take a picture
of this perfect place
while were caught up
in everybody's empty
W O R D S
take a second
let it in
because nobody here needs your
G R A C E
take a glance
of a world
standing right infront of your
F A C E
because when you blink
years will pass
and no one will care for
L I F E

i clench my fist
holding my jaw tight
his hands travel lower
"is this alright"
i want to say no
but i can't move my lips
i turn my head
not wanting to meet his eyes
i let his hands travel
just a bit farther
he says i can say no
and inside i want to
but i let him pull me down
my back on the
satin sheets
they wrap around us
engulfing our body's
tears well in my eyes
as i push him off me
my heart sinks
i look at him and shake my head
the only words that i could say where
im sorry i cant

if you had the courage to
A S K   M E
the questions that are swelling in your
T H R O A T
maybe you could understand
the past i've worked so hard to
L O S E
and each time you try to refrain from
A S K I N G
i feel like the lumps in my
T H R O A T
feel like there growing until i begin to
L O S E
so please dont pity me but dont think you cant
A S K  M E

when i was younger i was broken
in this brokenness i sat quietly
searching for the missing
P I E C E S
and as i seach the ground i find the piece of another
it belongs to you and as our hands meet
as we trade pieces of each other
i realize that i will only fully be collected
when i am built with our pieces
M I X E D

F A L L,
it is a season
its what we do in love
its how we end ourselves
when we fall in the dirt
when were covered in dust
when the others words wom there way in
and our minds begin to betray
the person we thought we we're
i just wish we hadn't found love in
E A C H     O T H E R

mine is full
of people whoes
N A M E S
i could never truly tell you
like bestie from elementary
<3 <3 <3
what does that even mean
oh thats right it means
that our perfect
F R I E N D S H I P
that we had as children
fizzed into nothing bye
the end of our sixth grade
Y E A R
i dont even know why people
feel that they need these
P H O N E S
because all its ever done is
ruin my little sliver of
H A P P I N E S S
i had left
but were still glued to these
P H O N E S

a
feather
that tells a story
written in words
that when my time
came to be i on
ly  forgot to
speak leavi
ng me
br
o
k
e
n

he waits at the bank
his hands on the dry dirt
she flows by him
in a river that jumps
and changes often
uncertain of her course
he reaches for her hand
for he is rooted in the ground
and she has never seen roots before
as she had always traveled
but only with the water
her ever changing ways interested him
her lack of plans made him question his
she found his steady hand calming
and in his touch she found
that even her waters so unpredictable
could be calmed even for a second

he said he loved me
i knew he did
he said he needed me
i knew it was true

so i gave him my heart
let his kindness drip
like candle wax filling
the holes others
had created in my heart

we wait till
M I D N I G H T
and sneak out the
W I N D O W
and pray we dont get
C A U G H T
as we search for the
C O N S T E L LA T I O N S
and i pray that the sun will never
R I S E
so tat we may stay here in this
M O M E N T
forever, never looking back to our stressful
H O M E S

i am here because i chose to
and so i will chose to stand by you
i know we can make it through
even if we both breakdown
we will rise from our ashes
because we can break through
and even if we cant find heaven
i want to walk through hell with you
and you will never be alone
because i swear to stand by you

I no longer pray
A whisper in the night
A conversation alone with the moon
A lunar mother I come begging for advice
Like maybe she can give me answers
Like somehow asking her would answer
Why we dance in this eternal ball
Why we must hurt if we have a savior

I no longer pray
A shout so much frustration
It sizzles off my tongue
I can't help but feel hate
For some one who watches
And prays on our weak
With promises of salvation
That turn into money hunger

I no longer pray
I'm tired on waiting for change
Following books and rules
When they can't even keep me safe
When they can't even bring solice to my pain
Why would I pray when nobody ever answers

they sit in the corner
some are filled
some are
E M P T Y
but each is significant
having some painful
or promising contents
what do you keep in
Y O U R
bottles you don't have to say
maybe one day
me and you can empty our
B O T T L E S

the names i go by
often change
but the
N A M E S
you call me
will stay with me
F O R E V E R

some times I can feel there
O P P R E S S I O N
it weighs me down like a thick
S Y R U P
the kind the use to suppress a
C O U G H
sticky so much so that it sticks to your
T H R O A T
closing it slowly so you can form no
W O R D S
but one day you will get to hear my
V O I C E
when that day comes i just hope you
L I S T E N

sometimes i couldn't hear myself
S C R E A M I N G
couldn't feel the pain you were
I N F L I C T I N G
like i had put myself away

and sometimes i catch myself
D R E A M I N G
couldn't stop the flashbacks from
C O M I N G   O N
like i wanted to feel something other than pain

everytime i look back on my
C H I L D H O O D
i see your face in the
B A C K G R O U N D
like out of the corner of my eye
i see your face lingering still
and know i know what to call it
just a little
S E C O N D H A N D    S M O K E

