it hurts
       to know
that you

                        will never
                               look at me
                         the way
                                     i look at
                                         you

i want to forget it
i want to forget you
i want to forget what happened

have you ever met someone
who at first glance
your not attracted to
but when you talk
and with every word
every smile
every laugh
they become more beautiful
until you can't believe
there was a moment
they didn't think they were

i was five
but you left me behind
i was five
but you told me to take care of myself
i was five
but you wanted me to die
i was five
but you tried to hurt me
i was five
but you killed my mother
i was five

my heart beats fast
the concrete is cold
my legs feel like lead
the air is bitter
my head burns
the blood is hot
my feet are throbbing
the footsteps get closer
my shoulders are heavy
the roots stick out of the ground
my foot catches
the mud fills my mouth
my chest heaves
the footsteps stop next to me
my eyes squeeze shut
the breeze is calm
my hands push up
the sun sets slowly
my legs won't lift
the footsteps were a man
my shirt pulls around my neck
the man drags me to my feet
my feet slips from under
the man picks me up
my legs swing quick
the man grunts but he still hangs on
my head feels light
the man smiles sinisterly
my mind goes black

once again
i tried to hard
to pull you in
and now im scared

your tongue
spoke lies
your humor
was quite dry

but once again
i broke myself
on a hopeless sliver
of how you spoke

your eyes
were dark
your lips
were soft

never did i think
you would leave me
here in this dark

most people see me as
a happy person because
i laugh easily,
i smile a lot,
i joke a lot.

but deep down
in my heart,
i am fragile,
i can get hurt easily,
but i choose to not
show it to the world.

instead of being sad,
i choose to laugh to cover it.
maybe you can call me
"the queen of the mask"

by this,
you can tell
that most of the time
when I'm laughing,
I'm not really laughing,
i was trying so hard to hide
my sad

i stare at the fish in the pond so dark
i stare at the fish pond yellow and bright
i stare at the fish pond  surviving not living

physically abused
that's one thing i don't want
to remember
its not blurry
i think i just don't
want to see it
you used to put me in the corner
to watch the fear in my eyes
then you brought me downstairs
to beat me till
i screamed and i cried
wish i could forget this
but its rooted deep inside
congratulations cause you'll
always have a place
in my mind

i wish i could fly
but instead i fall

i wish i could run
but like quick sad im stuck standing still

i wish i could live
but my life was stole from me

who to blame
for this endless game

a deceased girls head
far from her body dead

an ongoing cold case
that no one can solve in the human race

unidentified soul
drifts out like dust of coal

shes never solved
just left behind and never resolved