from holding hands
and making plans
to leaning in close
and kissing your lips
from laughing loud
and standing in the sun
to me constantly
missing your touch
and then i see you after school
and crash in your arms
and i am so much happier
i promise i wont ever
L E T   Y O U   G O

a box lie open
perched on my lap
with the photos of who i was
and sometimes i wish i could go back
back to those days before i was
B R O K E N

my skin soft and rosie
like the petals of roses
my lips as red and plump
like the petals of tulips
my fingernails yellow and and chipped
like the petals of daisies
and i realize what you mean
when you tell me i look as beautiful as a flower

memories dancing in my mind
like a painful Waltz
dancing in a circle
reminding me of why
i finally left you

sometimes i think its obvious
when i look back at my life
like somehow by being stronger then them
i earned myself happiness
like i had to endure the bad
live with the brokeness
build myself from the ground
so that i would be able to fully understand
the truth about falling in love

i found a love
i never expected to feel
wish that i wasnt too scared to leap
into you arms
i always knew you were the person
that was gonna need
and when we were kids
wish i knew back then
when you would hold my hand
wish i could have seen it then
what we would end up being
you a piece of me
and your right there when i close my eyes

im in my bed
with your sweatshirt on
it still smells like september,
your blue eyes and me wrapped in your arms
and your so beautiful
what am i now
somebody you love
somebody you cant
and you wont live with out
ive fallen for you

all i want is nothing more
then to hold your hand forever more
cause your the one i love the most
and if you love me
will you leave me
i hope you want me
i pray you want me
and all my dreams are
and all my wishes
go to you
because i think that i need you

i expected you not to give up on me
i wish it was easy to forget you
smile as best as i can
pretend that im okay
i wish you hadn't given up on me
thought you would apologize
thought you would come back
because you were a father
but i wasn't the child you wanted

hey have you missed me
its been years since we've talked again
and each time i hear your name i swear i melt away
and every dream i have runs right back to your arms
sometimes when i miss you
i sing a song that we would listen to
wondering if you ever do to
and on the nights when im cold
i remember the way you felt around me
and i realize how much i needed you

the summer before high school
after we had met
i knew id never tell you
cause we weren't even friends
but then when i turned sixteen
we got matching schedules
and now i know that i can call you
at like 2am
talk about our weird dreams
and the places we'd go
and i wished i told you before
i wish i said it before
but now you are my life
i know you will stay
we'll keep all our promises
the world in our own hands

falling can hurt
but not into your blue eyes
trying to sort through these feelings i have for you
and remember the fall
i like to reminisce sometimes
how we built this from the ground up
and now we have it all
we keep this love in our hearts
making memories as we go
and our eyes forever open
time forever moving on
and i know i have you
when you look into my eyes
the way your gaze dances soft and brite
and i will always choose you

guess it true i don't know how to feel with you
but when you put your arms round my waist
i know there's something
and sometimes i ground myself just by holding your hand
and wish we could go back to simpler times
when we could dance like fools with our friends
so dont leave me behind
cause our love is divine
and when you smile i forget to breath
so know your my everything

you call me beautiful,
i am in love
and you make sure i know
i am enough
even when we dance to fast
and i trip on my clumsy feet
you remind me who i am
and you know how much i love you
i think i always tell you
but you make me happy somehow
i wish that you could read my mind
even when you let me stay over
and we spend the whole night together
it reminds me that you love me through the nights
and i swear i won't let you go

you always hold my hand
even if im low
always wipe the tears away before it snows
i think your my lover
i cant let you go
and you always bring your light
when mines blown away
always help me talk
when i dont have a voice of my own
i think your my lover
i cant let you go

your saying that you wont give up on me
you say that like its so **** easy
you see through my best disguise
nock my walls down
and promise im safe
and i believe you
i believe you
you know how to make it okay
and i cant help falling in love
cant help letting you into my heart
and into my mind
into my soul
like your part of my design
and you say a promise
sweetly whispered for only me to hear
you say you wont give up on me

i wish i could see him
but ive been drowning in myself
just pretending im fine
as you tell me that were just friends
i guess the fire in your eyes
burnt out
is this how we end?

