Lana Leandoer

Lana Leandoer Dec 2014

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Count the times you cut my heart.
You watched me bleed,
I sparked a port.
Your words caress my face.
Remember when we were just friends?
Rondevous and danger,
what a mix.
Pour me up a little drink,
let me smoke this spliff.
When it was just me and you,
our minds could coexist.
Now that there is like three or four,
I always feel so sick.
Let me love the way you are,
the way you wanna be.
Can I just take care of you?
Let's travel from nation to nation and see what we see.
Hold me inside your world
and let me kiss your neck.
We'll all live happily,
if you just let me in.

Lana Leandoer Dec 2014

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break me down, lift me up.
one more day and i'll be gone.
mental states are crazy.
all i want is you and me, baby.
kiss me goodnight.
i'll feel your hair and touch the ground you lay in.
you shot-
me down from the sky.
i'll love you forever,
i don't know why.
"manic depression has captured my soul."
i shot-
my life and ****** it to hell.
lets cuddle and laugh and stare at the stars.
the grass keeps me warm...
i'll love you again
between the bars of these gates.
I seen God today.
oh look! a shooting star,
please, oh please, let's make a wish.
Au Revior, my love.
I'll see you real soon.
The flames gonna consume you again
before the night is through.

Lana Leandoer Dec 2014

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We're not speaking.
You've got a girlfriend,
my heart is broken.
I've cried myself to sleep...
I'll continue to hide in the shadows until
it is my time.
I have unfollowed you,
so I don't hurt everyday
when I see you two together.
"Alanna, just go out and enjoy the weather."
But sadly, it's hard to feel the breeze when
my skin is numb.
I'm frozen,
shattered,
raw.
I may be dumb,
but that's why I stay.
Loving you just feels right
and wrong.
All I am sure about is how you make me feel and
for me,
that's all that matters...

Lana Leandoer Dec 2014

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The sky opened up and you apppeared.
A man, a memory, a wrinkled smile-
Your laugh runs in and out of my ears.
All is purposeful,
nothing a mistake.
Every twist and curve, of your teeth
were placed exactly where they lie.
Every follicle in your head
for a reason
in the season we call spring.
Cross the street when you did.
The man that hit you-
the way you died.
Nothing a mistake, my love.
Your body floats away.
Your voice is not the same.
I don't remember what you said to me...
I can't remember your noise.
A colossal waste of time is what you were.
you loved me and made me really happy
then you are ripped away
like a comb in this matted hair of mine.
My heart was broken in more ways then just one, the day you left.
Your body stayed,
your bones remain.
*I *have to let you go.

Lana Leandoer Dec 2014

last resort

What happened to us not judging one another and being open and able to share anything at any time?
just tell me...
when?
when?
when?
Tell me how long until one of us sees the light?
or am i just stuck in the dark?
When will I be enough for you?
All I needed was love and appreciation.
I needed to know that everything I did to keep you in my arms
was enough
because you were all that mattered to me.
What happened to us texting each other all night long
and sharing deep dark secrets at 3 in the morning?
What happened to us sneaking around with one another
so our parents didn't catch us in the act?
When will I matter to you as much as you matter to me?
When will I be enough?
When did I become to weak to keep you?
please
Bring me towards the light.
Just let me know.

Lana Leandoer Dec 2014

ciao

It has been many months,
but the same is still as present as it was the day
you told me you didn't give a **** about me.
I've tried to wash you out of my mouth with the saliva of other boys,
but yours had a unique taste.
Now you’re not in my mouth,
but you’re constantly jumping in and out of my head.
I have compared them all to you.
The way you made me feel special and
the way you made me feel like ****.
Every detail of you is scattered all over everywhere.
I take three showers a day to try and wash you out of my
emotional,
mental,
and physical being.
When I sleep at night, your hands touch me all over and
you whisper sweet nothings into my ears,
but when i wake up full of hope,
I'm left with the darkness and shadows of my room.
I actually heard my heart shatter when i scrolled through your Instagram.
The shards are so small but they hurt so bad.
I’ve tried throwing them up,
I’ve tried sleeping them off,
but they’re still here.
GET OUT OF ME! ALL OF YOU!!!
please.
It’s unbearable.

Lana Leandoer Dec 2014

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The butterflies in my stomach have all escaped.
Apparently, you can’t care for butterflies when you can barely care for yourself.
My head was filled with sparkles and dreams.
Now, all that remains is ivy and streams.
I only think poisonous thought
and streams of love and lust and heart break and hurt flow from my eyes down my cheeks.
We used to hold hands, now all I hold is this knife.
I contemplate if I should cut myself into a trillion tiny pieces.
I'm continuously trying to make my outsides feel like my insides.
When you’d kiss me, it felt electric yet safe-
I could live off of you
instead of oxygen.
Now the only thing touching my lips is this joint.
Bellows of smoke stomp down my esophagus into my lungs,
beating me up on the inside-
like an army protecting its country-
except noting is protecting me.
***** has become my best friend,
except she’s constantly burning my eyes.
I guess when you drink her like water, she comes out as tears.
My heart used to sound like morning birds and smell like a bed of roses.
Now all that remains is emptiness and longing and
shards of my heart are stabbing my other barely working organs.
It’s cold in here and you’re no longer around to turn up the heat.
The frostbite has begun to set in and even though my lips are turning blue and there is ice forming around my shoulders,
you won’t even get up to bring me a ******* blanket.