his eyes shined in the soft sunlight
i found peace in his violence
cant figure out why hes trying
i asked hi his name
and he smiled at me like a fox
and said "i am a boy called love"

i found a boy
told me i was his world
held the door
held my hand through the dark
and hes a kind boy
hes from my past
and we fell in love
his eyes tell me it will last
and though love is a fight he has met me half way
and i know each time
his lips touch mine
hes the kind of man that is almost impossible to find

I wonder if he's happy
Now that he's gone on his
A D V E N T U R E
I wonder if he thinks about
Me and him
T H R O U G H
The freezing cold nights
I wonder if he ever looks back
On the beautiful
T I M E
When he called me "mine"

I never ment to find you
Infact it scares me that I have
Your kindness
Your pure heart
The way you look at me
Like I'm all you will ever need
The way you smile like
I'm the only girl in your world
You are safety
Something I struggled to find
And in your arms I've found
A home

all i need
is somebody who will stay
my heart holds this
L O V E
but it never lasts
is a good guy
to much for me to ask
is there something i should
C H A N G E
am i expecting to much
dear god why cant i ever find
L O V E

i saw you just last night
but it feels like i haven't my whole life
but i know its just in my head
i had been trying to hold onto love with people
who never thought of me as enough
but then i see the way you look at me
and you set the bar above the moon
so i don't want to be any older
and still in my bed thinking about those Sunday mornings
the way you listened to me
the church that felt like home for me
wondering what we could have been
i don't want these memories to be past tense
because your everything I've ever wanted

our love is just friendship lit on fire
when i see you
i fulfill my every desire
you build me up before i fall apart
your the first person
I've not been afraid to give my heart
you deserve the love
that i give to you
even if you don't agree
i know i argue
that's just my nature
your my only love
and the only one i will ever want

all the kids are depressed
nothing's ever ok
staying up till daylight
hoping **** is ok
but nothing ever is
when your life's a mess
and your head a curse
with nowhere to run
from the things
that are to come
and nothing ever makes sense
and i cant ever escape this
every story leaves you broken
picking up the pieces
from the cold floor
so all the kids are depressed

how can you miss someone
when your with them
cause i need you know
but you cant feel it
and hope you see me soon
because im in my head
how can i miss someone
that im always with

maybe one day
i will find a man
who can for me
be another
Y O U

It’s okay to not be perfect
I hear it almost daily
It’s okay to breath
But I carry this anxiety around with me
Like a backpack
It’s stuck to me it’s become a comfort
Like a friend I can always relay on to be there
And because of that
somehow it’s grown comforting
Because I can always count on my anxiety
To be there for me

he is a rose
his skin is soft and bright
like the petals of a rose
his voice as as deep as a shade of crimson
like the red that surrounds the flower
his personality sharp but kind precise
like the thorns that decorate the stem
and every piece of him is beautiful and majestic
just like a rose
a kind
beautiful  
flower
that
holds
a past of    
much love        
as i
feel
for
him

in the pit
the old tree burns
your and in mine
an old song on our lips
i loved that old
A S H    W O O D   T R E E

if you had the courage to
A S K   M E
the questions that are swelling in your
T H R O A T
maybe you could understand
the past i've worked so hard to
L O S E
and each time you try to refrain from
A S K I N G
i feel like the lumps in my
T H R O A T
feel like there growing until i begin to
L O S E
so please dont pity me but dont think you cant
A S K  M E

when the stars all die
and you leave us in the cold
are we expected to climb
like were in some kind of hole
when the light all fades
and we waste away
what words would you then
begin to say

once in awhile
my days drag on
i feel like they
D R A G
me along
people say its a bad day
but what about the bad
W E E K S
and even the months
there are times were the days
turn into uninterrupted periods of simple
B A D   D A Y S

you're my bad habit
when im sad
when im tired
when i cant stop my mind from wondering
it goes back to you
our smiles
our hugs
your misty blue eyes
the way you held me
I wish I could stop
going back to my bad habits

I live in barbed wire
caged like an animal
restricted by my fears
that rise above me like fences
blocking off the world
from my insecurity
the tears I cry soak the wires
I hope one day they rust so bad
that I'm forced to be exposed

