My heart rest against yours I can feel my matching your beat I can feel the skin on your lips brush against me I can feel your strong callused hands Tracing the line of my jaw My lips meet yours each time longing for more Each time like a lightning bolt I try not to melt Though i know its to late Hes eyes watch me carefully As i lean in closer I give you a kiss Those lips like a soft cushion Those silver blue eyes Glisen in lamplight Lamps that you have created In that beautiful mind I'm just happy that i can call you M I N E
T H E S E W O R D S spill of my tongue like promises that could never be kept T H E S E W O R D S run out of my mouth like pain that could never be properly explained T H E S E W O R D S flow past my lips like the screams that escaped my mind but couldn't be voiced T H E S E W O R D S stick in my throat like the story that i kept hidden in the back of my mind T H E S E W O R D S are silenced by the men who take everything from the women who suffer everything for the love of a father
in a room full of people yet i feel like im the only one H E R E the people talk and laugh during their C O N V E R S A T I O N S yet i cant seem to start a conversation with A N Y O N E here it feels like i will be forever L O N E L Y
your faking it cant you be H A P P I E R your only doing this for A T T E N T I O N you can change it when there A R O U N D
but he doesn't see the hours spent C R Y I N G i am constantly trying to look H A P P I E R i wish no one would see me or give me A T T E N T I O N and he doesnt know that i am F A K E around them
im sixteen got a lot on my mind i've got a few friends that take up my T I M E people tell me i should smile that im a pretty girl its just taken me A W H I L E and im stressed out but i cant describe all the things i feel inside but people say it will all be good with T I M E
Is it weird That on the days i start to miss Y O U listen to the songs we used to listen to on R E P E A T Is it odd That on the days i missed you the M O S T I pretend that your a ghost or you never really There even though i know that's R E A L I S T I C A L L Y Incorrect Is it wrong That on the nights that i miss you, D U R I N G Every memory playback There you are painting the stars of the N I G H T
S M I L E for the picture wear a nice D R E S S wont you pose with your B R O T H E R and be a good S I S T E R but when the pictures are done our B R U I S E S will begin to S U R F A C E
sit quietly put your hand down no question is dumb except that one don't look at that focus on me your opinion is wrong who told you that you were aloud to have an dont talk back to me if you defend yourself you will be suspended don't answer when i ask questions keep your thoughts to yourself you know nothing this is my subject to teach don't act like you know the answers it doesn't matter if you already know this don't work ahead
Tell me your name And I'll tell you my D R E A M S Tell me your aspersions And I'll search for your H E A R T Tell me your happiest moments And I will work to R E C R E A T E all of them
when i was a kid i had a large D R E A M C A T C H E R it sat on my wall and i gave it all of my A S P I R A T I O N S and yesterday i found it in a box that was filled with old pictures and when i saw this D R E A M catcher i hung it in my window to remember the times that were much S I M P L E R
the stench is strong the cigarettes burn in the tray my eyes burn as i strain to see in the smoky haze the hunger in my stomach grows but the fridge is empty i chew on my gums allowing the hunger to subside the door opens i stare at the floor my eyes fearful he walks in i plead in my mind for someone anyone to save me my eyes flash as his hand strikes my face
i am the girl that everyone K N O W S i am hiding behind a M A S K you will see me as the H A P P Y G I R L you cant see inside my M I N D in fact no one can no one sees my many L A Y E R S i wish for help but no one hears because you laughed it off after all im just the H A P P Y G I R L
have you ever been in a house wit so much T E N S I O N that you feel like the ceiling is C A V I N G I N like the walls are resting on your S H O U L D E R S and you cant just L E T I T G O even though everyone wants you to and you feel like your on the verge of E X P L O D I N G
everytime we both break down and cry and you say you hate me and you go to bed angry i pray that it will be alright cause i know you think im lazy but its because my mind is so busy and i wish you could understand my life cause im still fighting the demons you created but i know i cant explain to you because even though your my father you chose not to understand everything i've been through so everytime we both break down and cry can you try not to go to bed angry because sometimes i wish you could just listen
his smile holds a K I N D N E S S his eyes hold an I N T E N S I T Y that's so soft it surprised me his arms hold me so T I G H T L Y even when i feel like im slipping his dreams are so B E A U T I F U L even when we argue about a family
i am a strong believer that there are 5 steps to drowning S T E P 1 panic: at this point you flail your arms reach skyward pray that a god saves you pray someone saves you S T E P 2 tired: at this point you have used all your energy your adrenalin has run out your will to keep trying has run out S T E P 3 fall: at this point you feel the water slip past your fingertips feel the water engulf you feel the waves pushing you down farther S T E P 4 calm: at this point you realize how beautiful the water is watch as everything slows down maybe a fish slowly passes you maybe a snail slowly crawls toward you S T E P 5 burn: at this point you start to acknowledge a strong burn in your chest you realize your not breathing you take a deep breath you embrace the water as your lungs fill you close your eyes as the water takes yet another ****
if we never met i think i would be D I F F E R E N T i think i might be a little H A P P I E R but i also think i wouldn't be so S T R O N G you may have temporarily B R O K E me but i am learning and growing and becoming B E A U T I F U L
what is L O V E ? its quite a funny T H I N G falling isnt ever P A I N F U L but falling out leaves you B R O K E N i wish i could say i never loved H I M
i float in a boat it sits low in the water it slowly is filling with the raging black ocean and i am just watching while it rises to my throat and up my nose until finally i D R O W N
your not a person your a S O U L R I D E R you ride so ******* a H A P P Y soul, until its so drained, so broken, that the person is L O S T inside of there minds but i will not let you ride my soul into O B L I V I O N
sometimes i wish people could S E E all of the pain that im E X P E R I E N C I N G i wish they could F E E L the hurt i have gone T H R O U G H because maybe if they U N D E R S T O O D the world i have lived in they could see the live i hated L I V I N G I N
