i found
M Y S E L F
explaining this to the kids
some from group
H O M E S
some from broken
F A M I L I E S
there eyes dance with the
E X C I T E M E N T
from the idea of a place called
H O M E

for me home has always
been a dream
something i visit when nights are cold
when the throb in my skull
wont leave me be
i visit this home idea
maybe its a cabin
cool with the breeze of a summers night
the crackle of fire
brightening the distance
like a beacon calling me to a place called
home

i look in your eyes and im
H O P E L E S S
come as you are to me dont need
A P O L O G I Z E
i wish i could help you see your
W O R T H
im here for the bad days and your good i will walk through the
S T O R M
and i will do this all because i love you
U N C O N D I T I O N A L L Y

What doesn’t **** you makes you stronger
I’ve heard that said far to many times
But growing up in a house on fire
That doesn’t make you stronger
That leaves you with
third degree emotional burns
That manifest into unbridled chaos
I mean I can’t even light the stove top
I mean I can’t even taste cheep beer
Or smell cheep wine
Without the feeling of your fist
Colliding with my cheek bone
Without the feeling of purple bruises
Burning across my cheeks
You where the reason the house was lit on fire
Don’t try to tell me I’m stronger

i wish i could see him
but ive been drowning in myself
just pretending im fine
as you tell me that were just friends
i guess the fire in your eyes
burnt out
is this how we end?

love is a hurricane
it begins as a light rainfall
a soft heart beat
a light footed dance
and then the wind picks up
and our desires grow
and the dance becomes fast
and the need to be in the others touch
can leave you broken
and shattered in its wake

I am a hurricane
blowing my winds with words
that is so strong you can't argue with them

I am a hurricane
tearing down your lies with heavy rain
like the branches of weak trees

I am a hurricane
breaking you down with thunder so loud
even the houses fall to the ground

I am a hurricane
washing away all the pain you caused
like the graffiti that is now gone

i am strong
i can not be broken
i can be hit
by your cruel words
and i can stand
i can take anything
i can fight through anything

i can still remember the night
that you came home and you weren't sober
and you loving arms that excepted me
and where always there to comfort
turned in to fists that never wanted a daughter
and they beat me till i learned not to struggle

i can still remember the day
that you came home and you started drinking
and your loving eyes that welcomed me
and were always happy
turned into anger that should have never had a child
and bore wholes into me till I gave up

i cant sleep
not with you on my mind
not with you on my lips
not with with you in my heart
because all i want to do is be in your arms

i dont live in new york
i never have
thats just not where i reside
im a tenant paying rent
inside of myself
im a voice thats screaming  on the inside
never seen the light


i dont live in new york
i never have
thats just not where i reside
ive got two windows
but you probably will see them as my eyes
they cant be opened cant be used
cant feel the wind on my face

i dont live in new york
i never have
thats just not where i reside
i might just think to much
im a dreamer
whos just pulling
at the seems trying to learn why

if you close your
E Y E S
will it make the pain go
A W A Y
if i dont think about
I T
did it ever happen to
M E

Broken.
Shattered, like glass
Shards spreading to far
Out of my reach
Out of his
Lost.
Missing, but no amber alert
Cant call on someone
Who's standing in front of you
But still i'm gone
Without cause
Hurt.
Pain, coursing through like a bullet wound
I don't mean to be cruel
Or cold
But my pieces are gone
Found.
Sitting on the edge
Ready for the fall
Memorizing the rocks at the bottom
Watching the waves crash wondering
If its deep enough to drown
Wondering what they would say
Attention.
Thats what they will say i want
Except i don't
They will say i'm crying for help
Except i'm hopeless
They will say i'm faking
Except i want out
They will say i'm a coward
Because they don't see all the missing pieces

memories dancing in my mind
like a painful Waltz
dancing in a circle
reminding me of why
i finally left you

