I have noticed
each day
the ink splatters
staining my fingers.

They leave marks
in such a way
that kiss the paper
and probe the heart.

A stain whose blue
creates a deeper shade
for words to hide
a silent voice.

I long for my ink
to begin to stain yours.

You see the dots
and think of me.
You wash yet they stay
so you think of me.

The stains of my pen
have left you blue.
So you think of me,
and I'll think of you.

High
and nothing between me and the deep blue of the sky
and I have to wonder,
not at the wonder but the wonder of why
I could cry.
These incessant questions never leave me alone
even up here
where it all should be clear
I am never as near to the answers I seek
as when I'm down there in the crowd.
I ask myself out loud
what is it that keeps me from sleep and defeats me
and why do I seek when I don't know what for?

It's all needles and haystacks
I can never relax
I feel like my back's up against a solid stone wall.
If I fell
how far would I fall?
If I fall
would I be fallen or would I have fell?
These pointless questions give me hell
I'm on a roundabout
a merry go round
above the ground
way up high
where the moon steals kisses from the deep blue of the sky
I wonder why.
I wonder how and what and when
and again
I wonder
I pen
exhume those words in pain
shout out
roundabout
spinning
beginning to find a trace on the line.
Before I run out of time
I will know
I will go away sated
The journey is long
and I've hated the waiting
the unknowing
of what the picture is showing
and who held the key
was it me?
was that the mystery?
I wonder

In the life of a bird
Mine eyes wring true
Oh faithful raven
Do come out of blue
In the life of a falcon
Blissful melody
Sing faith from above
And hate from beneath
In the life of a bird.

This body you see in from of you
Is only the shell of who I am
Protecting me from those who wish to harm

You don’t know the people I love
You don’t realize that the comma I missed in my essay
was a secret rebellion against grammarians

I’m a sister, I’m a sinner
I’m a girl who’s trying to find her keys
I’m a Mormon, I’m a nerdfighter
And I do what I please

I need a little bit of pizza
a lot of love
And I need to get OUT of this town

I wear pajama pants
Every. Single. Tuesday.
Because sometimes I need to sleep in another 12 minutes

I write about how I feel
How I think
And what’s real

I don’t need to swear
to sound like I know what I’m talking about

This is my poetry
This is my life

And I’m not apologizing

It's a bad day when you can't get Celene Dion out of your head
Titanic was good
It was not that good

I found a dried flower
Buried in Leviticus of my sort of grandma's bible
She must have liked that part
The only quote about Leviticus I've read on the internet is about stoning gay people
I hope she didn't like it that much

I saw a bagel get made
No one has the job of eating the middles out
I'm 23, this was a let down
I still like bagels a lot

I tacked the dry flower on my wall
Above the reminder that it's $3 a day to swim at the public pool in the mornings
I hope it's not a homophobic flower
I hid the bible behind Lauren Conrad's book
Lauren Conrad's book embarrasses me less

My sort of grandma
Is only sort of alive
I often feel that way

I feel most alive while dreaming of the impossible
Realistic dreams lead to disappointment
Outlandish dreams leave little 'remember when’s’'
No one hates themselves for not becoming an astronaut
A lot of people hate themselves for not losing 20lbs

Friendships are often measured in favors
That is all
That was not all
Favors are measured in sacrifices
Favors are not measured in reward

Today is a reflection of not dying yesterday
There is a one in seven chance that today is Friday
And it is imperative that we get down on Friday
Because the anticipation for this weekend is very high
If today is Monday all of that is no longer relevant to our conversation

I am losing weight
As I lose weight more and more fat girls hit on me
I do not like this as much as what I was imagining would happen

I have learned that being funny **** cool
Like I am becoming
Does not mean hot girls will hit on me
It means they will actually think about it before saying no

To supplement my soon to be chiseled physic
I am learning a Jack Johnson song on guitar
This worked for an acquaintance in 2006
Maybe I should learn Colbie Callait instead

The world would be better if schools had better teachers
The world would also be better if high school seniors paid attention to the teachers they already have
I don't know which one is easier to fix

My past seems rosier than my future
Except in the case of February 16th 2007
And now February 16th 2012

Corner buildings and modern light fixtures are my favorite aesthetics
My favorite building has neither of those features
Those features are not that awesome

Dead flowers smell like dead things
To combat this I spray cologne on my grandma's flower
I have never been to a funeral
I wonder if they febreeze the dead people
Or maybe they use Chanel No. 5
This is something I would like to learn more about

This vast universe
is the most beautiful
unending cinema
screen played
directed
produced
and released
by
the most
creative
Head
God