my eyes are so tired,
i rub them for a moment so they can rest.
marbles of sadness roll down my cheeks,
then down upon my neck.
draped with pearls and gems and jewels,
they'll never be enough.
for all i wanted was your love,
but you don't give a ****.

"Good morning", he said, as he kissed me on my cheek.
My eyes fluttered open in a still room.
I smelled the salt of bacon and the sweet of pancakes.
“Jump out of bed”, I say to myself, “for it will be a lovely day.”
"Good morning, honey." I say to him, as he stood in front of the stove.
His beautifully, muscular arms flexed and relaxed while he stirred his morning tea.
He sipped slowly and I embraced him comfortably from the back.
For everything was splendid and positive and peaceful.

18 days have passed and
every morning, that has led up to this one, has been the same.
He wakened me with the comfort of his lips and he cooked me breakfast and he loved me.
But,
on the eighteenth day,
bad news came from his brother.
His mother had died.
He said, "It was too hard to bear."
In the day to come,
I did not receive his soft embrace to get me out of bed.
I received silence, or solitude, or the scorching sting of his slap.
He did not make me breakfast,
nor did he make lunch,
nor did he make dinner.
He yelled and cried and the tea he drank
became *****,
then whiskey,
then ***.
My mournings became my mornings.
The look of adoration and strength slipped from his eyes,
and from that eighteenth day 'til this one,
his eyes have been cold and violent.
The light never shines in this house,
and it is no longer a home
to me or to him or to our hopes or our dreams.
I love him so and I want to caress him and tell him he can get better from this,
but he has been experimenting with drugs and
hate flows in his veins
and the stench of alcohol consumes his heart.
Help please,
I love him and I can not let him go.

this night is especially
dark and cold.
the moon's haunting glow doesn't shower me with light;
your heart is closed up tight.
i will take anything i can get from you.
**** me, cherish me, abuse me too.
whichever your mind desires,
because right now, your heart is too tired.
-
hold me close and let me breathe,
this is where i'm supposed to be.
stroke my arms and play with my hair,
the way things crumbled is just not fair.
comfort me and tell me it'll be alright,
even when positivity is nowhere in sight.
i've loved you long before i was this self in this body on this planet.
we met a long time ago,
our souls collided.
this is not the way it was supposed to end.
we are not destined to be just  friends.
we floated amongst the stars in the galaxies and soared from planet to planet.
i didn't know when i'd see you again, there wasn't much time to plan it.
zero gravity is where we will see our happy ending.
no earth words can be said that won't be received as condescending.
i just know,
God has set us up effortlessly.
now is not the time,
but baby you can't run,
what is meant to be will be.

wrap me in your love,
then rip it away.
i've been feeling lonely these last couple of days.
i've gone to all my meetings,
and i promised to stay clean,
but there's something so intriguing about you,
you evil fiend.
it feels like I'm going psychotic,
but it's alright,
you're my narcotic.
and tonight, i shall OD.

hold me tight for one last night.
tell me everything will be alright.
when you said, "I love you,"
it wasn't to me- like i had hoped.
It was to her.
My heart was broken and shattered and it hurt me to breathe for a while and it still hurts sometimes but my breathing has gotten better and
you are not mine.
when you come near, i wheeze and huff and puff and sigh.
You have hurt my heart,
i'll just get high
and burn these thoughts away.
when you make me sad and grey,
i fiend for something to make me sane.
illegal things fill my craving
but they'll never bring me a happy ending.
i will cry myself to death.

When you said such insightful things,
things that make me think and stop and be,
you have me hooked.
When we can stay up until 5 in the morning
and talk about the universe
and aliens and death,
as well as weather patterns and ways we can uncorrupt our nation,
and not be bored,
and not have one second of unfilled silence,
that's the day
I will fall in love.
Argue with my theories and be honest and accept when I tell the truth and know when it's all a bluff.
I don't need to be married to my best friend,
but I need to marry someone that loves me for me.
Someone who can expand my miniscule mind.
Someone who can accept that I am, in fact, insane.
Say things so profound, I have to rethink all that I have thought before.
And when I don't understand or believe in what you do,
explain
or don't,
but be okay with the difference of opinions and theories we will have.
We are not all the same and
despite all the disputes and opinions that may create barriers between us,
we love each other and
we will even through disagreements and rants and assumptions.
I promise to always be willing
to hear out things I may not like
and some things may be false.
There may be personality flaws,
but you will have your way.
I'll see more than your brown,
seemingly soulless, eyes,
because your soul is so stunning.
I have no choice but to see who you really are during our glimpses throughout the day.
When you fall asleep on the couch,
while watching documentaries,
I won't make you come to bed.
I'll bring you a blanket,
or better yet,
I'll cuddle up on the couch next to you.
I can't promise that there won't be a dull moment,
because they do happen,
but I can promise to sing in the kitchen while making dinner and I can promise to dance really badly while I get dressed in the morning,
and I definitely promise I will always play music loud enough the neighbors will hear.
I can't promise that everyday will be I will be the best, but
I can say that sometimes I will be the bigger person
and apologize when I was clearly right.
I vow to love you forever,
even after tragedies and fights and hard times.
And all that I ask, in return is that
you do the same for me.