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Jul 2021 · 71
Rules
Melanie Jackson Jul 2021
Do not get overwhelmed
If you get overwhelmed you cry
2.dont cry infront of them
They will think your weak
3. Learn to fake smile
They don't care about your real emotions
4. Don't vent to anyone
Our family is perfect
5. Never allow someone to think less
Defend us at all costs except our name
6. If u lie don't get caught
We all have to at some point be smart
7. Never answer questions straight forward
We aren't to be open books
8. Children are seen
But never heard
9. If you brake any rules
You are no longer family we are exclusive
Jul 2021 · 117
Out of control
Melanie Jackson Jul 2021
sometimes it feels like im stuck in a
S T O R Y
like someone is narrerating just above
M E
Like I'm not even in control of my
L I F E
And maybe I'm not maybe I've never
B E E N
But maybe I never will be because of my
M E N T A L    H E A L T H
Jul 2021 · 774
written
Melanie Jackson Jul 2021
written in these walls
are the stories that i cant replace
hidden i these walls
that i wish in could remake
I promise every morning
I will smile like this again
But I've been so broken
I don't even know where to begin
Cause the pain they've caused
Is sewn into my heart
Jul 2021 · 87
My brain
Melanie Jackson Jul 2021
welcome to my brain
i was broke long ago
You can't fix md
Cant help me grow
I was lost long ago
And u won't save me
Because to many have tried
And just like you
They left when things got hard
Jul 2021 · 108
Now your gone
Melanie Jackson Jul 2021
i cant trust him
now ive got someone
But its cold in my heart
so cover me
Because home was a dream
till you came along
But you gave me false hopes
And now your gone
Jul 2021 · 99
Love i needed
Melanie Jackson Jul 2021
love isn't supposed to
come with strings
its not supposed to
be begged for
but i always end up
Wishing you could give me
The love I needed
Jul 2021 · 95
My mistake
Melanie Jackson Jul 2021
I was never enough
And I never will be
You just wanted to use me
And I let you
that was my mistake
Jul 2021 · 72
You cant love me
Melanie Jackson Jul 2021
You can not love me
Though you say you can
You say you can pick up the pieces
You say you can fix what's broken
But you don't realize some pieces
Have been broken for years
Some parts are lost
The most irreplaceable parts
Have been missing for so long
I'm not even sure I could be happy
If somebody was able to fill those holes
Because I've learned to live without it
I've learned to smile When I'm sad
And especially when I hurt the most
So no you can't love me
Though you say you can
Jul 2021 · 1.0k
Write
Melanie Jackson Jul 2021
You love to write
He says in frustration
You do it so much
Just do it now
Like I want to spill my feelings
Like I want to let him in
Like you deserve to see
The words painted on my heart
But you don't
That's something you have to earn
And you truly haven't tried
Jul 2021 · 1.1k
If only
Melanie Jackson Jul 2021
I wish I could
I wish it was easier
But letting go
Of all the pieces you broke
All the pieces I loved so much
All the dreams I wanted
If only I could
Forget you
And take back my light
Jul 2021 · 116
Dear tomorrow
Melanie Jackson Jul 2021
I hate you
You fill me with false hope
You make me drag on
Day after day
Month after month
You keep me going
With maybe tomorrow
And tomorrow's a new day
And it gets better wait for tomorrow
But you never come
You leave me crying waiting
Because supposedly it gets better
By tomorrow but mine never comes
So I just sit wait
And hating
Tomorrow
Jul 2021 · 126
The words i wanted to say
Melanie Jackson Jul 2021
Looking back
I wish I could've seen the end
Wish I was sure I made the right decisions
Because leaving you
Was the worst decision of my life
But maybe I'm right
Maybe we weren't ment for eachother
Infact I know we weren't
I knew we wouldn't work
But there where so many words
I had wished I said
Jul 2021 · 76
Untitled
Melanie Jackson Jul 2021
Your not who I wanted
Your not who I needed
But Your who came
When I was crying in the night
So I guess I will stay
But only for the next few days
Melanie Jackson Jun 2021