I wish I could
I wish it was easier
But letting go
Of all the pieces you broke
All the pieces I loved so much
All the dreams I wanted
If only I could
Forget you
And take back my light

i found a love
i never expected to feel
wish that i wasnt too scared to leap
into you arms
i always knew you were the person
that was gonna need
and when we were kids
wish i knew back then
when you would hold my hand
wish i could have seen it then
what we would end up being
you a piece of me
and your right there when i close my eyes

if you were to read me
like i was some book
i wonder what it would say
would i be a tragedy
or maybe an inspirational story
what would you write in the margins
which quotes would u highlight
is it even worth reading
i wonder what pages would make you cry
i wonder what would happen
if you where to read me

when i was younger
i had a
D R E A M
i thought that one day
i would have the strength to
D O
something to stop him
but as i grew that dream seemed to
D I E

i hate you so much
but i love you with all my heart
i never want to see you again
but i cant wait to this weekend
i don't want you near me
but i love when you pull me close
i keep my walls up high
but you walk right by them
i don't want to let you in
but i can't stand to let you go

When people are in love
They often say
That they have simply fallen
Perhaps they tripped over there own feet
Falling into there beloveds arms
I however did more
I didn't simply fall into your love
For me you are an ocean
One that is deep and vast
I dived in
Head first
And stayed in your waters
Letting myself drown
Into the waters of your love

I lose
pounds,
patience,
time,
energy,
love,
hope,
dreams,
all because you think that's the best way
to love me

i love those days
when we cuddle for what seems like hours
when we pull each other close
i love those days
when we are comfortably silent
somehow the space between us never feels awkward
i love those moments
when you grab my hand holding it in yours
like you can sense the anxiety growing in my stomach
i love those moments
when you open up
i wish i could read your mind if only to help you

once upon a time
i smiled for hours
i danced for days
i waited for weeks
and laughed for months
but most importantly
i loved you for years
even after you betrayed my heart

three words
three simple words
yet i struggle for days
and still cant let the words
slip through my lips
i still couldn't tell you
no matter how hard
i tried
but i want
you to know
though i can't say it
i love you

i hate you
i tried to be nice
tried to beat around the bush
so please stop
i cant stand to see you type
i love you
when i know you don't
and that i cant

i wish you where closer
especially when the nights are dark
when i cant drown out my own screams
when the smell of cigarette smoke choking me
i want to hold you
until i finally feel grounded
until i can smile once again faking happiness
till i can replace my mask
one everyone cant see-through except you
i want you to comfort me with your words
like i love you

L O V E
like a song we hear all to often
like a word that takes so little to say
but means so much
L O V E
each letter dripping with care
dripping with safety
each sylobole drawing it out making it sound like a promise
L O V E
but for me it is a promise
one that i will keep the best i can
because when i speak the words
I   L O V E   Y O U
what im really saying is that i will always be there for you

if i were to wonder
even for a second
even for a moment
if im at my weakest
at my mind struggles to see the notion
of you
and of me
and this love we have made together
please just hold me
tighter than you've ever
closer than you have ever
and whisper in your deep kind tone
"i love you"

Even if we both break down
And I say I
H A T E   Y O U
and you say you
H A T E  M E
So you go to bed crazy
Even if me both break down
And you wish I you were
R I G H T
And I wish that I was
R I G H T
I know that you still
L O V E  M E
And you know I
L O V E   Y O U

It was supposed to be a promise
just like every other one of your words
all the lies you spewed at me
every song you whispered into my ear
every dream I let you control
now lost in shatters
like ice breaking into a flowing river
like the tears that won't stop
constantly blurring my vision
like I've even let u steal that
and maybe I have
because I let you steal everything
with words like
i love you

I love you
In every way I can
Every piece of your personality
Makes me smile
Even if I don't yet understand it
I smile even more when you teach me
Like how to fix lights
Or what a part of a car is
I love how smart you are
But nothing could match your kindness
And so I just need you to remember
I love you

When I say I love you
What I'm trying to tell you
Is that no matter what
This world throws at us
It won't shake me lose

When I say I love you
What I'm trying to say is
I will fight the biggest battle
The strongest monsters
Just to hold your hand

