Elevator eyes
Scanning the golden body disregarding the operator inside
Trying to find the right button to push, hoping they’ll be the one to get the ride

Seventeen, but actually thirty.
Not *******, but in jail.
Butterfly
Still at the mercy of time
In this **** caterpillar body

Though I am young
Short
Blue-eyed and blonde,
I am not a fool

Go ahead and help yourself to that empty seat at my table
Ask me questions about work, school, or life as if you care
Try to make me blush at your ****** insinuations
But you won’t.
You became insignificant the moment you sat down

I know what you’re thinking
I know your tactics
I know what’s going on inside your head
What you want.

I am not a fool, Elevator eyes.

The man in my stomach
Is an angry man

No matter what I do
I can not please him.

So he punishes me,
Tightening his grip on the rope
The rope that controls the trap doors
Separating my esophagus and my stomach

When he pulls
The doors shut
And I cannot eat

Swords in the stomach
Slicing through intestines
Pain in my gut

I think he’s mad at me
Trying to understand
I need to find out

Because maybe
Just maybe
He’ll let go of the rope
And the doors will open with ease


But until then, his anger festers

I have a job
Car
A family
Bike
A few good friends
Boyfriend
***
Coffee

I’m happy
Technically happy

But when **** hits the fan
It hits
Pretty ****** hard

Job depletes me of energy
Tired
Car
Empty
Family
Hard to please
Bike
Can only take me so far
Friends
What do they do
Boyfriend
He’s there
***
All out
Coffee
Could be hotter

These things are supposed to be a distraction from the ****
But they’re still
Not enough

Because here I am
Drinking my third cup of tea
Hungry
At the shop
Alone
Not happy
****.