No one really understands. No one knows what it is like to not know what you are feeling or why you feel that way. One moment you are laughing with friends having the time of your life, then suddenly it hits you. The pain of it all everything just hits you. Mid laugh you stop and nothing is funny after that. Others voices become the most annoying sound in the world and isolation seems like heaven compared to the group of friends who always seemed to cheer you up and keep you company. You aren't sad but you aren't happy. You don't feel anything in fact you would give the world to feel something in those moments whether it be pain or even just to cry and feel sad or to suddenly jolt back to happiness again. You try for hours to feel something but nothing ever works. When the feeling of emptiness finally subsides you start to feel guilty for all the ways you tried to **** the emptiness. You regret everything you did in those past hours wondering why you didn't have enough self control to just wait it out. You become furious you lash out. Everyone irritates you and everyone is somehow to blame. You yell and cry and cuss and everyone you love becomes a victim to this. The crazy part about all of this is that you don't even know why you were sad to begin with and don't even know now why you are angry. Then suddenly the third and final monster takes over. The worry is too much to handle. You overthink everything. Suddenly everyone hates you and nothing you could ever say will change that. You become known for always saying sorry even when you are repeatedly told that "it's okay." You begin shaking and you feel uneasy. Sleep is out of the question and don't even get me started on trying to socialize. Crowds become your worst enemy and standing alone makes your heart beat faster. So fast in fact that the world starts to spin. You lose control of what is happening you long for the comfort of your room when all of a sudden you are waking up face down on the pavement not remembering anything that has happened only to go home and start the process all over again the next day...

The doctors say you have a combination of depression, anxiety, and bipolar disorder. Being yourself you deny everything. You are a perfect human being and could never imagine having all three of those things. Reluctant as you are they prescribe medication. Inside you are relieved hoping that finally everything will just be normal. You will know what you are feeling and why and everyone will like you because you are happy. You no longer will yell at people for no reason just to apologize 30 million times afterward and you will never fear crowds again. You become excited overjoyed even and cannot wait to take the medication the next morning. Sadly like everything in your life you are disappointed, let down once again by the human race. The medication does nothing to help you. It in fact makes everything numb. You are now not able to be irritated or sad even but you also are incapable of feeling joy. You are constantly feeling sick to your stomach and you feel like staying in bed is the best option. You believe that so much that you don't leave your bed. You haven't been to school for roughly a week and thinking about going back brings tears to your eyes. Your appetite has either skyrocketed or hit a rock bottom. Your friends hate this new you and so do you. The doctors tell you that after a few weeks all of it will go away. Being yourself, you deny everything. No one really understands.