your screams more blood curdling than the sound of your beer bottles smashing agaisnt the wall even when there right next to my head even as the cuts brush my cheeks you take me down every word poison ment to **** me just a little more but in the end while your destroying my life your bringing yourself down faster so really in the end we both lose
tell me the truth were you ever H A P P Y or was i the cause of so much P A I N of so much A N G U I S H that even the smile i loved so much soon became just as F A K E as your idea of parenting
my father i remember his eyes they weren't kind they were dark like a rats i cant use words he stole from me things that i didn't know could be taken fro me at the age of five i had seen more pain and destruction than many would see in there lifetime yet you stole the only thing i was holding onto something i wanted to save for the man who would oneday fall in love with me i wanted to wait till marriage but know i may not ever be able to because of what was stolen from me by you
i almost think your mad at me like how you like to say you had it worst but now you cant because i was sexually assaulted like its my fault like its my bad like how could i let something like that happen how could i have gone though something worse then your parents divorced but wait aren't my parents divorced to but no i dont get that crutch because i was 3 and you were 16
why do i feel like i always have to J U S T I F Y my pain to you, like you get to hold some kind of M O N O P O L Y over my emotion i guess its because i thought if i was able to give away my E M O T I O N S then maybe it would be easier for me to B E A R but now im stuck always J U S T I F Y I N G myself to you
is there anybody out there looking out for me just say you want me just say you need me is every last solder ******* me over cause i feel alone in this battle broken and damaged killed by a savage brain fights reaching for a lifeline
isn't it funny when the world falls around Y O U isn't it funny when the things crash around Y O U isn't it funny when your life ends S L O W L Y isn't it funny when the world ends slowly and the people around you D I S A P P E A R
One day, when I'm six feet in the ground And my body becomes bug food And my bones become bug food And my brain becomes big food I hope with every bite they catch glimpses of you In every bit they are shown our smiles They are shown our laughs I hope there privy to our hours of conversation I hope they get visions of you kissing me The way we held eachother Even when the others fire burnt us I hope there senses are over run The way your smile made mine I hope they hear you calling my name in the moonlight The way words sounded like poetry coming from your lips I hope there minds are full Of my memories with you Because even in death We will never be apart
tomorrow is an A N N I V E R S A R Y the memories cloud my M I N D his smile his dark eyes the tears i C R I E D seeing myself curled in a ball holding my stomach as P A I N serged through not only my body but my M I N D
like the blue summer S K Y your eyes gleamed in the S U N L I G H T but when the sun began to set the M O O N did not reflect the person you actually W E R E
i used to have a box of M A T C H E S i used to feel like i was burning from the I N S I D E O U T so i thought if i kept the matches in my pocket i could control the F I R E and when it got to intense i could blow out the M A T C H
maybe you chose me based on the convenience but i wouldnt have given you a second look had i known the way we wouldve ended i never wouldve chose you i wish someone had written me a summary because i had no idea i had never seen the signs i was to young to know any better then your hand smacks so hard they couldve cut paper bruises sprinkling my cheeks yet you still called it pretty like the bruises you left on me were just your prize
W E L C O M E those who are happy i'm sorry i can't be like Y O U i wish i could and maybe one day i will be H A P P I E R but until then please come to my page and read my broken W O R D S
i just i can feel it i can feel his hands i can feel his nails digging deep into my skin the bruises that rose to the surface still hurt my lungs burn because im gasping for air so sharply that it almost feels like he is still there like his grip is still around my neck like my mother's voice still laughs in the corner like i'm still focusing on the black fuzz that stains that mattress trying not to focus on the pain in my stomach and i hear people they say not to blame myself but i can't help feeling that's maybe if i had just put up stronger defenses maybe if i had done something to protect myself i would never have been in this situation like if i could have screamed a little louder pulled my wrists from his grip a little harder maybe i could have saved myself from being broken but instead i feel like my body is in a slaughterhouse and like a pig i was cut open and savaged for any man who could pay the right price i shake like a small dog and barry the truth and i get what they say i get i cant blame myself but i don't see anywhere in any place where this isn't my fault and all i want to do is cry but us survivors we are supposed to be strong aren't we but when does that kick in when does the sour feeling that is stuck in my stomach leave i still feel like my body isn't mine
one day i will get a B O A T and on that day i will S A I L A W A Y to lands i have never seen T R A V E L through mountains and F O R E S T S there i will start my new L I F E one that s full of HAPPY days and months so that i can F I N A L L Y learn what its like to truely S M I L E
S M I L E it makes you look more P R E T T Y S M I L E it makes you look more Y O U N G S M I L E it makes you seem H A P P I E R remember to S M I L E
i can still feel the bite the influence you had on me i hear it everytime i ask permission to do things i know he wont care about like im still your obedient puppy my head still so full you broke me down until i didnt even recognize any of my characteristics i wonder if in another place at another time somehow your soul was licensed to torture mine like a sick contract with the devil because even when ive left you left your town even left your friends i still see you pop up in every store staring pretending you didnt become the most hateful person ive ever met
You screamed that i take up to much space Half an inch from my face Even while i slumped in the corner of the room Because we all knew there was no escaping you No escaping the drink The nights youd go to far push me to hard
You said i take to much space Half an inch from my face And i just cant shake those words from my brain On repeat over and over Like a song i cant stop replaying Your voice made me shake in the worst ways
You screamed i take to much space Half an inch from my face Because i ment nothing to you The space that i took would just get in your way so youd scream Like if i didnt enable it the end was on me