before i met you
they where just three empty words
that i overused never understanding the meaning
but now they feel met to you
i know see me overthinking
even the tiniest of moments
even though you tell me i don't ever have too
and i know that you will always answer my call
but i can never pick up the phone
and tell you the three words
that are so brimming when i see it to you

Water rushing above me
The surface breaking and folding
Bubbles floating escaping my lips
Vibrating out of my nose
Floating above my hair
Burning in my chest that seems to keep growing
Reaching toward the light
Just out of reach
As hundreds of hands rush down
Pushing me further
Taking me deeper
Until my lungs stop
Until i feel the buzz of oxygen
Until i remember how to fill my balloons
Until i remember how to float
Until these fake bladders
fill with amber liquid
Until my breath comes back stronger
And the images of me drowning fade
into the back of my skull
Like distant memories
And i realize that i'm not in water
But a hospital bed
Drowning in fluids i produced
Realizing that my body’s slowly killing me

You are a hand grenade
In the shape of a boy
Your kindness like an explosion
Turning our love explosive
You came into my life like a burst of fresh air
And somehow you pulled me in
Even as I worried the flames would burn me
Except your flames aren’t painful
Your flames are the most loving thing
I’ve ever felt
And as they swallow me burning around me
I fell so hard that I could finally see
why I loved you so much
It was because you where a hand grenade
In the shape of a boy

When people are in love
It’s said there falling
Like maybe they tripped
On the uneven sidewalk
Face forward
And Into the arms of the one they love

I did more
then simply fall on the ground for you

You at least for me
Where like diving into and ocean
Headfirst
Jumping
Crashing
Almost painfully
Into the depths of you

I knew how to swim
At least I thought I did
But I am drowning
Entangled in you
And I am surrounded by you
And I love the feeling of you engulfing me

And I love the feeling of you
Flowing against my whole being
And I have never tried to reach land
And I never will
For if I where ever to find land
It would mean leaving you

And after submerging into the depths
The love
The passion
The happiness of you
How could I ever leave?

i wait on the bay
watching as he makes introductions
but hes forever skipping me
forever walking by
i have to fight my urge to meet you
walk up and shake hands with the deputy
but my hands are far to ******
from crimes against myself
knowing i shouldnt each time i commit another
but still my hands are covered
in a color so crimson
that it almost hurts but i still keep committing
and im sorry that i keep disappearing mr deputy

i am broken
i am shattered into a thousand pieces
i am nothing but shards
and yet i lay every **** piece
down at your feet
they've always been yours
and they will always be
take the ones you want leave what you don't
rebuild me into what you need
and i will make you smile
every single day

sometimes i have all the inspiration in the world
i write poem
i write stories
i write the inner folds of myself
and sometimes i have absolutely none
i cant walk
i cant talk
i cant even get out of my bed
and thats just my depression i guess

before you no one was worth setteling down
in my soul however i always wanted
someone who could capture my heart
and you are quite captivating
somehow you have captivated me
you have stolen my heart
i am completely wrapped around your fingers
i love you
and your captivating voice
and your captivating smile
and your captivating words
and your captivating soul
and i think to myself
perhaps we've captivated eachother

I live on an ocean
Flowing with the waves
Watching as they crash on the coast
Watching as you run to meet them
Connecting your world with mine
You grass
Your green
Your smiles
Your dreams
Your sandy beaches
Running to meet
my water
My blue
My fear
My destruction
My coral reefs
I watch gliding toward you slowly
Until there is no space between us
Not even molecules of air
Until ocean and earth are one
Like we always should be

i break the ice
so they dont see how i break inside
i have to be kind
or they'll make fun of my size
i get told I'm to loud
and i have to keep busy
I'm sorry if i don't respond please don't forget me

i let them keep me around
so there flaws just seem silly
i say I'm okay
or they wont listen to what i need to say
i get told I'm not pretty
and i refuse to be to proud
I'm sorry if i think i sing well when you cant

What doesn’t **** you makes you stronger
I’ve heard that said far to many times
But growing up in a house on fire
That doesn’t make you stronger
That leaves you with
third degree emotional burns
That manifest into unbridled chaos
I mean I can’t even light the stove top
I mean I can’t even taste cheep beer
Or smell cheep wine
Without the feeling of your fist
Colliding with my cheek bone
Without the feeling of purple bruises
Burning across my cheeks
You where the reason the house was lit on fire
Don’t try to tell me I’m stronger

every day that the dawn rises
i find myself celebrating
as another day passes
because at least i made it
this far
making me this much closer
to the end of my time

im sorry i love you slowly sometimes
and others i jump in head first
i don't know what its like to love
without being in survival mode
but i want you to know that on the early march day
you where my reason to stay
and you still are even today

