We are flowers with petals so beautiful
Each dyed with our past
Blood, abuse, fear, addiction
Each a different color each a different petal
Every trauma adding more beauty
For flowers teach themselves to bloom
Even after the harshest winters
And so have we

i guess i was brought up
in quite a different time
or maybe its the feeling
of abandonment
i have always felt inside
my parents left me
in the hospital
while i cried
the doctors
used foster care
in hopes
i would have
a better life
and so family
to family
i was pasted along
from one broken home
to the next
some were kind
but most were not
they beat us
black and blue
till our eyes swelled shut
and our lips were fat
i prayed to a god
that i found no refuge in
but one day i will escape
the pains of
foster care

i wonder if you knew how old i was
i wonder if i told you now if you would even
C A R E
just because i was too small to decide on my own
you a third person let my mother decided this
F O R
me. a child a small girl with zero understanding
of what you were doing to me
i wonder if you know that i lost my virginity to you
a man i don't even know the name of
and in losing that i lost the little bit of
C H I L D H O O D
that i had left
because little do you know four years
was as long as i had
L I V E D

Fun, go have fun
Fun, you say
as if you don't understand
the second you turn your back
this man you invited into your home
is going to **** away my inisints
Fun, as if allowing him to pay you in drugs
is enough, but i know he will be back
but i guess if this is your idea of fun
then i suppose it is
because i am to listen to my mother
aren't i?

isn't it funny
when the world falls around
Y O U
isn't it funny
when the things crash around
Y O U
isn't it funny
when your life ends
S L O W L Y
isn't it funny
when the world ends slowly
and the people around you
D I S A P P E A R

from a kid not understanding love
from a little sixth grader who listened to rumors
to a young lady
who could feel the magic in your touch
and to realize the truth
that in you i will always see my
F U T U R E

i met you first in a class about angles
yo stole my breath
when yo smiled just like a
F O X
but like a fox you were cunning and cruel
i trusted your words
i yearned for your heart
but you left me there all alone in
G E O M E T R Y

hold my hand
because i need you
N O W
but you leave me behind
left in your rearview
M I R R O R
and now all i have
is the remnants of your
G H O S T

he said to me you are beautiful
he said i was proud to call you my
G I R L
he said i love you for who you are
no makeup needed for you
G I R L
he said in that black dress
you occupy my head
and i love you
G I R L

i expected you not to give up on me
i wish it was easy to forget you
smile as best as i can
pretend that im okay
i wish you hadn't given up on me
thought you would apologize
thought you would come back
because you were a father
but i wasn't the child you wanted

you say that you wont give up on me
but for you that be so **** easy
and you say that were okay
so i put on my best face
even when you say im not perfect
even if i dont need to be
why cant i swallow my pride
when you look me in my eye
and tell me that you do not think
that she is so pretty
but she is the reason that
im giving up on me

I've decided you and i
we were like stained glass
we shattered
we broke
and when I tried to fix us I suffered the cut
never putting us back together properly
and so when I finally gave up
and you finally started trying
I knew we were to far gone to ever fix

God save the prom queen
She might be 18
But shes more broken
Then the window pane
That she stares out
When she cant escape
On the days when the bruises are to dark
When the rain is too strong
When the scent of liquor
Spilled on her in a fit of rage
When the broken bottles cover the ground
with to many shards to step around
When daddy finally comes home
Save her from herself

everytime we both break down and cry
and you say you hate me
and you go to bed angry
i pray that it will be alright
cause i know you think im lazy
but its because my mind is so busy
and i wish you could understand my life
cause im still fighting the demons you created
but i know i cant explain to you
because even though your my father
you chose not to understand
everything i've been through
so everytime we both break down and cry
can you try not to go to bed angry
because sometimes i wish you could just listen

you overfill my senses
your touch like a feather
brushing on my skin
you smell like bitter rain
and sweet cologne
you look like kindness
and love
your eyes hold stars
when i look at you
i realize your my
G O L D E N       B O Y

G O O D B Y E
for now my good old friends
S E E   Y O U
soon when summer ends
and the school year begins
and i bring more tears so
G O O D B Y E
my friends
dont miss me too
M U C H

i wish i could erase myself from the narrative
wish i could let history wonder
how i reacted when everything i wished for fell apart
i wish i was stronger
i wish i was better
wish i knew who not to give my heart
i put myself out on a limb
when i was ready to give in
and i can still hear the devil whisper
"i know the best way to break your heart"
and i wish the lords voice was a little bit louder
because maybe then i wouldn't feel so torn apart
when you say good bye

you took my heart
H E A R T
into your hand
you swept up the
A S H E S
into your  palm
placing the
P I E C E S
back in there spots
and for that i'm always
G R A T E F U L

I'm not haunted by death
But rather this graveyard of memories
You left behind
When you left me on the corner
Of broken dreams
And smiling with glee

here i sit
close to the ground
and like a tree i will
G R O W

sit on the floor
in an empty
R O O M
tune out the voices
try not to
H A L L U C I N A T E
because if you do
let them drag you
U N D E R
you will wake up in a world
with absolutely no
S P L E N D O R

