the things you
S T O L E
weren't mine for you to
T A K E
and for that you are a
T H I E F

the names i go by
often change
but the
N A M E S
you call me
will stay with me
F O R E V E R

i float in a boat
it sits low in the water
it slowly is filling
with the raging black ocean
and i am just watching
while it rises to my throat
and up my nose
until finally i
D R O W N

like a
D R E A M
i let you in
but like a
D R E A M
you left me looking for
A N S W E R S

maybe one day
i will find a man
who can for me
be another
Y O U

if you see  the girl
i used to be could you
tell her im trying to
F I N D   H E R
and if you see the shell
that's left of me
could take the time to spear a little
K I N D N E S S
cause i've been
H I G H
and i've been
L O W
i've spent a thousand nights
A L O N E
trying to hold on tight
to something that was never
M I N E

am i
B R O K E N
am i
F L A W E D
do i deserve a shred of
W O R T H
or am i just another fake ******* up lost
C A U S E

am i
H U M A N
or am i
S O M T H I N G   E L S E
cause im so scared and theres
N O   O N E   T H E R E
to save me from the
N I G H T M A R E
that i call
M Y S E L F

into the
N I G H T
you and i run
hands hold
E A C H O T H E R
eyes hold our
dreams as we
run for the stars
we may find ourselves
upon a pedestal
that stands quite
close to the
M O O N

a
perfect
pearl upon
my cheek a spa
rkling gem sits just
under my light grey
eyes

you took my heart
H E A R T
into your hand
you swept up the
A S H E S
into your  palm
placing the
P I E C E S
back in there spots
and for that i'm always
G R A T E F U L

sometimes u could hear a pin drop
in between the awkward silence
other times i would hear their screams
when they thought i was asleep
arguments over little things
that never really mattered
sometimes i think they just wanted the
F I G H T

in a room full of people
yet i feel like im the only one
H E R E
the people talk
and laugh during their
C O N V E R S A T I O N S
yet i cant seem
to start a conversation with
A N Y O N E
here it feels like
i will be forever
L O N E L Y

you sit next to me
only a few feet between us
and yet even though your so close
i feel like you are
W O R L D S     A W A Y

i may be hurt
maybe even
B R O K E N
but tonight
i put my trust in
Y O U
my hands in yours
my heart on my
S L E E V E
tonight you and me
we are forever
Y O U N G

some days i feel like a
F L O W E R
the petals are my
C O N F I D E N C E
the petals red stained with my
B L O O D
the leaves green with my will to
L I V E
the stem rising high to show my
G R O W T H
the buds the pain i hold
I N S I D E

the things that you
S T O L E
i will never forgive you for
the person i was seems
L O S T
in some kind of transit
i can't help feeling the
P A I N
that you inflicted on me
and yet somehow i still
B L A M E
myself

today in my life
many years ago
was they day i lost hope
that are people are good

today in my life
many years ago
my mother took his money
willing him to do what he wished

today in my life
many years ago
i could still feel the burn of the
bruises tat he placed on them

today in my life
many years ago
i closed my eyes tight as if it
could make him and the pain disappear

when i was a young girl
i was scared of growing
O L D
i didn't understand it
but i was terrified of
L O V E
felt likei had no choice
now i know it was out of my
C O N T R O L
i wish someone would have saved me
i was going crazy on my
O W N

i just i can feel it
i can feel his hands
i can feel his nails digging deep into my skin
the bruises that rose to the surface still hurt
my lungs burn because im gasping for air so sharply
that it almost feels like he is still there
like his grip is still around my neck
like my mother's voice still laughs in the corner
like i'm still focusing on the black fuzz that stains that mattress
trying not to focus on the pain in  my stomach
and i hear people
they say not to blame myself
but i can't help feeling that's maybe if i had just put up stronger defenses
maybe if i had done something to protect myself
i would never have been in this situation
like if i could have screamed a little louder
pulled my wrists from his grip a little harder
maybe i could have saved myself from being broken
but instead i feel
like my body is in a slaughterhouse
and like a pig i was cut  open and savaged for any man who
could pay the right price
i shake like a small dog and barry the truth
and i get what they say i get i cant blame myself
but i don't see anywhere in any place where this isn't my
fault
and all i want to do is cry
but us survivors we are supposed to be strong aren't we
but when does that kick in
when does the sour feeling
that is stuck in my stomach leave
i still feel like my body isn't mine

oh your eyes
the window to the soul
but his where blank
each time he
R O B B E D
me of the things a child
a young lady
should not lose
at such a young
A G E
i tried to always focus
on those cruel
E Y E S
as if i could find
the slightest  bit of
S Y M P A T H Y

tomorrow is an
A N N I V E R S A R Y
the memories cloud my
M I N D
his smile
his dark eyes
the tears i
C R I E D
seeing myself
curled in a ball
holding my stomach as
P A I N
serged through not only
my body but my
M I N D

here we sit hiding
F E A R
between my teeth
my eyes dart
S E A R C H I N G
for a key
or maybe a code
anything that i could
use to open these
D O O R S

