don't let my feelings keep you
from the rest of your life
this forty and a lot of reasons
why i'm hiding away

when you wake, i'll be gone away
and you'll do what you like without me
i don't have any problems but honest to god
you got it, your walk, the hills, that wooden
cello you played a little when i was over

but i politely listened through it all
'cause i don't know enough about music
to know if it sounded good

this poem is hidden from strawberry fields who has her "hide explicit poems" checked on. this doesn't make any sense since there's nothing explicit in it. i can't figure out which word is messing with it :S

copy the link and follow it
https://gyazo.com/a67ca996cf151d8c5ace6715bbe44d70

egg whites

i want to eat you
let no one else have you
tie you to my bedpost
and leave the house for the whole day

uneventful day graces
what might one say when all
the cookies are gone
make merry with marrow narrowness

the slave’s in my bedroom with
window blinds open for all to see
in shocking stark gestures
and through showering trees

my dear, where has all the poetry gone
i might answer, where the cookies
and love went, the stubbornness
of push and shove, you speak when i say you can

beg when i want you to

watching you play dark souls
late at night
thigh highs under ripped jeans
instead you're
too absorbed in the game to game me
so i wait
perhaps it's better for me to stay that way

in the cloister, we had coffee
talking something about the soul
today in the cold but sunlit court
with a good girlfriend of mine
is when it struck me:

a pretty Christian girl kind of day
before me, a butterfly kind of day
winging the dark fantasies away
start obeying and getting good habits
would have stayed had i any money
to get the rest of my college degree
kind of day

filling your heart with my replacements
to match my false interpretations
of your expectations of me

when the sun burns my skinny
skin off and there's nothing but
the heart beating for all to watch
the fingerprints you leave on me
compliments like poison, an agent
of all my sighs, eyes sore from first moving

quit treating me like a girl
with all your sentimental online messages
like you're afraid to touch my bones
mysteries too cheap to come by
wings to thin and fragile to fly with
holding on til July

because my sanity's getting loose

ya throw fits at the mall
speak in a child's voice
i hear delicacy in your dialect
but it's optimism, imagination
on my part, trepidation and mistaken
throw tantrums, spilled coffee
deforestation in my thought's trees
skinny love, [lfajfa] in sinks
listening to that song
ya don't dig a whole lot
about him, you don't have a shovel
but you drive your
pink nails in the sheets
it's probably why i can't escape you

Lazy sundays with the sad glow
there’s nothing to be sad about
except that it is all over
of course, my one day off vanished

outside blowing meager paychecks
emerald hillsides topped with leaves
abutting, climbing the city
plunged into histories soon gone

like the cold, gold sun gleaming off
the ribbon of the tarmacked road
we returned to from our escape
peering back through the car’s windshields

i think im being gaslighted
‘cause i can’t remember why i
feel this disgusted with myself
whenever i’m around you

lately i stopped believing in the magic
of being disobedient of other’s rules
every time there’s pieces of my
belongings scattered and hidden

you with a knife ridge smile
and no sign of grieving for the waves
you stole away from me
i need to run away but i don’t know how

for the record, yeah.
i’m as flat as a board
and sometimes i get breast envy

when i feel super girly
my best friend has two pillows
that i love to rest my head on

i know it’s not universal with everyone,
but i love ‘em, squeeze ‘em, slap ‘em,
feel how soft they are, kiss them

maybe i love my best friend too much but
i feel like this poem is going in a direction
i would rather us to not go in

out the trap into a brand new audi
says A class stuff like
i like my men and my drugs white
but don’t project on me

even if she still was in there
she’d still be owning it
devotion is a sin, she’s hunting but she’s
not hungry

so tightens the end of september
like a noose, rained for weeks straight
and i’m doing whatever feels right

you run your fingers thru my hair
and i’m embarrassed, don’t know
how to tell you how i feel

want to run away into the night
with you, want to drink again
and fight the system, its every discoloration

so each day goes
forgetting what brings the glitter
back in my eyes, smiles fading for no reason

funny how it's always
been about you

the wind's through the larynx
of a world raging without us
the song's making us weep

the stage too hard to cast our swag on
fingers to shaky to turn the page

i've been kicking it with a friend
the undertone of sinister elegance
of age - the vanishing of what used to be

subtle and solemn undertones
she’s becoming a no-vac mom
stars and pyramids have fates
designed for each of us,
schemes and snake oil posing
as natural herbs and curing
the werewolf of decaying intellect
the true nature of blissful ignorance

just look ‘round

sometimes i think about you
other times you worm yourself
back inside my dreams like a solicitor
strain to hear your voice

i'm striking attitudes with you as the sun sets
of course, young and stupid
can't really hide my emotions
at all when i'm around you

we're always together where
i last spoke to you before; at that **** park
i don't go to anymore because memories hurt
since you killed yourself, aren't we always depressed

speak to me your secrets and the signs
i've always failed to see
give me all your wisdoms
and the sense of urgency in your voice
before i wake up broken from the dreams
stuff that melts my heart into wax
voice to a whimper
bones like water
body empty
and thoughts missing you
but running forever