life isnt fair
it isnt kind
it doesnt discriminate
from weak to strong
the rich or poor
none of that matters
nobody asks for the pain
nobody asks for the blessings
they just come
and sometimes thats the only thing that keeps us going
but sometimes it leaves us lost in pieces
broken beyond repair
left alone in a lost sea
that someone has yet to
D I S C O V E R

"hold me"
you said
"hold me, i cant stand on my own"
you said
"hold me, cause i'm not strong enough"
you said
"hold me, cause i know you can save me"
and yet you said
"i cant hold you up, because your to broken"
when i needed you most

wishing i could see you
isn't the same as missing you
its just wondering if i could ever
build up the confidence
to finally vocalize
the words that are swimming under the surface
everytime i see you
but i think they will always stay
U N S P O K E N    W O R D S

watching the time pass
as seconds turn into minutes
and then into hours
i realize that im wasting my time
waiting for you

S T E P 1
he smiles at me
a smile i've never understood
we spark a conversation
and it becomes a kind of flow
to step of the bus
and search for his smile
S T E P 2
our conversations become more personal
we relive our pasts
and each savor the moments we spend together
and each brought closer
and then you ask me to be your girlfriend
S T E P 3
you say a word
it has four small letters
but for the first time i believed them
i was surprised that it rolled off my lips
and that i meant it
S T E P 4
we go on dates
we fall in love
we laugh
we go to a parade
we watch movies
and i realize i do truly love you

at first the trees blur past
my life washed behind me
my thoughts washed behind me
but then my body cant handle
i slow to a snail pace and the memories flood in
and sometimes i miss what we had
and others i blame myself for leaving you behind
but all i can do now is keep
R U N N I N G

washes over me in waves
like when I see that shade of blue
Just like your eyes
and i have to sit down
because i become dizzy with memories
of him holding me
and i can still feel his fantom touch
even when were not close to each other
and i realize then that i am
M I S S I N G     H I M

as i breath in the smoky air
falling around me
as you walk into my life
i thought i had missed you
but i've already moved on
if only to allow myself
to walk back out of your life
because with you i quit
B R E A T H I N G

it was never the right time
when i'd hit you up
i kept telling myself i love you
but i was just kidding myself
all of our moments dragging along
cause i still cant tell you
the words that i needed to say
and you hurt me under the surface
and our troubled waters growing cold
i will heal but you wont
so before i go
i want you to know
that this isnt your fault
and im sorry that there's nothing i can say
to stop your hurting
please dont let your mind make you feel so worthless
before i go

i found a boy
he told me i was going to be a star
opened the door
helb me through the dark
and hes perfect on paper
but hes lying to my face
i think he
somehow thinks i need to be saved
and there's someone else
hes from my past
tried to fall in love
but it never seemed to last
because the second i let him in he pushes me away
and i cant fight for your love
if you cant meet me halfway

F A L L,
it is a season
its what we do in love
its how we end ourselves
when we fall in the dirt
when were covered in dust
when the others words wom there way in
and our minds begin to betray
the person we thought we we're
i just wish we hadn't found love in
E A C H     O T H E R

a
feather
that tells a story
written in words
that when my time
came to be i on
ly  forgot to
speak leavi
ng me
br
o
k
e
n

love is a
L A N G U A G E
one i have only just learned to
S P E A K
your words taught me
Q U I C K L Y
even though i fear your language will be my
D E M I S E

our picture perfect memories
pick me up and off the floor
cant help finding myself
looking back on the days before
and i wonder if i ever cross your mind
i miss every thing i up and left behind
sorry to the people i left for a better life
i seems that leaving you behind has brought me
to a place were i no longer find
pain and brokenness left in the tracks i leave behind