I'm proud to call you mine
Infact I do
Every chance I get
I'm proud to say I have learned your mind
I have begun to understand you
like no one else can
I'm proud to show you off
And I d o to each of my friends
I'm proud to say I'm inlove with you
Because I know I can rely on you
When my emotions get the best of me
And so I will always be
Proud to call you mine

roses are red
violets are blue
i wish I could get out of my head
because with you there sometimes I wish I was dead

why am I broken
when did I get flaws
why do you treat me
like I don't deserve a shred of worth
promise I'm not a fake ******* up lost cause
I know I'm human
but you treat me like something else
and I know I'm human
so why do you treat me like I'm something else
I've always been there for you
even when think don't think it is true
I helped out
I watched them cry
I dried their tears
but now I know there's no one here that even cares

i hate to get personal
but my mind is a bowl
catching drips
from her problems,
from his problems,
i can solve there's quickly
but refuse to solve my own
i pray if i don't think of it
maybe i can make it disappear
because god knows
i can't deal with them
i'm too scared
that if i tell them to you
you will leave
and desert me
like what happened
with my very own family
so inside i hide
from you
from him,
from him,
but its not because i don't like you
but because i simply can't trust
because inside i'm broken

i see the kids
who get awards
for things like
perfect attendance
and best grades
but why not an award
for working the
night shift
cause momas adicted
and daddys gone
moma cant work
cant be sober long enough
so tell me
why don't they
have an award
for keeping your family
off the streets
i come in late
and all you do is scowl
but you don't know
what its like
working from six to three
for less than minimum wage
i dont to math homework
because im to busy  
doing taxes and paying bills

you only need my light
when im running low
only say to smile
when my tears flow
only want my love
when it fit your schedule
only miss my dress
when you pull it off
you love me on your terms
not on what i need

When I say I love you
What I'm trying to tell you
Is that no matter what
This world throws at us
It won't shake me lose

When I say I love you
What I'm trying to say is
I will fight the biggest battle
The strongest monsters
Just to hold your hand

When I say I love you
What I want you to know is
I am here through this timeline
And through the next
So I wanted to let you know
I love you

you say that you wont give up on me
but for you that be so **** easy
and you say that were okay
so i put on my best face
even when you say im not perfect
even if i dont need to be
why cant i swallow my pride
when you look me in my eye
and tell me that you do not think
that she is so pretty
but she is the reason that
im giving up on me

i was waiting for the day you said you want me
because in my heart i felt a pull
one that I've never felt before
but watching you with others almost broke me down
i wasn't alone so i guess i understand
but now we throw our hearts into the flames
we love each other on days like these
if your wondering if i still love you
even when we are apart
here's what i would say
"i want you more and more each day
i love you in every way
i love this life we have
and i don't want to ever let you go"

I won’t say I hate you
Because no matter how much
I wish I never met you i don’t
But your love didn’t grow flowers
It built coffins
And I know it’s wrong of me
But I don’t forgive you
I can’t just forget how you
Burnt the house you called a home
to the ground
Was that just to excuse
all the pain you went through
I remember when you would start fights
Just to have the control to put tears in our eyes
Now there soaking through the floorboards
And I could always tell
When the liquor was to strong
I could see it in your eyes
I don’t think I can ever understand
what you did to me
Are you better now that I’m gone

im in my room
with our song on
i still feel like your arms are wrapping me up tight
im in your heart
but i cant see you
and theres no one to blame
for the pain that i worry i will cause
and your not here
not today but i need you most
when i get lost inside of my head

jealous of the rain
that hits the grass
cause its closer then i can get
and im jealous of the leaves
dancing in the wind
wondering to anywhere and nowhere
cause its farther then i can go
jealous of the wind
rippling on the waves
running miles on miles
because it sees more then i can
and im jealous of the past when we could stand together
when we could walking together
because im trapped inside

you overfill my senses
your touch like a feather
brushing on my skin
you smell like bitter rain
and sweet cologne
you look like kindness
and love
your eyes hold stars
when i look at you
i realize your my
G O L D E N       B O Y

dont you ever let your mistakes
make you feel you aren't worthy
of my love
you are more deserving of me
than i am of you
you are the only one i will ever want
you are more worthy of my love
than any other person could ever be

our love is just friendship lit on fire
when i see you
i fulfill my every desire
you build me up before i fall apart
your the first person
I've not been afraid to give my heart
you deserve the love
that i give to you
even if you don't agree
i know i argue
that's just my nature
your my only love
and the only one i will ever want

im obsessed with the way your head is resting on my lap
the fact that you truly love the things i hate about myself
and no one sees my insecurity like you
but every single one you tell me isn't true

I'm obsessed with the way you stop me from over thinking all the little things
the fact that you don't think I'm worthless when I'm a wreck
and no one sees the way i over stress myself like you
but every little weight you take off my shoulders makes me feel over blessed