I hate the word victim
It's like you are ignoring
All of the surviving a person has done
Like you are looking at the trauma
And saying you are a product of this
But I'm not
It's like you don't want to acknowledge
The fact that we did survive
And don't think your helping
When you say it's not my fault
And in the same breath ask me
why I didn't scream loud enough
Or ask for help
But you will never understand
What it's like to be so manipulated
That your scared to lose your abuser
Jun 2021 · 118
control
Melanie Jackson Jun 2021
i know he doesnt love me
he never did
but when he held me
and spoke softly
like we were the only ones in the room
i felt special i felt included
like nothing would tare us apart
but you couldnt love me
i will never be enough
because what you want isnt love
its control
Jun 2021 · 65
Comfort of sadness
Melanie Jackson Jun 2021
It's that I miss the abuse
Because I don't
But it's days like these
Dark and stormy
When the thunder rolls
And lightning flashes on the sky
Just like the day it all began
Like the small details I will always remember
That I miss the comfort
Of knowing what to expect
Because now that I'm out of it
I can't find order
Or stick to a schedule
It's like my body longs For the abuse
Because at least I knew what came next
May 2021 · 127
love on terms
Melanie Jackson May 2021
you only need my light
when im running low
only say to smile
when my tears flow
only want my love
when it fit your schedule
only miss my dress
when you pull it off
you love me on your terms
not on what i need
May 2021 · 87
i can
Melanie Jackson May 2021
i am strong
i can not be broken
i can be hit
by your cruel words
and i can stand
i can take anything
i can fight through anything
May 2021 · 80
dont dive in
Melanie Jackson May 2021
don't dive in
the waters are to deep
and you might drown
for i look like a puddle
but when you jump in
you realize that you are being
****** to the depths
of the darkest ocean
in our universe
May 2021 · 70
everything
Melanie Jackson May 2021
her eyes held stars
her heart held so much love
she was young in sul
old in age
but you broke her
shattering her little heart
like she never meant anything
she probably didn't
but to me
she meant everything
May 2021 · 455
Comfort of sadness
Melanie Jackson May 2021
It's days like this
When the sky is Grey
And the droplets never cease
Falling from the darkest clouds
That I get caught in my head
Realizing what I'm really missing
I miss the comfort of being sad
Because at least then
I knew what to expect
Even if it hurt
At least I could control the outcome
But I keep reminding  myself
Not to slip down that *****
Because then I would be gone entirely
Apr 2021 · 119
ive been broken
Melanie Jackson Apr 2021
im still flawed
im always here
behind the fear
that locks me up
ive been broken
ive been hurt
and on days like this
everything just makes it worse
and im sorry
im dont mean to be hard
im so sorry im the bother
you dont want around
Apr 2021 · 82
my body
Melanie Jackson Apr 2021
my body is a temple
not for you
or any of your friends
not to be objectified
or stared at
not to be passed around
or seen by anyone
that i don't chose
i am strong
and my body will always be mine
Apr 2021 · 77
I love you
Melanie Jackson Apr 2021
I know
I can be hard to love
And I see
How much you love me
And sometimes
I wish I understood why
And I get
You say I'm all you need
And I think
I should just believe in you
But my heart
Always fears the worst
So please don't think I'm cold
Please don't think
I mean to be distant
Because inside
I love you
Apr 2021 · 330
I see you
Melanie Jackson Apr 2021
I see you,
When you cry
Or when you feel lost
Each time you get turned around
Each time you can't see
The light at the end
Of this dark tunnel

I see you,
When your smiling
When I remind you
your not gonna lose me
When you finally listen
And find your light

Just know I'm here
I always will be
And I see you
Mar 2021 · 125
Im proud
Melanie Jackson Mar 2021
I'm proud to call you mine
Infact I do
Every chance I get
I'm proud to say I have learned your mind
I have begun to understand you
like no one else can