C H A P T E R 1
we start by introducing a woman
shes battered and bruised
but her eyes are bright
her face still damp with tears
as she runs into an apartment
and a man gives her a room
because he pities the young girl
C H A P T E R 2
the girl cleans up in a half bath
she smiles at her reflection sinisterly
and the reader begins to see that shes not what she seems
she offers to make him food
he smiles and excepts
noticing that after she cleaned up was quite beautiful
she cooked at the stove
and as she put a soup in a bowl
she poured a large amounts of arson
C H A P T E R 3
the man eats and is jovial
she also smiles watching him
watching as he laps up the drops of her soup
we begin to see a memory of hers
a man perhaps her father an empty bottle in his hand
his face is contorted with uncontrolled anger
he hits her until shes unconscious
he then proceeds to **** her
as she falls in and out of consciousness
C H A P T E R 4
we see the man falling very sick
he stumbles to his room sweat beads on his face
he excuses himself to bed and smiles at her
she smiles back but her face isnt a normal smile
he lies in his bed sweating crying
his heart begins to slow as she walks into the room
she watches until his last breath
as he begged her to call for help
C H A P T E R 5
she cleans the entire house
and takes his car to the river
he is sitting in the back eyes open wide
and still glistening with drops of old sweat
she drives up the dock
putting all the windows down
she hits the gas and lodges it down with a brick
like a seal on this mans fate
as she swims out of the window
C H A P T E R 6
seven bodies at the bottom of the river
each with a brick on the petal
each man killed with arson
each with a small heart carved on there wrist
she was a killer and the scene ends
with her ending yet another mans life
on the last page of the story
our novel asks you a question
was her killing justified
could she say she was a product of her surroundings
was the blame on her father
who showed her that men were untrustworthy
or perhaps her mother who was never there
not even to comfort her as she cried to sleep
or do you believe that she was just a
M O N S T E R

in the lightness
i felt your
D A R K
it wrapped me up
and held me quite
C L O S E
and for awhile
you even convinced me that your
D A R K N E S S
wasn't bad
and that it could save me from my own
L I G H T

three words
three simple words
yet i struggle for days
and still cant let the words
slip through my lips
i still couldn't tell you
no matter how hard
i tried
but i want
you to know
though i can't say it
i love you

if i asked you would you even care
because ive wondered for years
but i guess you will never give me an answer
you would rather drag me along
drag my name in the dirt
because you think your a good parent
i was just wondering
if you would give either of us
A N S W E R S

the tree dips down
pulling at the grass
R E A C H I N G
to pull there roots
but like a willow i also
B R E A K
easily even though i seem strong
on the outside
i still lose my
B R A N C H E S
once in awhile
especially after a violent
S T O R M

every night i lay in bed
the brightest colors fill my head
all these dreams are keeping me awake
these are the things you say to me
and i will always want to be a part
because however big
how ever small promise that you'll bring me along
to the world you see
to the world you'll make
you could be right
you could be wrong
but dont leave me behind
we can share our dreams
until the world becomes changed by our hands

im hanging on the ropes this time
i've been fighting all my
L I F E
for this. wish it could have gone
just a little
B E T T E R
than it did. but i guess i must
thank you for the happiest
Y E A R
of my life. even if you dragged me around
and i lost my will to
L I V E
i still owe you the happiest days
of my
L I F E
i just hope we can meet again next
Y E A R

his eyes are as blue as the ocean there,
L O V E L Y
when his arms pull me close
and his heart beats fast
everything is inside his mind is
L O V E L Y
his smile reminds me of a fox
his sideways grin
makes my heart throb
and i think that this boy is absolutely
L O V E L Y

Loving him is like
Realizing everything you’ve ever needed
Is right in front of you
Loving him is like
Watching a flame dance
Even after the candles blown out
Loving him is like
Waking up from a story
That you thought you were stuck in
Loving him is like
Every piece of me finally
Coming back together
I swear that i will be loving him
F O R E V E R

i know the thing i've been through are
H A R D   T O   H E A R
trust me i can tell when the words slowly
P A S S   M Y   L I P S
as my throat swells until it feels like i
C A N ' T    B R E A T H
the words slur in my brain as i try to form
S E N T A N C E S
as i try to explain myself t a person who
D O E S N ' T   C A R E
so yes i know that this is
H A R D   T O   H E A R

like a cloud
it fills he room
i sit in a daze
caught to in this smog
but i guess i will always smell your
S E C O N D H A N D - S M O K E

his breath smelt of whisky
and his cloths of cigarette
S M O K E
his hands were rough
as he stole from my
B O D Y
and when he had taken
what he wanted
he left me in the
T R E E S

