every confinement hoping one day the walls would collapse
And on days like today
Where my lipstick cannot hold my smile
And my mascara betrays my soul
I feel suffocated by the hands of metal
Tall silver scrutinizing me from above
But I will never cease to push against matter
I'd rather die with my arms broken from effort
Than shrivel up in a body lacking oxygen
I look up at the loving green arms and ask for mercy
For freedom from this artificial purgatory

                                 *-lf-

They seep into my empty spaces
Blonde hair
Blue eyes
Wrong soul
Right time.
Filling in the gaps.
They leech onto my soul but
what is left for them to feed on?
Carcass and dead bones.
Crows, crows,
That is all I know.

Floating in limbo, they float in
And out.
Into my mouth,
Hands in my hair
Do I let them, do I dare?

They fill the wine glass of my body and mind
with nothing but water.
Only to drink it all and leave me dehydrated
-- fend for yourself, you con, you sham.
You put on, and you put on well.
So be ******* ****** if you please,
Be ****** to hell.
Drink out of the well of misery that you filled.
He emptied your soul and so you went looking
for a replacement.
But these placeholders do nothing but accumulate dust,
Leaving neat little circles when they decide to hit the bin.
And you’re left worse than you began,
-- nothing but a body of sin.
                                  *-lf-

I can feel her creeping back into my blood stream
The anger, she's unravelling again
The veins in my arm are pumping flames I thought I'd put out for good
But you, you've ignited them
Flicked your selfish lighter
I'm on fire
My chest constricting with your apathy
Suffocating me
And slowly
I shrink
Deplete
Revert back into that girl
Who could not control her affect
Running on a constant adrenaline high
Dear god I'm on fire and I'm praying for someone to put me out

                     *-lf-

Clouds collide
releasing lightning
as we touch;
hurling me into
trees as we rumble

              *-lf-

Your tongue licks the sweat off me
-- tasting what you wrongfully claimed as
yours.
No mercy - you take no prisoners,
only lost souls.

You're a vulture, a crow
And god, don't you know?
the pain you cause me
when you lick the blood
off my bones?

Your claws dig into my marrow
   - are you finished yet?
My decaying brain is left with
holes of regret.
Send me to purgatory
- I'm finished with this mess.

A naive deer is still full of grace
You may have mauled my soul,
but there's still a bit you have yet to taste.
I'll run circles around your head,
throwing fairy dust into your soul.

This silent deer is screaming for mercy,
but you haven't yet swallowed her whole.

                                     *-lf-