you see her
at least the shell
she allows
she builds it up
there are no cracks
there are no fractures
the perfect human
she's never rude
she's never frowning
and only when she is alone
can she breath
a breath of relief
and let down her shell

sometimes when the nights are dark
and the stars are hiding
i think about you
wishing i could understand
why you left me
standing frozen in the icy air
waiting in the january snow

i am strong
i can not be broken
i can be hit
by your cruel words
and i can stand
i can take anything
i can fight through anything

the things that you
S T O L E
i will never forgive you for
the person i was seems
L O S T
in some kind of transit
i can't help feeling the
P A I N
that you inflicted on me
and yet somehow i still
B L A M E
myself

all i want is nothing more
then to hold your hand forever more
cause your the one i love the most
and if you love me
will you leave me
i hope you want me
i pray you want me
and all my dreams are
and all my wishes
go to you
because i think that i need you

I look in your eyes
and suddenly I'm swept into a world
where we never collide
and I start to feel like I'm missing out on my whole life
cause I ran and I danced and I felt alright
but I promise that after the end
I will stand taller
because even though its making me sick
we can heal

I feel like I'm always choking
on tears,
on lies,
on words, I can't say
like its all stuck in my throat
pulling me down,
weighing me down,
breaking me down
until I'm nothing
but the gurgling sound
of my seasonal depression

And my tommy                 so deserves love,
It makes me happy              to see it glowing all
Around him, glowing      inside him, filling him
Up with a beautiful light. Such brilliant
Light must come from heaven
If such place exists. He
Does believe it
so do
i

But
He is real
A complete gentle
-man a true lover that
Could have only dropped
From the sky when it was blue
And each time i see him my smile
Is ethereal. It makes    me shiver as all up
And down my arms,        a colony of goose
Bumps lifts. And                 suddenly a jab
Of pure happines
Deep in my gut

i dont give you power
in fact i am stealing it from you in this moment
taking back what is rightfully mine
taking back my body
my tears
taking myself out of the slaughter house
because you dont deserve that satisfaction
i wont give you those pieces of me
because ive learned
how to stand on my own
and i will never let your hand push me back down

roses are red, violets are blue
i hate myself for being in love with you
I cant make you smile
you will not stay for awhile
so why do I force myself into your arms
why do I accept when thoughts of you swarms
so roses are red, violets are blue
I hope that one day I can get over you

does it make you smile
when i crumple at the edges
when i break down
and cry
only to crawl back
to your cruel words
because your my only
C O M F O R T ?

i wish i could erase myself from the narrative
wish i could let history wonder
how i reacted when everything i wished for fell apart
i wish i was stronger
i wish i was better
wish i knew who not to give my heart
i put myself out on a limb
when i was ready to give in
and i can still hear the devil whisper
"i know the best way to break your heart"
and i wish the lords voice was a little bit louder
because maybe then i wouldn't feel so torn apart
when you say good bye

sunlight brushes your skin
lighting it
darkening it
those piercing blue eyes
pulling me in
and with me he loses his disguise
and with him i can be myself
i can dance on water
i can fall into my dreams
and im so happy he let me fall in love
i only hope for me to never hurt him
because to me he is precious

When people are in love
They often say
That they have simply fallen
Perhaps they tripped over there own feet
Falling into there beloveds arms
I however did more
I didn't simply fall into your love
For me you are an ocean
One that is deep and vast
I dived in
Head first
And stayed in your waters
Letting myself drown
Into the waters of your love

im a mess
im a wreck
im a broken toy

ive been discarded
been ******* up
been abused

but I'm still kind
I'm still happy
I'm still strong

i want to wake up early
i want to run
i want to lose the  weight
that ive always wanted to
but then i lose the inspiration
so instead i starve
crying into binges
choking on purges
crashing between pain
and smiles
behind someone who cant stop eating
but wont let it stay there

if i said you broke my heart
would you say sorry
if i told you i was missing
would you care
cause when the nights are dark
and im alone with out you
and in all honesty
you where made for me and no her
i wonder if you will wake up
because you dont even see
what you lost and when the nights are cold
and your this bold
i think youve seen my nightmares

i think i lost myself
by chasing you
a person who never cared
about losing me

I know
I can be hard to love
And I see
How much you love me
And sometimes
I wish I understood why
And I get
You say I'm all you need
And I think
I should just believe in you
But my heart
Always fears the worst
So please don't think I'm cold
Please don't think
I mean to be distant
Because inside
I love you

my body is a temple
not for you
or any of your friends
not to be objectified
or stared at
not to be passed around
or seen by anyone
that i don't chose
i am strong
and my body will always be mine

i wasnt your first choice
hell i probably wasnt even your last
i never will be
even though your the one
who chose to have me
even if im not the boy you wanted
or the smart you thought i could be
you gave birth to me
i will always be your baby