fell into a hole of myself--
i know too much

a bag of cheetos in an ill-fitting suit
runs the country - made the mistake

of reading what it had to say
awhile ago

all in the stirring of a feather
my ego, my ignorance

smattering albiet aggressively in an annoying
aggregate, dog-bark bird-squacking

grating my effing ears
these 7am mornings

you know deep down
the answer
you want to try it
pressure builds walls
and you like it

got messed up feet
from those heels
tennis shoes and skirts
like a school girl
and i like it

but bad lessons are all
i teach

put it on me, lick me like a lollipoppy
popping money in my skinny jeans
learned my love life from the movies

just got my heart back from my main squeeze
and i'll wear it inside out
as long as you promise to break me from myself

we talk a lot of it
i'm afraid i'm as empathetic
as a piece of damp paper

slept together and then talked
about pokemon and programming
yeah, i wish i went back
to the way things were before
i messed it all up

but today is different
i'm not the one messing things up
on the sidelines trying to be a good friend

Try too hard,
adjectives aren't my thing
you might be as old as you say you are
but it's not very worth it
cigarettes and love aren't either
the way i look at you?
like a 165 pound
slab of meat
i would love to cut up and eat
or maybe- have you cut me up
and eat me instead

i'm lean i swear

i’m a bad baby, a wet pussycat
that does a whole lot of meowing
nobody left to blame, a goodbye loser

love me, hate me, be my bruiser
classy lady, i’m unruly you can tie me
up and school me just don’t try to save me

and i parted ways with bad friends
if tomorrow comes then what’s good
don’t be afraid to laugh at my expense

I'm a table, I'm a bench
I'm an appliance with many uses
I'm a dead girl in the front seat
of your Cadillac

Was hoping to get dicked down
by your Master Sword but
cell connection's kind of spotty
I'll clean it with my pics because I want to eat

spoiling your paradise
tie me down and school me
make me clean your mess
is this what you want?

vain fluff, temporary garbage
954 pieces of trash is too much
to pick up

let the most dazzling of sunlight
and cool shade get along in peace
let the blue fat flies settle on the miles
of back alleyways full of dumpsters

veiled threats from anonymous faces
who are apparently experts in poetry
let it all rot under a gibbous moon

Start a phase
call it don’t tell Dave
she shows me the way
and puts on a show

it’s the way she combs
my hair
it’s the way she leaves
her makeup near my boyfriend’s
computer watching them tutorials
on youtube

orange and artificial
bright eyes
how i wish i could
be just like you
hate me for something
just

don’t tell Dave
that my cartharsis comes from
the sparks of her loving hands
it’s the way that i lie awake
lying and the way she moves

i'm eating glass shards
and complaining about
the way my gums bleed
one day i'm gonna turn
inside out and become some
other body or somebody else

starting with the dentures first
and the three thousand dollar
surgery that you flew out to florida
to get won't mean a thing
because i'm somebody new
not a living embarrassment

kooky, kooky llamas and duckies
frank ocean and kanye westy
in your car, rain pouring on our gucci
escape into your house, but feeling weird

like we're gonna do something
wrings the self and our hair of water
like our mangled garments
you play destiny 2 and i read poetry

not one hundred emoji on that chief
what we're supposed to be or do today
on our day off, write about nothing
and realize that's how it's supposed to be

Love me some more
pour your heart and i’ll pour in mine
you live near an airport
and i hear the low laboring growl
of some jets casting shadows over our heads

in bed with you in the afternoon
smearing the pink sunset
our low hanging blood keeping us
sleepy seedy and awaiting the frosty night
to come again
love me some more

let the gusts do their dance through
the windows
and let the towers of today fall

no i can’t change you or her
God’s wrath is disillusioning you
from hearing yourself or me
or all death’s friends

you think you can fix her
a thousand times like each plate
she’s thrown at you and each fist
she’s swung at you

and i’m telling you God won’t remember
the woman that she used to be
and the counselors won’t help you or her
but you’re a fixer man

can’t fix your back from that one time
she hit it with your old baseball bat
but you’ll fix her one day, right?

got a condo in manhattan
but it's empty unless i want to be
cold in the winter
and alone; comfortable

used to call an old flame up around that
area and just vibe
no words, pure concentration on
the movements of our energies

and how they connect to the stars
above or maybe we were just high
out of our minds and being warm
next to each other watching the rain

was something we both could take
home with nostalgic feelings
silence so comforting and numbing

gucci on my feet
dior on my outfit
something about making
all the money back

busy windshield wipers, red light.
messing with dating apps
while you’re talking
about buying black ops 4

forget what my purpose is
misted in the same drizzling cloud
fogging up the windows
the funny noises you make

when you laugh
dispel all the monsters
away in my mind
philosophy away, leaving an echo

nightgown floors
episodic
pulses in knots
spread your pink punk drama
like the blossoms on the streets
china town
red lights
i bite off more than i can take

