When people are in love
It’s said there falling
Like maybe they tripped
On the uneven sidewalk
Face forward
And Into the arms of the one they love

I did more
then simply fall on the ground for you

You at least for me
Where like diving into and ocean
Headfirst
Jumping
Crashing
Almost painfully
Into the depths of you

I knew how to swim
At least I thought I did
But I am drowning
Entangled in you
And I am surrounded by you
And I love the feeling of you engulfing me

And I love the feeling of you
Flowing against my whole being
And I have never tried to reach land
And I never will
For if I where ever to find land
It would mean leaving you

And after submerging into the depths
The love
The passion
The happiness of you
How could I ever leave?

before i met you
they where just three empty words
that i overused never understanding the meaning
but now they feel met to you
i know see me overthinking
even the tiniest of moments
even though you tell me i don't ever have too
and i know that you will always answer my call
but i can never pick up the phone
and tell you the three words
that are so brimming when i see it to you

You are a hand grenade
In the shape of a boy
Your kindness like an explosion
Turning our love explosive
You came into my life like a burst of fresh air
And somehow you pulled me in
Even as I worried the flames would burn me
Except your flames aren’t painful
Your flames are the most loving thing
I’ve ever felt
And as they swallow me burning around me
I fell so hard that I could finally see
why I loved you so much
It was because you where a hand grenade
In the shape of a boy

we where brought together
not by luck
not without pain
not without brokenness
but by god
on our own roads to recovery
and in each other we find the answers
to the questions we began to drown in
and in those answers we found love

These woes are my canvas baby
Do you get what I means
These words have built my army
Filled with my colors and dreams
I try to rest easy
But they wake me up early
They bounce around me restless
Till they feel like there honest
Even when there spiraling out of control

you always hold my hand
even if im low
always wipe the tears away before it snows
i think your my lover
i cant let you go
and you always bring your light
when mines blown away
always help me talk
when i dont have a voice of my own
i think your my lover
i cant let you go

our love is just friendship lit on fire
when i see you
i fulfill my every desire
you build me up before i fall apart
your the first person
I've not been afraid to give my heart
you deserve the love
that i give to you
even if you don't agree
i know i argue
that's just my nature
your my only love
and the only one i will ever want

What doesn’t **** you makes you stronger
I’ve heard that said far to many times
But growing up in a house on fire
That doesn’t make you stronger
That leaves you with
third degree emotional burns
That manifest into unbridled chaos
I mean I can’t even light the stove top
I mean I can’t even taste cheep beer
Or smell cheep wine
Without the feeling of your fist
Colliding with my cheek bone
Without the feeling of purple bruises
Burning across my cheeks
You where the reason the house was lit on fire
Don’t try to tell me I’m stronger

Water rushing above me
The surface breaking and folding
Bubbles floating escaping my lips
Vibrating out of my nose
Floating above my hair
Burning in my chest that seems to keep growing
Reaching toward the light
Just out of reach
As hundreds of hands rush down
Pushing me further
Taking me deeper
Until my lungs stop
Until i feel the buzz of oxygen
Until i remember how to fill my balloons
Until i remember how to float
Until these fake bladders
fill with amber liquid
Until my breath comes back stronger
And the images of me drowning fade
into the back of my skull
Like distant memories
And i realize that i'm not in water
But a hospital bed
Drowning in fluids i produced
Realizing that my body’s slowly killing me

before you no one was worth setteling down
in my soul however i always wanted
someone who could capture my heart
and you are quite captivating
somehow you have captivated me
you have stolen my heart
i am completely wrapped around your fingers
i love you
and your captivating voice
and your captivating smile
and your captivating words
and your captivating soul
and i think to myself
perhaps we've captivated eachother

i see the kids
who get awards
for things like
perfect attendance
and best grades
but why not an award
for working the
night shift
cause momas adicted
and daddys gone
moma cant work
cant be sober long enough
so tell me
why don't they
have an award
for keeping your family
off the streets
i come in late
and all you do is scowl
but you don't know
what its like
working from six to three
for less than minimum wage
i dont to math homework
because im to busy  
doing taxes and paying bills

i wait on the bay
watching as he makes introductions
but hes forever skipping me
forever walking by
i have to fight my urge to meet you
walk up and shake hands with the deputy
but my hands are far to ******
from crimes against myself
knowing i shouldnt each time i commit another
but still my hands are covered
in a color so crimson
that it almost hurts but i still keep committing
and im sorry that i keep disappearing mr deputy

you reminded my heart
what it felt like to be loved
i held you too tight
and you promised
to never let me go
But then you left
Before I was ready to let go
for that
i will always hate you
because you broke my heart