I live behind a barbed-wire fence
I watch the world move around me
I watch the way everyone moves on
But I stay here in my barbed wire fence
Like the caged animal
Caught by my fear to move forward
Caught in my fear
The feeling I will never be enough
Keeping me its capture
Even as the years pass us

sometimes i catch myself
D A N C I N G
while i hum a unone
S O N G
it seems to me that i am dancing to an
I N V I S I B L E
rythme has a quick
B E A T

i wish i could give you my pain
not to hurt you
i would never wish that
but so that you could understand
I'm not broken
or shattered
i am beautifully rebuilt

heart like fire
mind like stone
eyes like diamonds
our awful lives
have been disguised
by the beauty on the outside

before i met you i never felt good
E N O U G H
before i let you in i was ready to
G I V E   U P
my tears welled up in my
E Y E S
i felt like i had no more
T I M E
and then i let you in
to a world i never
S H O W
and you helped guide me through
every doubt i have
so when i say those words
i really mean them because
I
L O V E
Y O U

it was never the right time
when i'd hit you up
i kept telling myself i love you
but i was just kidding myself
all of our moments dragging along
cause i still cant tell you
the words that i needed to say
and you hurt me under the surface
and our troubled waters growing cold
i will heal but you wont
so before i go
i want you to know
that this isnt your fault
and im sorry that there's nothing i can say
to stop your hurting
please dont let your mind make you feel so worthless
before i go

i feel like
you've used me
because i've been
used before
i act dumb
because my heart
is numb
but one day
i will use
you right back
because i wont
let you win this
outrageous fight

i deserve
B E T T E R
than what
Y O U
treat me im a queen
but your no
K I N G

i want to wake up early
i want to run
i want to lose the  weight
that ive always wanted to
but then i lose the inspiration
so instead i starve
crying into binges
choking on purges
crashing between pain
and smiles
behind someone who cant stop eating
but wont let it stay there

your life begins
when you take flight on tattered wings
that cant get you very high
that cant fly you very far
but you just kept on pushing
kept on fighting
kept on soaring in the sky

and look at you know
your wings completely healed
a perfect bird that toured the world
because you never quit
and you fought through the hurt
and now your so perfect
and know your so happy

all my friends and family
they soar in the sky
open in the blue open free sky
calling to me
begging me to join them
but I cant
the  waves lap against my wings
where I'm barely floating
saturating my feathers
keeping me from going to join them

today i turn
S W E E T   1 6
a special day for most
but never for
M E

who's
B L O O D
is this?
staining my hand
who's
B L O O D
is this?
when i come to
who
C U T
my arms?
this wasn't my doing
was it?
I   H O P E   N O T

books are my escape
they paint roses with words
they capture stories in full color
they tell you of loves no one can see
they remind me the world isn't always so bad
but they also show you that when it is bad its always the worst

they sit in the corner
some are filled
some are
E M P T Y
but each is significant
having some painful
or promising contents
what do you keep in
Y O U R
bottles you don't have to say
maybe one day
me and you can empty our
B O T T L E S

i wish i could put my emotions in a box
wish I could hide them
from you
from her
from everyone who's seen me break
but instead, i shatter
trying to hold back tears
wiping my eyes
while you rush to hold me
while you rush to hug me
drying my tears from my cheeks
in a way that make me feel i am enough
even without putting my emotions in a box

ive been working on my karma
trying to out run you
everyday is so much work
to be a better person than you raised

cause ive been working on breaking cycles
trying to escape your circles
i refuse to give light to the trauma you caused
i wont pass it to my next generation

breath
a simple task
but something that broke me
when you told me he was dead
and instead of comforting me
you decided to say
breath

in and out
the suns setting
Q U I C K L Y
in and out
i worry that hes
B A C K
in and out
like a replaying
M O V I E
in and out
i wish i could forget
H I M
in and out
i remind myself while having a
P A N I C    A T T A C K
in and out
because i know that i have to catch my
B R E A T H E

as i breath in the smoky air
falling around me
as you walk into my life
i thought i had missed you
but i've already moved on
if only to allow myself
to walk back out of your life
because with you i quit
B R E A T H I N G

when i first met you
the world had beat me so far down
i was all the way at the bottom
id given up on climbing back out
then you saw me and excepted everything
even my past
now everything's brighter
i thank you for that