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 Jun 2013 LDuler
Redshift
i just realized
that i spent another entire day
subconsciously chanting to myself
that i am a *******.

i have no reason to think this.
i am a beautiful,
intelligent
redhaired spitfire
and i'm not afraid to say any of those things
people don't say those things to themselves
enough
but why
the ****
do i constantly remind myself
all day
that i am
a piece of
****
who is
telling me this
and why
do i believe it?
society, stop trying to **** me.
Sometimes I wonder.
I feel I'm going
two kinds of crazy.

the first is
ordinary madness

the second is
extraordinary insanity.

Yet somehow, they mix into a great fog.
Impenetrable.

They'll say, She's come undone.
Slowly unraveled,
like an old knit sweater
each thread floating up
to dissolve in the sky
or is it the sea? one's just a bit wetter

It happened slowly.
Such a shame.
Like the frog that was boiled;
she hopped out a bit too late.
one word at a time
slipped from her grasp
like that one tiny eggshell taunting
"TORO! TORO!"
can't grab a word by its horns.

I ad lib, substituting a synonym.

I snap out of the sky(ocean)
regrounding myself.

The madness is perhaps early Alzheimer's.
I'm too young to grow old.

The insanity feels more like I'm trapped
but outside my head.
A balloon a careless child let go of.
I drift
dream.
wonder.    
unraveling        
continuously.          

I think my problem is that
I don't believe in reality anymore.

How do I know England exists?
How do I know we landed on the moon?
How do I know that my friend is real?
How do I know I'm not dreaming?
How do I know I'm not someone else's dream?

Once you think about it-
you realize
You don't know - and you can't prove-
Anything

I suppose that's why I believe in God.
He grounds me.

Nothing else makes sense.
Thanks to Muse for the title.
 Jun 2013 LDuler
brooke
It's okay if
no one reaches
for me.
(c) Brooke Otto
 May 2013 LDuler
Fenix Flight
He taught me how to love again.
To Open my heart to someone.
He gives me the respect that I never knew before.
He treats me like I'm his number one priority.

In his arms is where I find my safe place.
I can break down and cry and know it's OK.
He's there for me no matter what.
His love for me is greater then anything.

Whenever I'm around him my heart starts skipping beats.
I can barely control my urges to kiss him.
When I'm with him I can't help but say "I Love You."
But I really want to say "I'm in love with you."

His touch sends shivers of longing down my spine.
When he kisses me I always ache for more.
With him I can let my guard down.
And finally be the real me.

Love use to scare me, But with him I embrace it.
He makes me feel alive.
With him I feel safe, Like nothing can hurt me.
And I know this is only the beginning.
 May 2013 LDuler
Liam
Futility
 May 2013 LDuler
Liam
angry with yourself
start self-defense mechanism
angry at the world
 May 2013 LDuler
Liam
Not So Thin
 May 2013 LDuler
Liam
lost weight recently
but found it in the freezer
some Girl Scout Thin Mints
 May 2013 LDuler
Redshift
eating pretzels
and chugging fruit juice
that mercifully
doesn't taste suspiciously
like vegetables
thank you, jesus
and a plague on both of
v8's houses

amen.



....*******
I feel lost. The strings holding me here suddenly seem to have slipped through my fingers, and I am left looking up at the sky, a child who's lost their first balloon.

And like the balloon I am floating.
Waiting for my inevitable explosion into the atmosphere. Everything that ascends must return to the ground. If only my mood swings weren't subject to the laws of physics.
A lot of late nights recently.
 May 2013 LDuler
Redshift
oh god.
half an hour more
and you'll get to see the sunrise,
lil red.
paint your toenails,
wave at depression
who's sitting against your door
because he's been locked out
for about
two weeks
don't worry about him
you can let him in
tomorrow
this is what happens when i'm left to my own devices. i turn on the shower and sit in the bathtub trying to drown. lovely.

i'm not bipolar. or even severely depressed. some stuff just *****, is all.
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