When I say I love you
What I want you to know is
I am here through this timeline
And through the next
So I wanted to let you know
I love you

I know
I can be hard to love
And I see
How much you love me
And sometimes
I wish I understood why
And I get
You say I'm all you need
And I think
I should just believe in you
But my heart
Always fears the worst
So please don't think I'm cold
Please don't think
I mean to be distant
Because inside
I love you

I love you more
then the bad days ahead
I love you more
then the hardships to come
I love you more
than any year that will pass us by
I love you more
then any circumstance
I want to make sure your heart understands
because your heart means the world to me
if you ever doubt it just look in my eyes
because there you will see I love you more
I'm not saying its a competition
I just want you to know
I love you more

im a mess
im a wreck
im a broken toy

ive been discarded
been ******* up
been abused

but I'm still kind
I'm still happy
I'm still strong

my skies all turn grey now
my eyes become rain clouds
and im happy
im so happy
its been months
its been six months
since we came together
and i wish you'd call
because its been three days
and i find myself missing you
more then air to my lungs
each time i hold it too long

im obsessed with the way your head is resting on my lap
the fact that you truly love the things i hate about myself
and no one sees my insecurity like you
but every single one you tell me isn't true

I'm obsessed with the way you stop me from over thinking all the little things
the fact that you don't think I'm worthless when I'm a wreck
and no one sees the way i over stress myself like you
but every little weight you take off my shoulders makes me feel over blessed

I'm obsessed with the way you understand me even when i don't know the right words to say
the fact that you cant sit still for even an hour makes my head spin
and no one keeps me on my toes the way you do
but every little glances is an electric shock of love like I'm a little kid again

I'm obsessed with the way you feel like home when I'm in your arms
the fact that you are so worth the wait of every single heartbreak
and no one sees the way your smile brings me up on my worst days
but every single one pulls me from the tears that sting my eyes

I'm obsessed with the way us is enough for the rest of my life
the fact that you know how comforting every little piece of you is
and no one sees the way i hold that ring when i need to stay strong
but every time i worry about you not wanting me to have some of your things you tell me its cute that I want you so close

I felt so important
felt so necessary
but then I stopped running
then I stopped dreaming
and you told me I was worthless
because I was too gone to try

I'm proud to call you mine
Infact I do
Every chance I get
I'm proud to say I have learned your mind
I have begun to understand you
like no one else can
I'm proud to show you off
And I d o to each of my friends
I'm proud to say I'm inlove with you
Because I know I can rely on you
When my emotions get the best of me
And so I will always be
Proud to call you mine

i clench my fist
holding my jaw tight
his hands travel lower
"is this alright"
i want to say no
but i can't move my lips
i turn my head
not wanting to meet his eyes
i let his hands travel
just a bit farther
he says i can say no
and inside i want to
but i let him pull me down
my back on the
satin sheets
they wrap around us
engulfing our body's
tears well in my eyes
as i push him off me
my heart sinks
i look at him and shake my head
the only words that i could say where
im sorry i cant

I no longer pray
A whisper in the night
A conversation alone with the moon
A lunar mother I come begging for advice
Like maybe she can give me answers
Like somehow asking her would answer
Why we dance in this eternal ball
Why we must hurt if we have a savior

I no longer pray
A shout so much frustration
It sizzles off my tongue
I can't help but feel hate
For some one who watches
And prays on our weak
With promises of salvation
That turn into money hunger

I no longer pray
I'm tired on waiting for change
Following books and rules
When they can't even keep me safe
When they can't even bring solice to my pain
Why would I pray when nobody ever answers

its funny you ask me to thaw my heart
but your the one who makes every argument physical
its not my fault we have no connection
not my fault the only place we get along is in public
when we are draped in elegant clothes
and broken memories
that keep us smiling in the crowds

I see you,
When you cry
Or when you feel lost
Each time you get turned around
Each time you can't see
The light at the end
Of this dark tunnel

I see you,
When your smiling
When I remind you
your not gonna lose me
When you finally listen
And find your light

Just know I'm here
I always will be
And I see you