You are a hand grenade
In the shape of a boy
Your kindness like an explosion
Turning our love explosive
You came into my life like a burst of fresh air
And somehow you pulled me in
Even as I worried the flames would burn me
Except your flames aren’t painful
Your flames are the most loving thing
I’ve ever felt
And as they swallow me burning around me
I fell so hard that I could finally see
why I loved you so much
It was because you where a hand grenade
In the shape of a boy

one day when we grow old
i hope i will still have your hand to hold
and as the years pass us
i hope it never comes to pass
that i lose your hand i love to hold

i see that you look happier its true
i hope one day i get there too
all this time i was watching you
and i hope i find love like you
and you look happier its true

i am the girl
that everyone
K N O W S
i am hiding behind a
M A S K
you will see me as the
H A P P Y    G I R L
you cant see inside my
M I N D
in fact no one can
no one sees my many
L A Y E R S
i wish for help
but no one hears
because you laughed it off
after all im just the
H A P P Y    G I R L

i know the thing i've been through are
H A R D   T O   H E A R
trust me i can tell when the words slowly
P A S S   M Y   L I P S
as my throat swells until it feels like i
C A N ' T    B R E A T H
the words slur in my brain as i try to form
S E N T A N C E S
as i try to explain myself t a person who
D O E S N ' T   C A R E
so yes i know that this is
H A R D   T O   H E A R

tears stinging my eyes
your voice a shrill memory
playing over and over
like a skipping vinyl
they way you seethed
the spittle flying through your lips
"don't scream at me"
coming out at only a whisper
as I'm drowned out
by your breaking vocals
"your not here"
is all I can scream into the darkness
but it never heard never true
because when I leave this room
I will still be haunted by your memory

he's a bullet that's about to fire
he's the steady that's been keeping me sain
because he sees beauty that I cant see
and he knows me even when I don't know myself
he sees me for me not who I pretend to be

he's the pines in autumn growing steady never falling
he has the drive to pull himself through fire
because he sees beauty in everything
and he knows what the people around him need even when they can't tell
he sees my smile even when I think he cant

when he's passionate it wrapped around my soul
he's the kind you never let go riding with him till heaven calls
because he sees beauty in all of me
and he knows what I need even when everything feels broken
he sees my tears and picks me up

im not stable
baby im 18
i keep checking on you
but dont forget you are supposed to check on me
when every other word out of your mouth
is how stressed you are
but im the one who has nothing
im the one who just lost everything
and with my wounds still open
i had to deal with ones you didnt bother closing
now mine are infected
and i forgot how to heal

It is the most wonderful feeling
To have someone kiss your wounds
Nurture your scars
And look at you not like your a disaster
Not like your the sum
Of all your mistakes
Of all your pain
And to love you even in your darkness
It is an amazing feeling
To know that you have a healer

i think its the mystery
that pulls me into you
the mystery of the way our love
burns so brightly
that it blinds my eyes
and over fills my senses
and the only thing i have to hold onto
is your sweatshirt
and the drumming sound of your
H E A R T B E A T

i can feel my veins
just under the skin
but at least when i feel
my heartbeat it reminds me
that i am still very
A L I V E

Says the girl
With a bright red lipped
S M I L E
She always looks happy
She always looks
P E R F E C T
Just waiting on the day
Somebody asks her how life is at
H O M E
Because if you asked her that
She’d say well she would say
That home is just like walking on a pool of
E G G S H E L L S
If you brake to many you'll fall
She’d say you don't know what lifes like when that curtains
C L O S E D
“Daddy always tells me
He's trying to act
T O U G H”
But she’d say he
Treats her more like he wants to
C U T   H E R  O F F
And if you asked about her momma
She’d cry from the
S T A R T
She was cursed by her parents
Never felt real
L O V E
And so
H E L L O
Says the girl
With the red lipped
S M I L E

help
four simple letters
help
yet i wait so long
help
for those words
help
to grace my lips
help
four letters close
help
written together
help
please now that i can say it will someone
help

sometimes i stand tall like i cant be
B R O K E N
sometimes i slouch with the wait of the world on my
S H O U L D E R S
but when i was with you i felt like you were my
H E R O

the sun can shine
you can look happy
and the wind can still freeze
and you can still be crying
even when you seem perfectly fine
even when it seems you are as happy as you can be
you can still feel useless
drifting through the wind
just like a piece of garbage
you can still feel like your already six feet under
like no one wants you
like your already dead
even if you hide it perfectly

when i look back
on everyday
i try to find my
H I G H L I G H T E R S
i hope that one day
i will only have
H I G H L I G H T E R S

He is an ocean
Even though some people see him
as a puddle
But they don't pay attention
Because underneath the top layer
That he's built for protection
He is deep
He is vast
With many undiscovered cracks
Unnoticed cracks
That lead in deeper
But it is only through love
Only through kindness
That he even opens up
And little by little
he will show you all his beauty

I find myself pacing
Running through the memories
Racing around my head
Choking on tears
Remembering the warmth of your hand
The way mine fit perfectly
The way you held tighter when i was anxious
The warmth of being in your arms
Every inch of my being
Curled into you
But then the flashes come
The screaming
The pain caused by those calloused hands
The anger
My lip split, bleeding
The soreness of the bruises
The tears rolling down my cheeks
Those flashes bring me back to reality

the old maple trees
lose there leaves in the breeze
and as summer is gone
and fall has begun
i found someone who cares for me
hes strong as the maples
hes kind as the breeze
just like summer
hes kept me warm
and as fall began he wrote me into his songs
i only hope he understands that like his songs
i've wrote him into my poems

"hold me"
you said
"hold me, i cant stand on my own"
you said
"hold me, cause i'm not strong enough"
you said
"hold me, cause i know you can save me"
and yet you said
"i cant hold you up, because your to broken"
when i needed you most

for me home has always
been a dream
something i visit when nights are cold
when the throb in my skull
wont leave me be
i visit this home idea
maybe its a cabin
cool with the breeze of a summers night
the crackle of fire
brightening the distance
like a beacon calling me to a place called
home