they sit on my skin
with whirling purples
deep blues
mustard yellows
dark browns
colors mixing
like a painting
that lies just beneath
the skin
a man
who never loved me
left me these
to solely
remind me
that i was never wanted
i was a mistake
and i'm reminded
during his often
drunk fits
the alcohol
seems to control him
more than he
could control it

my head gets lost sometimes
inside of itself
the colors mesh together
the voices blur
andi look at my life
from the passenger seat

what am i doing here
why did i come here
i have been  smoking
i have been drinking
i have been looking for a reason
to my life
i feel like i'm not doing this right
the minute hand
keeps rolling around our clocks
i love watching my life from
the sidelines
feeling there in the moment
yet lost in my head

sit quietly
put your hand down
no question is dumb
except that one
don't look at that
focus on me
your opinion is wrong
who told you that
you were aloud to
have an
dont talk back to me
if you defend yourself
you will be suspended
don't answer when i ask questions
keep your thoughts to yourself
you know nothing
this is my subject to teach
don't act like you know the answers
it doesn't matter if
you already know this
don't work ahead

i'm alive
but barely living
i've survived
but i'm barely surviving
i sit all alone
but barely feel lonely
i walk with others
but barely talk
i live with a family
but barely feel loved
i have friend
but there barely friendly
but that's the life
of the barely living

home
the place i come back to
but at home
i dont know who i am
so i leave home
to find myself in the real world
but i should've never left home
because now im forever on my own
and i miss you home............

long crystals frozen
on tops of roofs
the snow coats
the thick green grass
christmas lights
hang limply off trees
the people are joyful
i fake a smile
and say im happy
but deep inside
the thought of you
eats away at me

wait a minute
can we just stop
the clock from
ticking
on and on
the hands turn
you hold me close
but you will soon
be gone
so can time stop
so you can
hold me
just for a few minutes
can we please
stop the clock

im lost in my head
were is the  real me
she loves to hide
and when shes gone
i take over searching for her
i don't know how to feel things
but while shes gone
i must do my job
im  at the bottom
but i dont know
what my problem is

i regret watching my
trust issues eat me alive
and at this rate i'm never
going to heal in time
i can't escape them
not even when i die
so i will sit alone with my
trust issues

physically abused
that's one thing i don't want
to remember
its not blurry
i think i just don't
want to see it
you used to put me in the corner
to watch the fear in my eyes
then you brought me downstairs
to beat me till
i screamed and i cried
wish i could forget this
but its rooted deep inside
congratulations cause you'll
always have a place
in my mind

the tiniest lifeboat
filled with people i know
the people who hurt me
the people who broke me
on the tiniest lifeboat
filled with people i know
the people who broke me
the people who hate me
on the tiniest lifeboat
filled with people i know

save yourself from
the pain i caused
save yourself from
the broken pieces
save yourself from
the mess i create
save yourself from
the things i have done
save yourself from
the person i have become
save yourself from
the walls i build to high

i sit in a room
with a parent i barely know
addicted to the pills
scent of cigarette
you promise you will come
but then a minute before
you have some crazy excuse
they say the high is fun
im not laugh am i
but you didn't care
you were to busy
popping your pills
but you left us behind  
those pills got you
didn't they
cause you cant stop
popping your pills

a box of memories
some good
some bad
a shoe box full
some sad
some joyful
a box of what i can't remember
some painful
some lovely
a shoe box spilling over
some heart breaking
some heart mending

once again
i tried to hard
to pull you in
and now im scared

your tongue
spoke lies
your humor
was quite dry

but once again
i broke myself
on a hopeless sliver
of how you spoke

your eyes
were dark
your lips
were soft

never did i think
you would leave me
here in this dark

here i sit
at a table of wood
listening to you
your lectures long
and i don't learn
my eyes move around the room
trying to make out
the reason i need to know
things like
writing essays about short stories
how to use a 3D printer
and algebra
yet you cant teach
taxes
money saving
and how to live in our world
these are skills i found i need
but you cant prepare us

here he stand a hopeless boy
on this bridge with a lake
bursting full of orange coy
he looks up praying for a break
my eyes met his
the sorrow disappeared
as his hands slipped
as he fell back
tears popped from my eyes
i knew then he was gone
splash as he hit the ground
and all i could see was the
bridge

