How can your mind speak,
when you heart is screaming?
How can you be rational,
when insanity is around the corner?
How can you focus,
when you soul dies?

Where is there peace,
in all of the war?
Where is there love,
in all of the hate?
Where is there order,
in all of the chaos?

Why is there hope,
with so much doubt?
Why is there good,
with so much bad?
Why is there something,
with so much nothing?

Who is with you,
when no one else is?
Who is rational ,
when they are insane?
Who is organized,
in the chaos?

Who is good,
when everything is bad?
Who is at peace,
when war is everywhere?

Who is focused,
when their soul is dying?
Who is thinking,
when their heart is crying?

I see a pimple
Bright on my face
There are quite a lot
To even trace

They travel down
My neck and back
It really makes
Me feel like crap

There are quite a lot
Of things I hate
Like my short legs
And nose that's not straight

My hands are small
Kinda stubby
I have stretch marks
Around my tummy

Even though I have things I hate
Never would I change

For I love it all
Even my so called 'flaws'

My body is mine
And I'm pretty **** fine

Silent screams
                           begging for life,
                                                         dying on my lips.



Empty emotions
                         crying for love,
                                                  burning in my heart.



Torn thoughts
                         craving stability,
                                                       leaking out of me.





I'm a mess of opposites
burning inside,
trying to come out of sealed box.
I am nothing
and everything all at once.
I feel found and
lost,
close yet
so far
from everything I crave.
Everything is clear
and yet
nothing makes sense.

Went to bed at six
And I slept all through the night
Now I'm awake again

Another time I'd write and write
About the world's spite,
My lack of life,
The loss of fight

I sit endlessly thinking,
Writing,
In my mind
As I grind
The little gears in my head

Wasting away is my great fear
Yet I sit here,
Absorbing no knowledge

I hate who I am,

A pathetic use of space
I try to move, I try so hard.
But stay a still lumpy rock
While people knock
And push and pull.

Their words lurk like vultures,
Trying to pick at my pieces.
Churning me up like cream
Waiting for a scream,
A shout,
A call to myself.

But how can I move outside of this cell?

My loyalty
Is gained
Easily

My trust
Is
A must

My love
Is harder still
Flying like a dove

But when the are given
My word is true
Life will be liven
Thinking of you

But if they are taken
And abused
You would be makin'
A
Mistake
For I'm filled with love
And hate

Quickly we forget
How fragile we all are  
And I fret
Over how you'll take this
Of how you'll react
I want you to know
I
Don't
Care

About your inner demons and self hate
They are keeping us apart
They intervene with fate

But I do care
And
Oh
So
Deeply
Love you

It happened in an instant
One minute I was waiting
The next
I was caught in your swirling words
Not thinking too clearly
But you caught me
And I feel the familiar little
flutter
And I know I'm ready to fall
My question?
Are you ready to fall too?

I lost myself in the now
The words can't get out
Beating down the door
They poured from before

My mind overflows
While my world implodes
Secrets that can't be stopped
Thoughts that I dropped

Creativity and wisdom
Loss and pain

Will I ever get my words back?

Do I still have my voice?

Am I loved without my me?

Does this loss define me?

Are my words all I have?

Is it all I can give?

Am I worthless?

Am I still me?

What is left, if I don't have poetry?

Tic toc
Tic toc
Tic toc
That irritable clock
Continues to
Tic toc
Tic toc
Tic toc
Counting down time
Til I'll be nothing but slime
The begrudging noise
Tic toc
Tic toc
Tic toc
Unless it slips away
And the memories of yesterday
Fade
And there is nothing I would trade
For the love of a moment
Where nothing is spoken
And the glimpse of peace
Is not just a tease
But then that moment is stolen
And that bit that was woven
Is unraveled and stretched til you hear
Nothing but
Tic toc
Tic toc
Tic toc
Tic toc....

it's being away from                  you
it's being [{trapped}] by your thoughts
it's screaming for SOMEONE
Anyone
to understand
i want         l      d
                 o            e
                        v
in the way that is *whole

Walls closing in
Stealing my grin
Betrayed by my feelings
Killing all of the healings
From the past suffocation
Cracking the foundation
Of trust
Creating disgust
For myself and hatred
Because the sacred
Happiness I kept in a box
Was not under chains and locks
Slipping away
Creating decay
Of the house I made  
Now I've laid
And my head has turned dizzy
I've stopped being busy
I know I've fallen back in a rut
And I know in my gut
That I have one place to turn to
So I pray to You

I'm losing myself
I'm just





l                                  t
      o              ­ s

















I'm losing myself...
Just floating in my mind










f
           l                       o
                                             a
                             t
                                      i              n
        ­                                                         g














It's like I'm not me
But I am not someone else
I'm just stuck here in my

M                                   N
                  I                                       D















It's like I can't get
O.                        U.                      T.  

