I'm proud to show you off
And I d o to each of my friends
I'm proud to say I'm inlove with you
Because I know I can rely on you
When my emotions get the best of me
And so I will always be
Proud to call you mine
Mar 2021 · 100
My heart
Melanie Jackson Mar 2021
My heart beats for you
It longs to be closer
It longs to be in your arms
I love you
And miss you most
On days like these
Were my heart longs
For you the most
But this is what happens
When a heart beats for another
Mar 2021 · 80
I love you
Melanie Jackson Mar 2021
I love you
In every way I can
Every piece of your personality
Makes me smile
Even if I don't yet understand it
I smile even more when you teach me
Like how to fix lights
Or what a part of a car is
I love how smart you are
But nothing could match your kindness
And so I just need you to remember
I love you
Mar 2021 · 100
The truth
Melanie Jackson Mar 2021
Grey skies turn to blue now
My eyes turn to stars now
And I'm in love
We are nine clouds high
And I know we won't fall down
We don't need to hide
We let our feelings show now
I don't mind telling you the truth
Because the truth is
I love you
Mar 2021 · 124
A home
Melanie Jackson Mar 2021
I never ment to find you
Infact it scares me that I have
Your kindness
Your pure heart
The way you look at me
Like I'm all you will ever need
The way you smile like
I'm the only girl in your world
You are safety
Something I struggled to find
And in your arms I've found
A home
Mar 2021 · 88
i miss you
Melanie Jackson Mar 2021
my skies all turn grey now
my eyes become rain clouds
and im happy
im so happy
its been months
its been six months
since we came together
and i wish you'd call
because its been three days
and i find myself missing you
more then air to my lungs
each time i hold it too long
Mar 2021 · 110
its raining, its pouring
Melanie Jackson Mar 2021
its raining
its pouring
its four in the morning
and you just crossed my mind
and i really need you here
its raining
its pouring
my head is imploding
and i dont want to leave this house
but i really miss you right now
its raining
its pouring
my eyes are over flowing
and im overthinking again
i hope you think of me now
its raining
its pouring
my world keeps on spinning
and im stuck in place
i hope you dont mind helping me escape
because im a mess
Mar 2021 · 182
i love you
Melanie Jackson Mar 2021
if i were to wonder
even for a second
even for a moment
if im at my weakest
at my mind struggles to see the notion
of you
and of me
and this love we have made together
please just hold me
tighter than you've ever
closer than you have ever
and whisper in your deep kind tone
"i love you"
Mar 2021 · 91
happier
Melanie Jackson Mar 2021
i see that you look happier its true
i hope one day i get there too
all this time i was watching you
and i hope i find love like you
and you look happier its true
Mar 2021 · 90
january snow
Melanie Jackson Mar 2021
sometimes when the nights are dark
and the stars are hiding
i think about you
wishing i could understand
why you left me
standing frozen in the icy air
waiting in the january snow
Mar 2021 · 319
darkness
Melanie Jackson Mar 2021
you fell in love with what
i let you see
but this has never been the real me
i let you see my true heart
and you stayed with me
while i crept through the dark
you held my hand as the sun shined
and now its my turn to
change your life
and help you through your darkness
Mar 2021 · 495
thin white lines
Melanie Jackson Mar 2021
we grew up on
pretty thin white lines
but now there breaking apart my life
splitting what i need and want
throwing me
int this sea of sadness
this sea of broken
if only i knew how
to slip through the lines cracks
Mar 2021 · 107
always with
Melanie Jackson Mar 2021
how can you miss someone
when your with them
cause i need you know
but you cant feel it
and hope you see me soon
because im in my head
how can i miss someone
that im always with
Mar 2021 · 126
lost in my head
Melanie Jackson Mar 2021
im in my room
with our song on
i still feel like your arms are wrapping me up tight
im in your heart
but i cant see you
and theres no one to blame
for the pain that i worry i will cause