isn't it lovely
sitting here alone
isn't it lovely
listening to you yell
isn't it lovely
seeing you in pain
isn't it lovely
wasting my life away
isn't it lovely
crying every night
isn't it lovely
in this empty house that feels full
isn't it lovely
seeing happy faces around me
isn't it lovely
fakeing my joy
isn't it lovely
feeling my heart break
isn't it lovely
laughing through my pain

isn't it lovely
the questions that i ask you

faster and faster
don't trip up
don't slow down
don't slip up

roots pop up
and weave through
dont catch your foot
or you will fall too

dont look back
it will only slow you down
dont give up
though your heart pounds hard

my heart beats fast
the concrete is cold
my legs feel like lead
the air is bitter
my head burns
the blood is hot
my feet are throbbing
the footsteps get closer
my shoulders are heavy
the roots stick out of the ground
my foot catches
the mud fills my mouth
my chest heaves
the footsteps stop next to me
my eyes squeeze shut
the breeze is calm
my hands push up
the sun sets slowly
my legs won't lift
the footsteps were a man
my shirt pulls around my neck
the man drags me to my feet
my feet slips from under
the man picks me up
my legs swing quick
the man grunts but he still hangs on
my head feels light
the man smiles sinisterly
my mind goes black

I stand in a room
With a glass window
I look straight out
And see a bright blue                                          bird

Its wings are ruffled
Its beak is broken
Its claws are raw
But still it sits                                                      on a

small brown wooden
piece of branch                                                    
That it may call
A cute little                                                    perch

Drip drip drop
Water leaks
From a low saging celling
Of old rotting wood
Drips onto the floor
Of light brown wood
With large dark knots
With warping and rotting
Long strands of bright green
Ivy crawls through
A window broken in
With yellowing shards
Sitting restlessly
On the floor
The hard sent of dust
Fills the air
Mixed with a slight musty tang
The room is huge
And though empty
It seems full with
all of the words
I could have said

jars are full
peaches and apples
smiles are seen
laughs of the children
then like a knife cutting through the wind
silence in the trees
not even a mouse scurries
the wolfs are hungry
the wolfs are angry
the wolfs will feast
on the children's  
bones and blood
the wolfs don't care about the summer
the one they planed
the wolfs care of only one thing
and that's there stomachs
that rumble hungrily

pants on backwards
bedhead life
messy bun
pain in head
hangover naps
shirt inside out
everyone's been there
on the walk of shame

you don't know
and i dont always say it
i know i don't make it clear
you don't understand
and i don't say it
but you are my roots
you are my soul
you don't know
how much i need you
maybe i should say it more
because i love you
and you need to know
what you mean to me

most people see me as
a happy person because
i laugh easily,
i smile a lot,
i joke a lot.

but deep down
in my heart,
i am fragile,
i can get hurt easily,
but i choose to not
show it to the world.

instead of being sad,
i choose to laugh to cover it.
maybe you can call me
"the queen of the mask"

by this,
you can tell
that most of the time
when I'm laughing,
I'm not really laughing,
i was trying so hard to hide
my sad

She stood on the bridge
In silence and fear
For the demons of darkness
Had driven her here

They cut her heart
Right out of her chest
Making her believe
That the demons knew best

They were always there
Sometimes just out of sight
Waiting in the background
Till the time was right

These demons were destructive
Knocking down the life she knew
Hating everything about her
She hated herself too

These demons can't be seen
But they're far from fairy tales
They live inside your mind
Their evilness prevails

So on the bridge she stood
About to end the fight
Then she stopped and thought
I'll fight them one more night

they think were deaf
they stare
they point
they laugh
they think we don't know who they speak of
they speak
there rude
they act as if were nothing
why ? you may ask
were dramatic
were crazy
we love recklessly
but we hear
we know
thus the reason
our pillows are soaked
with tears and the warmth
of a broken dream

you hurt me
but im still here
you scared me
but i will survived
you stole my innocence
but i will rise
before i was afraid
but know i fear no more

you broke my heart
but im not dead
you killed my dreams
but i can make more
you haunt my mind
but i can forget
before i was afraid
but know i fear no more

it is sad
that some people
aren't waiting for
there happy
ending anymore
there just waiting
for the end