Lana Grace

Lana Grace Sep 2014

I do it to myself all the time.
It seems to all crash in slow motion-all of it.
The desire for everything to be fixed overtakes me yet I to push away anyone who has the capability to bring me harm.
But they don't know who I am.
My failures seem more than any victory I long to hope for.
It's as if everyday as I drive on home, I dread to walk into the door I call "home".
My silent prayer is a plea to be anyone but me.
My thoughts have become so hidden, that I've disguised this monster I've become.
And maybe that's exactly what sends my heart cracking into tiny pieces.
The fact that I've become a monster.
The fact that I can smile, laugh, say the right things, yet still feel the pain my heart longs to get rid of.

Rescue me, Lord.
The battle will go on, I understand that.
But refuge never sounded so sweet.

Jul 2014

Robert Blankenship

The Limit of Gods Love

Gods love has no border
It is an ocean with no shore
A universe with no ending
An opening with no door

It has no edge to mark
No line where its complete
It is an endless depth
It has no bounds to keep

No wall can hold it back
No river is too wide
Gods love is always reaching
Even through the tears you've cried

Forever it carries on
Into the great abyss
Never has man known
A love such as this

Lana Grace Jul 2014

the void in my heart

There was a different type of breaking in my heart.
It wasn't over the fact of missing the one my soul loved,
It was the fact that there was a void in my heart that only love could fill.

Lana Grace Jul 2014

can't get the past out of my mind

I think of you when I savor the taste of strawberry ice cream in the summer time.
When I'm driving down town and i stop at a red light, I remember the late night drives we always had and how we never stopped, we just kept driving.
When I see a couple walking down the street laughing, I remember the nights you held my hand and whispered to me, "you're mine."

I still have those tickets from one of our first dates when we played in the arcade shooting those stupid basketballs.
I remember how serious you were to beat your old score, that competitive demeanor you always have had.
I remember how protective you were of me, how much I thought you loved me.

Why did you walk away? The part that hurts me the most is that maybe you fell in love with your feelings instead of actually the person before you. The little girl who so longed to be pursued and loved. I guarded my heart so well against yours, perhaps it was the guard of my heart that finally pushed you away testing to see if you loved me enough to break through.

And right when you were about to,
You left.
I left.
I guess the funny part is that I had no idea how much I ended up loving you, until it was too late.

what if I'm never meant to be loved.

Lana Grace Jun 2014

running in the valley

I fell in love with the lover of my soul.
The One who's love is deeper than the process of all thoughts; all understanding.
When I went on the mountaintop,
The view proclaimed His name.
The daisy's danced with joy to the music of His passion,
The wind proclaimed the life He supplies.
I fell in love with my Savior in a way I hadn't before.
And now that I am back in the valley, I see the mountaintop I once stood upon.
I see how it overlooks all of the chaotic lust this world holds,
But I see that now I never was meant to stay on a mountaintop.
I was meant to run in the valley, bringing light and love wherever He may lead me.

Lana Grace Jun 2014

yay for never wanting to get out of bed

I figured it out.
I fell in love with that thought that somebody could love me to the depths of my flaws to the entrance of my heart.
Silly me.

Lana Grace Jun 2014

letter to j

Dear J,
I don't know why I'm writing to you right now if I was to be honest with myself.
I'm constantly battling between the thoughts if I liked you for who you were or if I liked you for the perfect personality you have.
I know that's a horrible thought.
I feel like a monster admitting that thought in my head.
But you were the first one I ever held hands with.
You held me with such careful arms, you took my hand in yours and called me yours.
You promised to live life with me, you told me you loved me.
And I never repaid it.
Not the way you deserved, to say the least.
The whole time, I thought of someone else, the first person ever to break my heart.
He never quite mended it , and maybe my mistake was thinking he could be the only one that could mend it.
I don't know what I did for you to walk away, maybe the fault was in my unreturned love.

But what if I'm just know figuring out that I really did.

Maybe I don't even care about the expectations I had, or the hurt I held inside because it was you that made those thoughts all go away.
I'm so lost, so hurt, and I would do anything right about now to hear the raspy way your voice said my name when you really had something to say.
Or the way how your whole body moved as you silently laughed which really was music to my ears.
Or how about the way you looked at me when you would tease me about my horrible way of singing or why I wouldn't play the stupid music you wanted to hear on my phone.

My mistake was not realizing the feelings I deeply had for you.
Sometimes I'll just walk in a room and be so sure you were there too by the similar scent, but you're not there.
Sometimes a friend will tell me a joke that will remind me so much about how the way you laughed when I would get suddenly shy at one of your lame pick up lines.

I know things won't ever be able to go back to the way they use to be, but I felt like I needed to write this.
Because if I could choose anything right now, it would be to have you here right now , cradling my hand in your strong one, and holding me in your arms.
I'd have you tell me how beautiful I am to you, and how much I mean to you.
I need that. I miss you. And maybe...maybe I love you.

suppose to be a poem about life but whoops.