All I want is some to
        *Hol*D
                                            ­         *me

You try
And work
And learn  
And try to be successful
But still you don't
Sleep
Or eat
Or cry
Or breathe
For if you do then you won't be
Someone's child
A friend
A worker
A spouse
Sadly we believe being succesful
Is more important than being healthy
We are so afraid we won't be loved
We don't think that we should
love ourselves
.

I was lucky
Drama never exploded upon me
Half-truths
Half-lies
I never took part in them
Being shy and quiet,  
I never really cared for it
Nasty mean words
Hate that poors from mouths like
Bile

I always thought drama was a way for attention seekers to be seen
And a way to hurt people deemed worthy
Such a lovely way to be noticed
Through rumors and hate  
Thick sludge that even the pureness of honesty can't defeat

Honesty was a strong suit for me
A quiet girl with little to say
Why say something if it's a lie?
And most honesty hurts others so I stayed quiet
I had poetry anyway

Poetry
A language of it's own
Flowing, curt, inspiring
It was magic to me
Somehow it still is
A magic that is real,
Yet feels so unreal

Why would I tamper poetry  
With petty drama?
It's pure beauty enables emotion to meet a life in ink
All emotion freely flowing from a pen to a page
Erasing and capturing them into glimpses of what is real and felt

Instead of lies I tell truths
Which is why I rarely speak
The truth is hard to handle
I don't want to be half of something
I'm so whole and full to the brim of life
How would it be right to speak half,  
To live half a life?
It wouldn't be fair
So no half-truths
Only fullness
To represent the life I have to give

Freedom is important
Life is important
Choosing is important
Having a voice is important

Taking away rights is wrong
Rules taking away our power is wrong
War over religion is wrong
Division in a family is wrong

Believing that taking away guns will solve crime is a miconception
Taking away your right to defend yourself is baffling
Criminals will still get guns
Guns are to protect you from being hurt or robbed

Having rights protects you from the corrupt government
There are tragedies that happen
And it is proven that gun related crimes go down
But they DO NOT disappear

A perfect world is not what we live in
Utopia is impossible with all the different ideas and beliefs
Even me writing this proves no one agrees on the same thing

I don't need to be agreed with
I don't need a government to dictate what I eat
I don't need restrictions against the way I live my life

I need to be heard by my peers
I need to be heard by my government
I need the power of speech
I need to have good morals and stand by them
I need a place where the rights are not taken away from the people

This country was built by our founding fathers so we were not controlled by the government
This country was made for freedom and morals
This country was made for the honest man
This country was made by your ancestors or
This country was the freedom your ancestors needed

This country was not made for the top 1%

How do you define yourself as an American?

This country is no longer great or proud.
This country has changed drastically from what it was first meant to be

Too many people will hate me for being too young for saying these things
Or being corrupted by parents and peers and youth
I'm still given a voice
I'm important to this country because I'm apart of it

And I will use my power of speech and all of my other birth given rights till they are ripped from my hands and forcibly taken away from me

I hope that day comes with my last dying breath
For I'm going to hate seeing a world that has gone back to the dark ages of serfs and Lords

It surrounds me
It's around us
Laying in perfect serenity
Together
We lay intertwined
Our souls touching
My hand in yours
A whisper of breath on
My cheek
Those moments etched in
Memory
The moments before the cold
Moments before darkness
Wind whipping away warmth
Emptiness as my hand lays
Alone
Your soul ripped from
Mine
Now I'm cold
And the darkness...
It took you and
It surrounds me
Alone

I wrote a poem or two,
Nothing too flashy.
I was wiggling my shoe
When something tickled my fancy

I'd stumbled upon a page
That made my head spin
Few fueled by rage
And most made me grin

Like there was a secret
One that came out in each piece
As if writing would weaken
The barrier of your heart and release

A truth so wonderful and bold.
So I followed and logged that day

When I returned a day or two after
I was shocked and crazed
I was filled with laughter
A single message left me dazed

I scrambled, my mind thinking
While silencing Jimney  
My friend started winking
My reasons flimsy

That's how it started
So long ago
I've changed
I've grown
Somehow I know
I should not be
Here
Waiting for you
Waiting for something more
Something like a fairytale
Where we meet years after
In a little cafe
Where we are past this teenage stupity
And we finally understand what love
Means
But for now I'm left waiting
Because I'd hate myself
To leave someone like you
I'd hate me for never having the guts
To be left waiting

Goodbye
Only i didn't get one
Never will i again
Everyone leaves

Why the hell do I miss you so much?







Please just tell me so I can go to sleep...