your eyes hold stars
i swear to it
because when i see you
i am astonished by the beauty
you shine like the brightest diamonds
and you are as mysterious as them to
the love you give me
is undying unbroken
and sweet
because i love the feeling i get
when you,
my star holds me

he's a bullet that's about to fire
he's the steady that's been keeping me sain
because he sees beauty that I cant see
and he knows me even when I don't know myself
he sees me for me not who I pretend to be

he's the pines in autumn growing steady never falling
he has the drive to pull himself through fire
because he sees beauty in everything
and he knows what the people around him need even when they can't tell
he sees my smile even when I think he cant

when he's passionate it wrapped around my soul
he's the kind you never let go riding with him till heaven calls
because he sees beauty in all of me
and he knows what I need even when everything feels broken
he sees my tears and picks me up

well maybe i i smiled more
i would be pretty
well maybe if i cared less
i wouldnt get so hurt
well maybe if i did more
i could one day be enough
well maybe if i was louder
i could drown out these thoughts
well maybe if i screamed
i wouldnt have been hurt
well maybe if i was better
he would love me
well
well
well ......
but when do they stop
when do my hundreds of wells turn into
A C C E P T A N C E

I love you
In every way I can
Every piece of your personality
Makes me smile
Even if I don't yet understand it
I smile even more when you teach me
Like how to fix lights
Or what a part of a car is
I love how smart you are
But nothing could match your kindness
And so I just need you to remember
I love you

no matter how much I miss you
I won't ever show it
because every time I miss you
I remind myself how much you don't
how much you never will

like a
T I T A L
you print it on every page
making it longer as times go on
using last and even middle
yet whenever i say mine i feel so
L O S T
like its not really mine
like someone's
just filled in the line
but it never feels
like its truly mine
whenever i see my name
its like im staring at a
B L A N K
line

G O O D B Y E
for now my good old friends
S E E   Y O U
soon when summer ends
and the school year begins
and i bring more tears so
G O O D B Y E
my friends
dont miss me too
M U C H

S T E P 1
he smiles at me
a smile i've never understood
we spark a conversation
and it becomes a kind of flow
to step of the bus
and search for his smile
S T E P 2
our conversations become more personal
we relive our pasts
and each savor the moments we spend together
and each brought closer
and then you ask me to be your girlfriend
S T E P 3
you say a word
it has four small letters
but for the first time i believed them
i was surprised that it rolled off my lips
and that i meant it
S T E P 4
we go on dates
we fall in love
we laugh
we go to a parade
we watch movies
and i realize i do truly love you

help
four simple letters
help
yet i wait so long
help
for those words
help
to grace my lips
help
four letters close
help
written together
help
please now that i can say it will someone
help

i think its the mystery
that pulls me into you
the mystery of the way our love
burns so brightly
that it blinds my eyes
and over fills my senses
and the only thing i have to hold onto
is your sweatshirt
and the drumming sound of your
H E A R T B E A T

memories dancing in my mind
like a painful Waltz
dancing in a circle
reminding me of why
i finally left you

when my years catch up with me
R E M E M B E R    M E
though my days grow numbered now
R E M E M B E R    M E
when my tears dry on the ground
R E M E M B E R    M E
even if i disappear please promise you will
R E M E M B E R    M E

a box lie open
perched on my lap
with the photos of who i was
and sometimes i wish i could go back
back to those days before i was
B R O K E N

you get so excited for me
when im driving to your house
and im riding through the corn fields
crying cause i miss you now
and your probably with your sister
waiting for me to call
i pull up in your driveway
trying not to look to scared
but when you smile
i have to ask myself how i could ever love someone else?
and its not like we are perfect
but ive never felt this way for anyone
and i love to imagine every time
you make things okay even when
everything's all wrong

i admit im broken
i can point out all my flaws
but i know what i deserve
because im not just another lost cause
and i make mistakes
because im human
im not something else
and i refuse to be scared to mess up
and i dont need anyone there
to hold me up because
ive finally realized im
enough

im in my bed
with your sweatshirt on
it still smells like september,
your blue eyes and me wrapped in your arms
and your so beautiful
what am i now
somebody you love
somebody you cant
and you wont live with out
ive fallen for you

I was never enough
And I never will be
You just wanted to use me
And I let you
that was my mistake

from holding hands
and making plans
to leaning in close
and kissing your lips
from laughing loud
and standing in the sun
to me constantly
missing your touch
and then i see you after school
and crash in your arms
and i am so much happier
i promise i wont ever
L E T   Y O U   G O

sometimes i let my mind wonder
to the times when i was less fortunate
to times that were much
D A R K E R
and then i see you
i think of your voice
just a subtle reminder that you are
T H E   R E A S O N

looking at you
in this icy air
makes me constantly question
if we're a good pair

i expected you not to give up on me
i wish it was easy to forget you
smile as best as i can
pretend that im okay
i wish you hadn't given up on me
thought you would apologize
thought you would come back
because you were a father
but i wasn't the child you wanted