As I sit there silent
Thoughts tumble over each other
Pouring through my mind,
Trying to make it to my tongue
But they trip each other and
Fall and collapse
Before any of them can make it out

So when I sit there silent
It's not because I'm dumb
It's not because I'm young
It's because my mind is a whirlwind
Of thoughts and ideas
That come out as colors and feelings
And strokes and notes and chords
And sorting them out
Into a presentable form
Is like picking through
A junk yard of valuables
Where I want to keep everything
But it won't all fit in my arms
So it slips through and I'm left
With nothing
On top of my tower
Of precious thoughts
That I can't hold together

You ask how I am and what I think
But do you really want to know
The turmoil and loss and confusion
That mixes so strangely with
Confidence and success and calm
Because right now my body
Is a pulsing mass of contradiction
And containing and controlling my
Scattered mind
Is a deeply daunting task

So when I sit there silent
It's not because I'm dumb
And it's not because I'm young

It's because the articulation of the dizzying complexity that constantly swims in my mind
Requires time and effort to unwind
And I panic when you look at me
With those ever expectant eyes
Because I'm afraid you think I'm dumb
And I'm afraid you think I'm young
But time has passed
And still my thoughts suspend
in a tangled mess
Knotted and ragged behind my tongue

And so
I sit there silent

We spin through magnetic nights
Falling in love with each others
Laughs and quirks
As we sail down streets
On wheels of joy
And bounce grey pebbles
Off copper train tracks
And feel cold wind play with out hair
As the train shoots past our deeply alive eyes
Spinning through magnetic nights

His mind was a factory
A bustling grey and charcoal factory
With machines to create thoughts
But all so systematically
All so perfect precise concise
Not a mistake not a slip was made
The sounds of smooth clicks
And echoes under foot vibrations
All was smooth
All was purposeful
Until she asked for a tour
She asked with innocence and naivety
And he let her in tentatively
She marveled at his systemic mind  
And questioned and awed.
But no one had ever
Entered his mind like this before
And she distracted him
They heard a crash
as a machine malfunctioned
And a thought toppled and shattered
The pieces exploding like a firecracker
Against the grey charcoal floor
He panicked and tried to pick up the pieces
But echoes of a breaking mind tore at his ears
As more thoughts shattered.
He was loosing control
And all because of her
This girl was making him lose his mind
He went to a corner and tried to regain himself
Closed eyes and shaking heart
He sat and stayed,
Oblivious
Emerging he stared
Stared at the prices of his shattered mind
That she arranged
Into an intricate mosaic
And somehow in that moment
He saw a beauty in the brokenness
Something he had never seen before

The line between you and I
Once hard and fast
Steel grey and black
Now fades and simmers away
To silvery white
Cloudy mist
And you are seeping into me
And I am seeping in to you
Our divisions are mumbled
Woven and interconnected
I have lost track
Of where you end and I begin
And I'm dizzy with it all.

I watch the game
With amusement but sadness and pity too
Because they both love each other
But neither can commit
To the potential heartbreak
That could ensue from honesty
So they stay
And poke little references
Or clues or leads
But weak ones
That slip out sideways and seep
Into the floor before
They can be collected
Half hearted efforts
For an achingly full hearted two
Hesitation
Restraint
Fear

My mind spins in tandem with the wheels
Under the running engine beneath my feet
With each mile thoughts form
And ideas connect
And my mind is spinning spinning spinning

My skin
It's cold
It's brittle silver frosted
Stretched too thin
Cracking in the creases
Of skinny wrists

It's stretched too thin
Over my pulsing blood
The Crimson blood gushing
With electric heat
Pounding too hard against
My brittle silver frosted skin

It didn't surprise me when
You plunged your knife of words
Through my very heart
Again
What surprised me was the lack of blood
The lack of pain and the lack of hurt I felt
I watched the blade pass through my chest
Absently
My body turned clear in anticipation
Of your deadly diction
And suddenly I was immune
I had learned to cope
Finally after all this time
My body learned
That something had to give  
So I became a ghost each time
And your frustration welled
Because you no longer had power
Over me
I was my own again
Yes I had scars in my ghostly self
But no more sting of a blade,
no more gush of blood
No more cry of tears
I was my own again

Faces swim before my stationary eyes
Like a school of brainwashed fish
Voices echo through my empty ears
Like chatter of foreign languages
Footsteps pound the surrounding ground
With more force than seems realistic
I'm the only one who's still
The only one not moving
And it's dizzying
How much they move

Her mind was a swirling city
With streets and buildings and stop lights
Woven together as tight as they dared
Bustling people, ideas, swarmed the streets and sidewalks
Pushing to their destinations
None stopped to talk
I was so insignificant
So trivial
A tourist they had been trained to ignore
I sat and watched.
For hours I did nothing but watch
The marvel that is her mind
How it ticked ever on at dizzying speed
A spider web of sprawling streets

You put words in my mouth
In a way I can't spit out
Without the shame and bitterness
Coating my worn down throat

So I bite my swollen tongue
And I grit my aching teeth

In an effort to stifle
What I yearn to say, to yell
That you don't know me now
And you don't deserve to

They were lost in each other
Without a road map out
They would wander in each other's minds  
Tickling their thoughts


Though they were separate stars,
From far away they shone like one
Radiating outward and
shimmering with light
They were perfect together


Torn between friendship and something more
They both eye the line between them
Drawn by their own hands
That now they perhaps regret

Invested in friendship,
Lost without each other
Unwilling to take that leap
Unable to watch it fall apart
So they stay.

Stay.
Until their patience cracks
And neither can take it anymore
Because when he looks into her oceanic eyes
He can see nothing but beauty
And when she gazes through his acorn irises,
She can see nothing but love
And a friendship is hardly sustained
When you crave
To wake up next to the person
You swore to yourself
You didn't love.
And so it ends in bitter longing
And it shrivels in disuse

I: the logs bitter cold and crude
Lumped together in careless toss
Brittle blue and grey

You: the fire passionate full and bold
Wrapping me in consuming embrace
smothering smooth and fierce

Chemistry we have all too much
Our elements attract ferociously
I thought
Thought
Of possible perfection
That your tendrils of light could soothe
My aching cracks
But I forgot
I never fathomed
That fire and wood attract so deeply
Because one consumes the other

I realize I'm burning
Searing heat flows in pulses through
My panicked form
But I'm helpless hapless done
Finished

As I turn to ash and smoke I still admire your flame
Your relentless flame that eats away beautifully at my crumbling frame

I met you in early in the fall
When the winter wind hid
Biding it's time
On the stale summer air
Then the cold overcame
And I saw the bitter wind
Tumble and whip your hair
And I watched as the leaves pushed the
Last bits of color through their stems
Before they gave up
And drifted away in the consuming wind
The months grew long as
The wood supply dwindled
And tempers grew short
Friends snapped like the twigs underfoot
Hope cracked like the leaves
And time froze like the icicles
And you didn't want
To go on
What made you go on?
While I was a twig cracked on the ground
I did not notice how suddenly
Spring had sprung
The twigs and leaves decomposed and
The icicles melted
And all to fuel the flowers
The wonderful flowers that now covered
The ground radiating from you in circles
Racing in ripples to touch everything
With their joy and resilience
It's a mystery to me
How such beauty came out of such
Loss
But it is a beautiful mystery none the
Less  

I guess now I see
That even in
the darkest winter
Flower seeds are there
waiting for the right time
To bloom

I guess now I see
That you need the
Broken twigs and
Cracked leaves and
Frozen icicles
To feed the flowers

I guess now I see
That maybe the season
Wasn't your choice
That maybe seasons just
Happen
And that is okay