I won’t say I hate you
Because no matter how much
I wish I never met you i don’t
But your love didn’t grow flowers
It built coffins
And I know it’s wrong of me
But I don’t forgive you
I can’t just forget how you
Burnt the house you called a home
to the ground
Was that just to excuse
all the pain you went through
I remember when you would start fights
Just to have the control to put tears in our eyes
Now there soaking through the floorboards
And I could always tell
When the liquor was to strong
I could see it in your eyes
I don’t think I can ever understand
what you did to me
Are you better now that I’m gone

I live on an ocean
Flowing with the waves
Watching as they crash on the coast
Watching as you run to meet them
Connecting your world with mine
You grass
Your green
Your smiles
Your dreams
Your sandy beaches
Running to meet
my water
My blue
My fear
My destruction
My coral reefs
I watch gliding toward you slowly
Until there is no space between us
Not even molecules of air
Until ocean and earth are one
Like we always should be

it was never the right time
when i'd hit you up
i kept telling myself i love you
but i was just kidding myself
all of our moments dragging along
cause i still cant tell you
the words that i needed to say
and you hurt me under the surface
and our troubled waters growing cold
i will heal but you wont
so before i go
i want you to know
that this isnt your fault
and im sorry that there's nothing i can say
to stop your hurting
please dont let your mind make you feel so worthless
before i go

dont you ever let your mistakes
make you feel you aren't worthy
of my love
you are more deserving of me
than i am of you
you are the only one i will ever want
you are more worthy of my love
than any other person could ever be

i break the ice
so they dont see how i break inside
i have to be kind
or they'll make fun of my size
i get told I'm to loud
and i have to keep busy
I'm sorry if i don't respond please don't forget me

i let them keep me around
so there flaws just seem silly
i say I'm okay
or they wont listen to what i need to say
i get told I'm not pretty
and i refuse to be to proud
I'm sorry if i think i sing well when you cant

i let you scream at me at me
because i know its not at me
no its at the stage
its at the lights
its at the speakers
i just happen to be at the receiving end

i let you scream at me
being careful not to tell you about my week
careful not to tell you how i swallowed my tears
careful not to let you see the panic attacks
but they hurt
but there there
even though i let you yell at me

I wasn't born
To be
Soft and quite
I was born
to make the world
Shatter and shake
At my fingertips

I wasn't born
To watch
From the sidelines
I was born
To see dreams
Become as vivid and real
As my poems

i am broken
i am shattered into a thousand pieces
i am nothing but shards
and yet i lay every **** piece
down at your feet
they've always been yours
and they will always be
take the ones you want leave what you don't
rebuild me into what you need
and i will make you smile
every single day

sometimes i have all the inspiration in the world
i write poem
i write stories
i write the inner folds of myself
and sometimes i have absolutely none
i cant walk
i cant talk
i cant even get out of my bed
and thats just my depression i guess

When I say I love you
What I'm trying to tell you
Is that no matter what
This world throws at us
It won't shake me lose

When I say I love you
What I'm trying to say is
I will fight the biggest battle
The strongest monsters
Just to hold your hand

When I say I love you
What I want you to know is
I am here through this timeline
And through the next
So I wanted to let you know
I love you

every day that the dawn rises
i find myself celebrating
as another day passes
because at least i made it
this far
making me this much closer
to the end of my time

you only need my light
when im running low
only say to smile
when my tears flow
only want my love
when it fit your schedule
only miss my dress
when you pull it off
you love me on your terms
not on what i need

Denial is a river
And baby I've drowned at the bottom
Watched it flow above my head
Watch the bubbles leave my mouth

Denial is a river
She ***** you down deep
Leaves you sure your fine at the bottom
After all you can see even if it's blurry