I'm obsessed with the way you understand me even when i don't know the right words to say
the fact that you cant sit still for even an hour makes my head spin
and no one keeps me on my toes the way you do
but every little glances is an electric shock of love like I'm a little kid again

I'm obsessed with the way you feel like home when I'm in your arms
the fact that you are so worth the wait of every single heartbreak
and no one sees the way your smile brings me up on my worst days
but every single one pulls me from the tears that sting my eyes

I'm obsessed with the way us is enough for the rest of my life
the fact that you know how comforting every little piece of you is
and no one sees the way i hold that ring when i need to stay strong
but every time i worry about you not wanting me to have some of your things you tell me its cute that I want you so close

I want to kiss you
I want to feel the electricity between us
I want to light the flames in your heart
I want to burn the world with our passion
I want everyone to dream about us
I want our love to be the storybook children get to read
I want to be open
I want to be close
I want to float into the sky without worry
I want to kiss you
I hope you want that too

my skin was
B U R N T
in the bright summer
S U N
and it amazed me how yours
T A N N E D
but i suppose you were just a tad more
S U N    K I S S E D
than i would ever get

it was never the right time
when i'd hit you up
i kept telling myself i love you
but i was just kidding myself
all of our moments dragging along
cause i still cant tell you
the words that i needed to say
and you hurt me under the surface
and our troubled waters growing cold
i will heal but you wont
so before i go
i want you to know
that this isnt your fault
and im sorry that there's nothing i can say
to stop your hurting
please dont let your mind make you feel so worthless
before i go

hi
to everyone
who's ever suffered
at he hands of
a person they thought loved
them but in turn they were
only looking for another soul to
burn and hurt
im here with you
some day i promise you
we will
rise

sometimes it feels like im stuck in a
S T O R Y
like someone is narrerating just above
M E
Like I'm not even in control of my
L I F E
And maybe I'm not maybe I've never
B E E N
But maybe I never will be because of my
M E N T A L    H E A L T H

you set the bar
into the sky
how could i ever leave you
i dont want to be 30 something
and still in my head
thinking about 18 something
in a hotel room bed
talking about forever
wrapped up in your arms
you are my everything

you set the bar
in the stars
how could i ever want to leave you
i would rather be 30 something
holding our kids
telling them about 18 something
the love story we wrote
reading them every word and chapter
you will always be my everything

where am i
when i close my eyes
when i sing the words
that are painted on the pages
but somehow they speak to me
like they where written for me
like they are speaking to me
where am i
when you smile at me
and my stomach floats
when we harmonize perfectly
where am i
when you speak to my heart
I'm probably giving in
to the idea of new love

its not that i didn't want you happier
its not that i didn't know you'd move on
its seeing those smiles
watching those hands
reach for another girl
i thought you would be my forever
and i know that we just weren't right
i shouldn't be crying since i moved on to
but for some reason
when i hear an old slow song
i miss they way i felt in your arms
the arms i was ready to be in forever

he is a rose
his skin is soft and bright
like the petals of a rose
his voice as as deep as a shade of crimson
like the red that surrounds the flower
his personality sharp but kind precise
like the thorns that decorate the stem
and every piece of him is beautiful and majestic
just like a rose
a kind
beautiful  
flower
that
holds
a past of    
much love        
as i
feel
for
him

i let you scream at me at me
because i know its not at me
no its at the stage
its at the lights
its at the speakers
i just happen to be at the receiving end

i let you scream at me
being careful not to tell you about my week
careful not to tell you how i swallowed my tears
careful not to let you see the panic attacks
but they hurt
but there there
even though i let you yell at me

I am a hurricane
blowing my winds with words
that is so strong you can't argue with them

I am a hurricane
tearing down your lies with heavy rain
like the branches of weak trees

I am a hurricane
breaking you down with thunder so loud
even the houses fall to the ground

I am a hurricane
washing away all the pain you caused
like the graffiti that is now gone

books are my escape
they paint roses with words
they capture stories in full color
they tell you of loves no one can see
they remind me the world isn't always so bad
but they also show you that when it is bad its always the worst

His eyes dance like the snowflakes
Unique most special
His arms pull me in like a tide
Warm and strong
His lips press onn mine
Soft and loving
As we spin around his kitchen
Light and happy
And i realize that this boy truly loves me
Sweet and kind
And i have as well knowing we will
Withstand our time

i wish i could give you my pain
not to hurt you
i would never wish that
but so that you could understand
I'm not broken
or shattered
i am beautifully rebuilt

when i met you the world i knew
melted away and surrounded around you
and now in my future
i see happiness in you
i see a family
i see smiles
and love so bright
so happy
that i will never let
the world i have with you disappear