"i wish i had something to do"
i say hoping you will understand
"you could always clean my house for me"
you respond and i realize you dont
"whats wrong"
you question half an hour later
"im overwhelmed and i just need to do something"
i whimper trying to avoid the oncoming tears
"its not that big of a deal jesus just go clean"
you respond insensitively
and so i cry leaving the room
"you better be getting up to clean"
you state as angry as you can
"why cant you just understand i'm having an attack"
but you cant you only think i know how to
clean

the spirits lead me through my
D R E A M S
but it seems that my dreams are only to deceive
my eyes and my mind
from the brokenness that lies
I N S D E

like a cloud you are dazed
constantly unfazed
by the horrors around you
to blind to care
if the sun sets
on a broken world

sometimes it feels like
im living in a box
like the cardboard walls
are the things im supposed to live up to
but i can never reach the top of

like a cloud
it fills he room
i sit in a daze
caught to in this smog
but i guess i will always smell your
S E C O N D H A N D - S M O K E

before i met you i never felt good
E N O U G H
before i let you in i was ready to
G I V E   U P
my tears welled up in my
E Y E S
i felt like i had no more
T I M E
and then i let you in
to a world i never
S H O W
and you helped guide me through
every doubt i have
so when i say those words
i really mean them because
I
L O V E
Y O U

he said he loved me
i knew he did
he said he needed me
i knew it was true

so i gave him my heart
let his kindness drip
like candle wax filling
the holes others
had created in my heart

his smile holds a
K I N D N E S S
his eyes hold an
I N T E N S I T Y
that's so soft it surprised me
his arms hold me so
T I G H T L Y
even when i feel like im slipping
his dreams are so
B E A U T I F U L
even when we argue about a family

naive is to young
as grass is to green
if someone taught me this sooner
i think i would have grown happier

smile is to fake
as sky is to blue
i wonder if i learned this sooner
if i would have been able to save you

Fun, go have fun
Fun, you say
as if you don't understand
the second you turn your back
this man you invited into your home
is going to **** away my inisints
Fun, as if allowing him to pay you in drugs
is enough, but i know he will be back
but i guess if this is your idea of fun
then i suppose it is
because i am to listen to my mother
aren't i?

one day when we grow old
i hope i will still have your hand to hold
and as the years pass us
i hope it never comes to pass
that i lose your hand i love to hold

His eyes are the stars
Shining an guiding me through the darkest night
His lips are the waves
Pulling me in and crashing into my embrace
His hands are the sun
Reaching me warming me through the day
His love is the breeze
Blowing through my hair dancing lightly against my skin
His smile is a fox
Coning and brilliant as he zips his way through the trees
His happiness is a river
Flowing through me like its an addition of my soul

i almost think your mad at me
like how you like to say you had it worst
but now you cant
because i was sexually assaulted
like its my fault
like its my bad
like how could i let something like that happen
how could i have gone though something worse
then your parents divorced
but wait aren't my parents divorced to
but no i dont get that crutch
because i was 3
and you were 16

everytime we both break down and cry
and you say you hate me
and you go to bed angry
i pray that it will be alright
cause i know you think im lazy
but its because my mind is so busy
and i wish you could understand my life
cause im still fighting the demons you created
but i know i cant explain to you
because even though your my father
you chose not to understand
everything i've been through
so everytime we both break down and cry
can you try not to go to bed angry
because sometimes i wish you could just listen

when the stars all die
and you leave us in the cold
are we expected to climb
like were in some kind of hole
when the light all fades
and we waste away
what words would you then
begin to say

if i asked you would you even care
because ive wondered for years
but i guess you will never give me an answer
you would rather drag me along
drag my name in the dirt
because you think your a good parent
i was just wondering
if you would give either of us
A N S W E R S

sometimes it feels like im wishing
like im dragging this baggage
and calling it a
D R E A M
like if i collect every wish in a jar
and now they are stacked upon my back
and as my baggage grows heavier i find myself
leaving the more important wishes
B E H I N D
i guess i just wish you didnt put the wait of your
W I S H
upon my shoulders because when you did
i forgot my
D R E A M S

I used to think i was riddled with
W A N D E R L U S T
Moving from one love to the next
One heartbreak right back to another
And each time i felt
L E F T
Behind, like i wasn't worth such time
And sometimes i felt like i was losing
M Y
Self in there cruel words but now it seams
I have found someone perfect for me
Like somehow the universe linked my
S O U L
With yours and maybe soulmates are real after all