and your not here
not today but i need you most
when i get lost inside of my head
Mar 2021 · 125
giving up on me
Melanie Jackson Mar 2021
you say that you wont give up on me
but for you that be so **** easy
and you say that were okay
so i put on my best face
even when you say im not perfect
even if i dont need to be
why cant i swallow my pride
when you look me in my eye
and tell me that you do not think
that she is so pretty
but she is the reason that
im giving up on me
Mar 2021 · 129
end of my time
Melanie Jackson Mar 2021
every day that the dawn rises
i find myself celebrating
as another day passes
because at least i made it
this far
making me this much closer
to the end of my time
Mar 2021 · 134
I love you
Melanie Jackson Mar 2021
When I say I love you
What I'm trying to tell you
Is that no matter what
This world throws at us
It won't shake me lose

When I say I love you
What I'm trying to say is
I will fight the biggest battle
The strongest monsters
Just to hold your hand

When I say I love you
What I want you to know is
I am here through this timeline
And through the next
So I wanted to let you know
I love you
Feb 2021 · 93
Stay
Melanie Jackson Feb 2021
His eyes hold oceans
His lips hold seas
His heart holds a kindness
That I'm so happy he shares with me
His laugh holds dreams
His words hold wisdom
Some of which I could never speak
I'm just so glad he shares
that wisdom with me
I'm so in love with him
I just hope he knows
I'm here till the end of time
I will stay in his life
Feb 2021 · 491
Songs in my head
Melanie Jackson Feb 2021
At first when we met
I danced to my own beat
To my own toon
That whistled in my ears
But then as we kept talking
Kept growing closer
You became the song
That was evermore stuck
Dancing on the walls
Of my head
Feb 2021 · 624
will you
Melanie Jackson Feb 2021
will you be there
when i say good night
will you be there
when i break down
will you be there
when im crying
and my vision goes blurry
when my love is over run by pain
will you be there even when im not okay
when my brain takes my smile
with flashes
with broken images
will you be there
to hold me when i need you most?
Feb 2021 · 122
golden boy
Melanie Jackson Feb 2021
you overfill my senses
your touch like a feather
brushing on my skin
you smell like bitter rain
and sweet cologne
you look like kindness
and love
your eyes hold stars
when i look at you
i realize your my
G O L D E N       B O Y
Feb 2021 · 108
His ocean
Melanie Jackson Feb 2021
He is an ocean
Even though some people see him
as a puddle
But they don't pay attention
Because underneath the top layer
That he's built for protection
He is deep
He is vast
With many undiscovered cracks
Unnoticed cracks
That lead in deeper
But it is only through love
Only through kindness
That he even opens up
And little by little
he will show you all his beauty
Feb 2021 · 98
My home
Melanie Jackson Feb 2021
He's like early mornings
When the sun starts to rise
And there's just enough frost
For the grass to look golden

He's like the late night ocean
On the outside calm
But bursting with life on the inside
And each time you get past a layer
You find more and more
differences from that calm

He's like the best thing that could happen
Especially to me
Who had thought that men were all the same
But when I look in his eyes
I end up finding my home
Feb 2021 · 104
The weightless nights
Melanie Jackson Feb 2021
Its funny
I've been noticing
On the nights
That I'm supposed to feel the most weight
The most sadness
I don't because I stare
At those misty blue eyes
And that smirk
The one thats only been captured
In three of the pictures I have
That they bring enough comfort
To lift my sorrows away
Feb 2021 · 242
What its like to crash
Melanie Jackson Feb 2021
Sometimes I notice it
When the walls get to big
And the world distorts
When I'm crashing to the earth
When the world is thruming
Pulling me under the universe
And other times I can't
Sometimes I lay
In pieces on the hard wood
While my mind rushes away from me
And crashing through
Like a meteor to the ground
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