hugs and kisses up until now.

a whole new world has peeled before my eyes.

flirty actions and make-out sessions has been forced upon us

alcohol and boys make a great party.

drama and girls happens everyday.

teenage life, what a blast.

R.I.P to my blissful youth.

loving you feels so good,

but hurts so bad.

when my poetry draws a picture in your mind,
what do you see?

do you see a scared little girl?
                     or
do you see a strong women?

don't tell me you love me.

don't tell me you loved me if you broke me.

don't tell me you love me if you manipulated me.

don't tell me you love me if you wanted her body.

don't tell me you love me if you left me.

don't tell me you love me,

because you're lying.

i loved him so much,
that i let him crush

my heart

over and
over and
over again.

until there was only nothing left.

but what do you have he even
crushes your

nothing?

am i still human without my humanity?

coffee at 4,
with basketball boy.

"my treat"
god you're adorable.

his white smile was pure and innocent,
and his tongue did not hold back any lies.

his giggle,
his smile,
his hugs,
his everything,

is amazing.

he is perfectly imperfect.

when he asked he out to the coffee shop,
i caught first date chills.

i am i crazy out mind
because of this situation i'm in?

i feel like the walls are closing in on me,
i needed closure but not this type of it.

i can't breathe,
i can't breathe,

i'm drowning in thin clear air,
i'm panicking heavily.

hitched breathe,
shaking hands,
sweating palms,
blurred vision.

i'm screaming
i'm screaming
i'm screaming
i'm screaming.


what is?
have i lost my sanity?
am i going insane?

am i crazy out mind
because of the situation i'm in?

why do pretty girls

cut them selves

starve themselves

want to die?

because once upon a time they weren't pretty to you.
they were weren't pretty to society.

why? because we build this dumb notion of what beautiful really is.
blue eyes
blonde hair
long skinny legs
flat chest and tummy.

no

that does not makeup a beautiful person.
nor is it perfect.

i am not perfect
you are not either.

so why do we degrade eachother
if what we have under our complexion is all the same.

i would give all i own,
everything i will own,

to feel pain again,

because i don't feel anything.

I understand pain is horrible
but how can it be more terrible

than this infinite silence that lives inside of me?

i died a long time ago,
but i'm still here.

my body is here,
but without a soul.

happy valentines day,

to all the amazing poets x

dance through the pain
everyone cries to.

stick thin,

i want to be envied by girls
not the envious.

stick thin,

i want to see my ribs bulge out of my skin.

stick thin,

i want my wrist to be as small as 7 year olds.

stick thin,

i want to be as small as my self esteem.

i've seen things, but all the wrong sights.

i've heard things, but all the wrong words.

i've done things, but all the wrong doings.

feelings often get in the way.

if i told you it was love, would you believe me?

blonde hair, blue eyes,
flat tummy, thigh gap.
redder lips, long lashes.

vogue likes us skinny.
when we're bulimic you say "be yourself."

you say makeup makes you pretty.
but you tell us "don't mask your complexion!"

what
do
we
have
to
do
to
be
accepted?

i do not write to impress,
i write express me.

if you do not like it,
could you please leave.

"you know smoking kills?"
"drugs do bad things to you"
"alcohol makes you crazy"



sounds like love to me.

the title caught you didn't it?

you see, suicide is like a book.

you don't seem to care about the rising actions such as
self harm, anorexia, self hate.

you only care about the plot.

but, how can you be so concerned about suicide and want it to stop if you can't recognize or care about the signs that lead to it?

if you don't want our books to close early, why do you;

accuse us of faking,
saying we want attention because we talk about our illness,
not give us support and love?





suicide.



still caught your attention.

i can't do it.
i can't go on another day, depressed and not loved.

wait.
not loved?
what?
i'm loved?

i'm loved right?

the old light bulb is my mind,
constantly flickering from on and off,

but i can't fix it, not even with my tools.

i don't want be here,
i want to be alone.
i just wanna end it.

am i loved?
wait.
when was the last time someone said they loved me?
i'm not loved?
i'm loved.
i'm loved right?

i'm scared it's dark,
and it keeps getting darker.

where's the light?

was there a light?
i don't know.

thats stupid.
i'm stupid.

when you're already dead inside,
there is nothing left to live for.

confusion is my main thought.

why did you do this to me?
why me?

my stomach keeps twisting and turning at the
thought of what you do.

you are disgusting.

i want to scream and cry,
but i just remember you.

calling me beautiful and such.

you are sick.

why me?
why me?
why me?


why would you, how could you?

i haven't met you,
i haven't spoken a word to you,

and yet you leave me here numb.

feeling left without pureness,
left feeling unholy.


am i an object?

am i an object you can objectify?

if there's 7 billion candles and one burns out, will get much darker?
why
should
it
make
a
difference
when my light burns out?

we don't have to be insane to be insanely in

L
O
V
E

it has been a year.
but on those nights where i can’t sleep,

at 1am, i remember the times we laughed and loved, lusted and joked.

at 2am, you still stroll around my thoughts, having me think of what could have been.
what hasn’t been.
what would have been.

at 3am, i have an instant replay of the time you shot my heart with a gun called “words” and tried to repair it with a bandaid named “sorry” .

at 4am, i wish to be asleep before i restart my cycle and listen to my heart shatter into a million again.

how adults deal with their problems?

do they cry in their beds so their children wont hear?
do they drink away their problems every night?

do you pay for alcohol with your maxed out credit card?
do you work and work until your mind wanders to stress instead of sadness?

do you drink tea in your bathtub with the temperature just under boil?
do you put on a fake smile everyday?

do you ignore your problems or do you run away from them?




how do i handle my mind in 10 years when i'm an adult?

you're like sunlight, you light me up and show me the way when i'm around you
but
i cannot stay with you for too long or you'll burn me.

boys like girls

girls like boys

boys like boys

girls like girls

what do you think of me and my poems?

some times i get so sad

     i
                                 just

b  r  e  a  k                                    
            
                         down

                                      into
                                                         p
                                                              i
                                                          ­      e
                                                          ­        c
                                                                ­     e
                                                               ­         s.

i've  
       been
               feeling          
                           so
                                     u
                                         n
                                             i
                                               n
                                                  s
                                                    p
                                                       i
                                                          r
                                                            e
                                                              d

when my poetry paints a picture in your head,
what do you see?

friends are like hair,


if you don't maintain it,


it splits-

do you hear the happiness?
our hearts fuelled on our smiles.
our ***** converse on our feet all jumping up and down
to the same upbeat music.
do you hear us? we're happy today.

i am not talented.

for i only write amongst the depressed vocabulary
and never touch upon the list of happiness.

my poems are truthful,
they do not lie.

i shan't write about glee,
i should not ruin it,
and i shan't lie.

my poems are identical,
but fraternal.

same topic.
different verse.

but i cannot write about joyous days when they
were days of despair at my hands?

i am not talented.