I thought I knew what I was,
what I wanted,
who I’d be.

But time reminded me
of my mortality.

Accidents sculpted.
Limbs punctured.
Secrets spilled.

My foundation slipped out.
The mess was astounding.

Broken.
Bruised.
Battered.

Onlookers scoffed.
Kin took perimeter,
shielding me within.

It was there  
I remembered
who I’d been.

Coldness seeps and ebbs,
Flowing like ocean tides,
Waves dragging brine and grit behind,
Tears washing away the day.

Candles flicker in the dark,
Casting shadows across the scars,
Catching the gleam of her rings,
Cascades of iridescence falling from her eyes.

She's hollow now,
A shell left on the beach.
Hairline fractures bisect her being,
As she tries to hold herself together.

It's no use.
She's always falling apart,
Just below the surface,
Ashamed of her weakness,
Afraid to be turned away.

She's always afraid to be forgotten.

Troubling thoughts cross my mind when i ponder on my past.
A ****** start from heaven, but how will my story end?
I am not fair to the ones who brought me up
And i'm more concerned with my cliques no matter how short they last.
Instead of advancing in my studies,
I burn time with fluff.
I could change my story at any time
But i chose to let it slip up.
Is it possible that my book is already written
And i have not finished reading?
Or am i working on a first draft that will be revised once i finish?
So much time has been wasted and i know exactly what i would edit.
But for now, i'll finish my story
And procrastinate the editing for later.

Music I heard with you was more than music,
And bread I broke with you was more than bread;
Now that I am without you, all is desolate;
All that was once so beautiful is dead.

Your hands once touched this table and this silver,
And I have seen your fingers hold this glass.
These things do not remember you, beloved,--
And yet your touch upon them will not pass.

For it was in my heart you moved among them,
And blessed them with your hands and with your eyes;
And in my heart they will remember always,--
They knew you once, O beautiful and wise.

I notice you the moment I walk in
You, however, don't give a ****
Looking at your pretty little associates
Giggling over some inane matter
While you sit like you are
Some kind of holy,
With a ****-eating grin
On your face. Your attention
Doesn't waver from them

I walk inside, intensely tired
Gone insane with all the fake-
grins and the somewhat awkward
Fun we all had. Your attention
Doesn't waver from your papers
Your precious little papers
I note, with a sardonic grin
I close my eyes and simply
Don't care any more as I
Strip out of my clothes
Chuck off my stupid heels
And fall on the bed, letting
Out a sigh of relief, comfort
Finally, I get to relax
My spine relaxes but it tingles
With awareness of the
Audience. I open my eyes
My vision blurry from over-use
I meet his gaze across the room

He keeps staring
Disconcerted and too weary to deal
With his mood-swings, I close my eyes
And bury my face in the pillow

My head is hurting, it is pounding
And I am at the end of my rope
He comes with slow, languid strides
Makes me sit-up, hands over the flask
Filled with water, my name engraved
On the cap, and a pamphlet of Aspirin
I praise the medical wonders
As I knock it down and lie on the bed again
I can feel it acting its magic
My nerves are loosening out
My head is being quietened bit by bit

As my vision blackens, I notice his
Face, eyes, expression
Strangely, something looks
Like longing on his face

I can't get her out of my head
It's this girl
A stranger to me, yet all I can think of
Beautiful beyond belief
A million dollar smile
The easiest laugh I have ever had the pleasure of hearing
Its this girl
And she will never be mine

Walks in the park
Naps in the sun
I just want some tea by the fire
Skinny dipping at midnight
Kisses stolen, snatches of heaven
Secrets shared, sleep long forgotten
I just want to love, and be loved

That's not how it works though
For me, anyways
I will get loneliness
Nights spent by myself
Nobody to share the blanket with
Or to rely on, while being relied on

Its this girl
And she won't be mine

Everything you say and do,
I still resent you.
And from my heart of hearts,
I wish your horrid, drawn out death
       the easiest of starts.
Your lips breed putrid cologne
That rots me from the cores of bone.
Your presence drags on my flesh to make it crawl
Enough that i'd rather bang my head against the wall.
My poetry even suffers from this burning hate
And leaves it to a simple, rhyming fate.
I crossed the line from passion and grown to detest
The time spent with you, which began so blest.
My mind is bare and uncomplicated thanks to you
So just remember,
Everything you say and do,
I still deplore, detest, and loathe
Myself.