W R I T E
the words
you wish to hear
W R I T E
the songs
you wish are real
W R I T E
the stories
you need to share
W R I T E
each memory
that haunts your soul

i look in your eyes and im
H O P E L E S S
come as you are to me dont need
A P O L O G I Z E
i wish i could help you see your
W O R T H
im here for the bad days and your good i will walk through the
S T O R M
and i will do this all because i love you
U N C O N D I T I O N A L L Y

bring me home
when the air grows to
C O L D
take me in
when the grounds covered in
S N O W
let me snuggle
in a warm
B L A N K E T
soak in this craziness
that has only just
B E G U N
because as winter clouds
cover summer
M O O N S
i want to be here
and remembered by
Y O U

the spirits lead me through my
D R E A M S
but it seems that my dreams are only to deceive
my eyes and my mind
from the brokenness that lies
I N S D E

as a kid i crawled over the
C O R D S
and now it seams i must walk on there
L I N E S
because if i step to far off
a bombing voice reminds me not to shake the
B O A T
because if we shake the boat
we will fall into the
M O A T
and so i walk on the cords and pray i dont
F A L L

you took my heart
H E A R T
into your hand
you swept up the
A S H E S
into your  palm
placing the
P I E C E S
back in there spots
and for that i'm always
G R A T E F U L

is it sad
that i was almost
J E A L O U S
or maybe it was
when her father
said with no prompting
I    L O V E   Y O U
or the time he
hugged her for no reason
maybe even the genuine
S M I L E S
on there faces
was what got me
because i knew i could
never have with
M Y   D A D

still alive but barely
B R E A T H I N G
just praying to a god that i dont
B E L I E V E   I N
im focused on the
C L O C K
cause ive got time to count till my
F R E E D O M
the things i say summon these
W A L L S
they say i should stop and put my mental health
F I R S T
i stare wide awake my brain wont let me
S L E E P   IN
what am i supposed to do when the walls cave in
A N D  MY
identities fly thru
A N D  W H O
am i supposed to be when everything i have seems to be
L O S T
and my self control is seeping

sometimes it feels like im wishing
like im dragging this baggage
and calling it a
D R E A M
like if i collect every wish in a jar
and now they are stacked upon my back
and as my baggage grows heavier i find myself
leaving the more important wishes
B E H I N D
i guess i just wish you didnt put the wait of your
W I S H
upon my shoulders because when you did
i forgot my
D R E A M S

love is a
L A N G U A G E
one i have only just learned to
S P E A K
your words taught me
Q U I C K L Y
even though i fear your language will be my
D E M I S E

L O V E
like a song we hear all to often
like a word that takes so little to say
but means so much
L O V E
each letter dripping with care
dripping with safety
each sylobole drawing it out making it sound like a promise
L O V E
but for me it is a promise
one that i will keep the best i can
because when i speak the words
I   L O V E   Y O U
what im really saying is that i will always be there for you

when i was younger
i watched the mountains
they surround the valley
making me feel
T R A P P E D
wrapping across the land
pulling me in with the curiosity but
K E E P I N G
me stuck in this valley
and keeping me
I S O L A T E D
from the rest of the world
that has pushed me out
and trap me in these
M O U N T A I N S

there is a tree
that lives on my
G R A S S
it was planted the day
that i was born
and during the
Y E A R S
it grew tall
with leaves bright
and dark bark protecting its
I N S I D E S
but as years went on
the insides rotted
O U T
until it fell to the ground
shattered into a million
P I E C E S
and i worry that soon
i will begin to
F A L L O W

naive is to young
as grass is to green
if someone taught me this sooner
i think i would have grown happier

smile is to fake
as sky is to blue
i wonder if i learned this sooner
if i would have been able to save you

Written in these pages are the stories that i wont
R E P L A C E
Written in these lines is the love i could never
F A K E
I sware when i get older i will look back on these pages just to
T H I N K
Cause written in these paragraphs are the stories of
Y O U    &     M E
And i hope that one day i will be able to say that we were
H A P P Y
But for now i promise to stay
A R O U N D  
i'll keep you company before our bodies hit the
G R O U N D
Cause every piece and part of me wants to love you
F O R E V ER
even if i cant hold onto you right
N O W
So i promise that i'll be there for you if only i can love you from a
F A R
And though i'm not in your arms i promise that i feel you in my
D R E A M S
So as these years go by one day i will have nights were you hold onto
M E
So written in these pages are the stories of the happiest years of my
L I F E

today i had a
P H Y S I C A L
post traumatic stress disorder
A T T A C K
for those who don't
K N O W
what it is i will
E X P L A I N
its a memory that the
B R A I N
has not processed so its separated into
P A R T S
like the sounds, the emotions, and the physical
F E E L I N G
that is in the category of a
P H Y S I C A L
post traumatic stress disorder
A T T A C K

My heart rest against yours
I can feel my matching your beat
I can feel the skin on your lips brush against me
I can feel your strong callused hands
Tracing the line of my jaw
My lips meet yours each time longing for more
Each time like a lightning bolt
I try not to melt
Though i know its to late
Hes eyes watch me carefully
As i lean in closer
I give you a kiss
Those lips like a soft cushion
Those silver blue eyes
Glisen in lamplight
Lamps that you have created
In that beautiful mind
I'm just happy that i can call you
M I N E

each time i see you
my heart melts a little bit more
i am yours to take

i am yours to hold
in your eyes i see your strength
each look completes me

when your playing guitar
i wish i was in your arms
as you draw me in

i am like a moth
drawn to you a dancing flame
your voice pulls me closer

each time i hear you
each dream you interrupt
seeing you is calm

hugging you is joy
each smile you pass me
growing across my lips

i cant ever leave you
for you are my one true love
our story has no end