usually last a few minutes
the slow burn
bitter taste
wind chill needs to chill
fam needs to chill
bank account needs to chill
room remained behind glass
sipping coffee
bad fridays taste just as bad

never meant to fight ya
now that you're gone
i know why i hated when
everything felt right
because when i was with you
i couldn't help but lip bite
for all the wrongs and bruises
in a blue bedroom alone
back to feeling nothing
not even the sweet sting
of a lip bite

nippy thursday outside
black berry clusters gather
in their dark matter conclaves
silent is the August essence
it’s morning and it’s laundry day
got only your boxers on

got a lovely tatty on ya left leggy
got no motivation or inspiration
but that *** needs lotsa smackin'
or maybe mine does, red from your hands

bittercress amongst the flowers outdoors
warding dancing birdflit
of people friendly pudgy pigeons
man i hate the birds, the people

singing their arias, their liturgy
feeling like they know somebody
in the canon, me in the sheets listening
to their rumors, trying to break our secret

watch you from far away
as the sun slinks beneath the trees
got some
bad luck
a bad body
a curse in love
like it follows me hopelessly like a ghost
wanting to join the living again
you wink at me from your camaro
like it means something
in your gucci flippy floppies
and i giggle like it means something
two strangers never to see each other again
autumn will inherit ohio soon
me promising i won't be scared
of having air as the infill of my arms
and time is a stream with purposeful arrows
who am i to be your burden

girl full of demons
hospital bed of course
getting under my skin

psychedelics are her life
since she never had one to begin with
unique as a different colored bookmark
inside her Nietzsche book

breed. complacency. man. woman.
everything between
the ecstasy of snow in February
stuck with getting to know you

i was beefing with another girl
in a two year old inconsistent blip
summer by summer, mad then silent
churning of the rapid water hourly

get nothing done at all, but fall into
a rotation without a darker cause
simply forgetting what it was
exactly that started it

whatever was curved
around the dusky breeze, bro
overtook the over the shoulder look
vortexes into a lazy bubbly whirl
in the lake we would hang out by

i’ll come around if you do
but we don’t talk
like we used to on the way
to the supermarket
but i’m on my way
to the “lost and free as i could be
me”

it’s as all i’m meant to be
supposes me, supposes you.

i live with it injected into me
my phone listens to me more than
i do the people on the other side
and it gives me ads about my depression
got a state that’s leaking it all into the ground
and ran by a nuclear man
just who is the patriarchy? people
who hate science and the ability
to choose what others like

maybe one day i’ll grow ****, you just wait
before the earth sheds itself
of humans

if you can’t see what’s in front of you
you lose what you could’ve got
baby baby friends since the sixth grade
now you’ve seen me naked
and you know you want more and more

im a loving mistress and im a sub
want love and can’t get enough

expecting the ride of a lifetime
hype guy with the pimped out kith jeans
and the shoes that cost god knows what
but he pulls me off of him so he can
carefully unlace them, while i get drier
than a desert waiting for him

like, ***?
show up in sweats and a hoodie so i can
steal it next time, man

laugh at the spring
of an innermost bud
sweep into drunkenness
an insensitive buzz
couch surfing hymns

state to state, you in your
least excellent of clothes
still steals the breath away
from the shiniest worn by most
best friends for life, safe from him

i guess i still miss you
but talking’s for functioning people
when we stand stark
at the vertices of our dog days
we don’t say anything at all
in uncharted autumn
we still have a little sun left
trying to make sense
of the irregularities that compact
this relationship
into tiny little boxes we check
every once and awhile
ostentatiously

if you think you're beautiful
i don't want to win that lottery
take it all:
the baby,
eyes
and mirror
they all have
impurity and you eat hearts
like a delicacy

while i'm alone
at my house searching for my
glasses i cast away
because i couldn't
look at you any longer

get it away from me
empty it out my eyes
i'm not brave enough
to scoop these orbs
out of their sockets
empty it out
let them harden
into rocks
the crumble like sand

my life is hella fun right now
you like to sing in the shower
while i try to cook food in the kitchen
mornings are great, leftovers are greater
and you want some, you always want
some in the morning
and i feel the breeze for the first time

people say i'm weird but hey
i'm from ohio
and everyone is weird here
go outside and forget to wear some pants
but i rock plaid got two more
weeks til i’m off probation
been writing too long and now i’m
saying just don’t mess things up

Friday is for fry yays, queer guys
coming at me with the gold heart
and smooth, skin tender intentions
I’d rather call all my friends

and sit around being poor and pretty
at a park

you didn't quite break me in two yet
the slow nights walking around
you not taking me out on dates
never bothered me at all

hope you're not
giving the memories away to the birds
my hair is getting too long, been living lately
the shoes at the door, i'm running outside barefoot
you say i look fine
and everything is so simple around you
i wonder where to give your love away
because there's still a part of me that feels for you

had my birthday last year, the worst day of my life
probation over dumb things
picked up poetry, you say you love it
alone in the house without you