Denial is a river
I'm learning how to swim with the tide
Learning how to tread the water
So maybe I won't drown

i wish i could give you my pain
not to hurt you
i would never wish that
but so that you could understand
I'm not broken
or shattered
i am beautifully rebuilt

i saw you just last night
but it feels like i haven't my whole life
but i know its just in my head
i had been trying to hold onto love with people
who never thought of me as enough
but then i see the way you look at me
and you set the bar above the moon
so i don't want to be any older
and still in my bed thinking about those Sunday mornings
the way you listened to me
the church that felt like home for me
wondering what we could have been
i don't want these memories to be past tense
because your everything I've ever wanted

im sorry i love you slowly sometimes
and others i jump in head first
i don't know what its like to love
without being in survival mode
but i want you to know that on the early march day
you where my reason to stay
and you still are even today

i was waiting for the day you said you want me
because in my heart i felt a pull
one that I've never felt before
but watching you with others almost broke me down
i wasn't alone so i guess i understand
but now we throw our hearts into the flames
we love each other on days like these
if your wondering if i still love you
even when we are apart
here's what i would say
"i want you more and more each day
i love you in every way
i love this life we have
and i don't want to ever let you go"

how does one ever recover from this?
i don't think i ever can
perhaps i don't want to
perhaps its easier not to
don't judge me though
we all carry our own baggage
some just carry it more inwardly

my skin was
B U R N T
in the bright summer
S U N
and it amazed me how yours
T A N N E D
but i suppose you were just a tad more
S U N    K I S S E D
than i would ever get

roses are red
violets are blue
i wish I could get out of my head
because with you there sometimes I wish I was dead

why am I broken
when did I get flaws
why do you treat me
like I don't deserve a shred of worth
promise I'm not a fake ******* up lost cause
I know I'm human
but you treat me like something else
and I know I'm human
so why do you treat me like I'm something else
I've always been there for you
even when think don't think it is true
I helped out
I watched them cry
I dried their tears
but now I know there's no one here that even cares

I'm proud to call you mine
Infact I do
Every chance I get
I'm proud to say I have learned your mind
I have begun to understand you
like no one else can
I'm proud to show you off
And I d o to each of my friends
I'm proud to say I'm inlove with you
Because I know I can rely on you
When my emotions get the best of me
And so I will always be
Proud to call you mine

i hate to get personal
but my mind is a bowl
catching drips
from her problems,
from his problems,
i can solve there's quickly
but refuse to solve my own
i pray if i don't think of it
maybe i can make it disappear
because god knows
i can't deal with them
i'm too scared
that if i tell them to you
you will leave
and desert me
like what happened
with my very own family
so inside i hide
from you
from him,
from him,
but its not because i don't like you
but because i simply can't trust
because inside i'm broken

you say that you wont give up on me
but for you that be so **** easy
and you say that were okay
so i put on my best face
even when you say im not perfect
even if i dont need to be
why cant i swallow my pride
when you look me in my eye
and tell me that you do not think
that she is so pretty
but she is the reason that
im giving up on me

im in my room
with our song on
i still feel like your arms are wrapping me up tight
im in your heart
but i cant see you
and theres no one to blame
for the pain that i worry i will cause
and your not here
not today but i need you most
when i get lost inside of my head

you set the bar
into the sky
how could i ever leave you
i dont want to be 30 something
and still in my head
thinking about 18 something
in a hotel room bed
talking about forever
wrapped up in your arms
you are my everything

you set the bar
in the stars
how could i ever want to leave you
i would rather be 30 something
holding our kids
telling them about 18 something
the love story we wrote
reading them every word and chapter
you will always be my everything

I want to kiss you
I want to feel the electricity between us
I want to light the flames in your heart
I want to burn the world with our passion
I want everyone to dream about us
I want our love to be the storybook children get to read
I want to be open
I want to be close
I want to float into the sky without worry
I want to kiss you
I hope you want that too

loving is hard,
but screaming will always make it worse
I hear your words
but they burn when you scream them
puncturing the drums in my ears

loving is hard,
but you make it worse
if you say you love me
why would you say goodbye

loving is hard,
but I'm breaking out
I wont let you control me
even if its for the best

loving is hard,
but fighting makes it worse
I wish for one day
this love we have
didn't have to hurt

I wonder if he's happy
Now that he's gone on his
A D V E N T U R E
I wonder if he thinks about
Me and him
T H R O U G H
The freezing cold nights
I wonder if he ever looks back
On the beautiful
T I M E
When he called me "mine"

books are my escape
they paint roses with words
they capture stories in full color
they tell you of loves no one can see
they remind me the world isn't always so bad
but they also show you that when it is bad its always the worst

His eyes dance like the snowflakes
Unique most special
His arms pull me in like a tide
Warm and strong
His lips press onn mine
Soft and loving
As we spin around his kitchen
Light and happy
And i realize that this boy truly loves me
Sweet and kind
And i have as well knowing we will
Withstand our time