still alive but barely
B R E A T H I N G
just praying to a god that i dont
B E L I E V E   I N
im focused on the
C L O C K
cause ive got time to count till my
F R E E D O M
the things i say summon these
W A L L S
they say i should stop and put my mental health
F I R S T
i stare wide awake my brain wont let me
S L E E P   IN
what am i supposed to do when the walls cave in
A N D  MY
identities fly thru
A N D  W H O
am i supposed to be when everything i have seems to be
L O S T
and my self control is seeping

you keep them
you tell them
but what kind of
S E C R E T S
do you try and keep
are they
C R U E L
do they hurt the person
or are they the kind that
the two of you
S H A R E

i find myself standing around
playing with my keys finding reasons not to
L E A V E
driving just a little to
S L O W
taking the longest way
H O M E
in this world i found myself existing
A L O N E

one day i will get a
B O A T
and on that day i will
S A I L  A W A Y
to lands i have never seen
T R A V E  L
through mountains and
F O R E S T S
there i will start my new
L I F E
one that s full of
HAPPY
days and months so that i can
F I N A L L Y
learn what its like to truely
S M I L E

can you see what i see
open your sheltered
E Y E S
to the things people do
like the
M A N
that lives down the street
yesterday you saw a young
G I R L
you assumed it was his
D A U G H T E R
and paid her no attention
but she wasn't

can you see what i see
open your pretty
E Y E S
to the things people do
like the
W O M E N
down the street
that teenageish
B O Y
who you rumor to always be high
is only because she forces him
because if she goes to jail so will her
S O N
but you paid
him no attention

W R I T E
the words
you wish to hear
W R I T E
the songs
you wish are real
W R I T E
the stories
you need to share
W R I T E
each memory
that haunts your soul

i can feel my veins
just under the skin
but at least when i feel
my heartbeat it reminds me
that i am still very
A L I V E

they sit in the corner
some are filled
some are
E M P T Y
but each is significant
having some painful
or promising contents
what do you keep in
Y O U R
bottles you don't have to say
maybe one day
me and you can empty our
B O T T L E S

you found me
in my darkest times
you held my hand
and walked me to the
L I G H T
in you i found two things
i had never seen in my life
in you i found
T R U S T
and one beautiful
F R I E N D S H I P
and for that i will always be
G R E A T F U L

like a
T I T A L
you print it on every page
making it longer as times go on
using last and even middle
yet whenever i say mine i feel so
L O S T
like its not really mine
like someone's
just filled in the line
but it never feels
like its truly mine
whenever i see my name
its like im staring at a
B L A N K
line

cruelty comes in many
C O L O R S
this was the first lesson
that you ever taught me
your eyes looked so kind
A N D
you acted so nicely
but that's what confused me
because if you acted so
NICE
than what were you hiding
i try to understand you
but don't get how a person
C A N
be such a good liar
it was almost like
you were a master at
D E C E I V I N G

everybody has to grow
OLDER
even lexi only 19
young and naive
wants to find a way to be
TIMELESS
fight the science
in deviance
but she grows quick
and passes young
the graveyard fills
with rain from her tears
washing her casket away

help
four simple letters
help
yet i wait so long
help
for those words
help
to grace my lips
help
four letters close
help
written together
help
please now that i can say it will someone
help

somewhere in america
there's a girl
being felt up in the subway
shes still in her uniform
that's part of the appeal
its hard to
R U  N
in a skirt and mary janes
and her teachers know it is too
somewhere in america
a girls trying to find
the perfect prom
D R E S S
well im looking in the
lost & found
cause winter's coming
and that's the only coat
i have
cause mommas working
for the government
momma only gets paid once a
M O N T H
somewhere in america

goodbye
see you later
I  LOVE  YOU
bye
see ya
o the many ways we said goodbye
I  MISS  YOU
i wish you
were near me now
the tears that stream down
o the many ways we said goodbye
I  H A T E  Y O U
i never want to see you again
your words sting
how could you say that
when just a month ago
you loved me
but know your gone
o the many ways we said goodbye
i hated the last one the most

i clench my fist
holding my jaw tight
his hands travel lower
"is this alright"
i want to say no
but i can't move my lips
i turn my head
not wanting to meet his eyes
i let his hands travel
just a bit farther
he says i can say no
and inside i want to
but i let him pull me down
my back on the
satin sheets
they wrap around us
engulfing our body's
tears well in my eyes
as i push him off me
my heart sinks
i look at him and shake my head
the only words that i could say where
im sorry i cant

is there anybody out there
looking out for me
just say you want me
just say you need me
is every last solder
******* me over
cause i feel alone in this battle
broken and damaged
killed by a savage
brain fights
reaching for a lifeline

i see the kids
who get awards
for things like
perfect attendance
and best grades
but why not an award
for working the
night shift
cause momas adicted
and daddys gone
moma cant work
cant be sober long enough
so tell me
why don't they
have an award
for keeping your family
off the streets
i come in late
and all you do is scowl
but you don't know
what its like
working from six to three
for less than minimum wage
i dont to math homework
because im to busy  
doing taxes and paying bills

the stench is strong
the  cigarettes
burn in the tray
my eyes burn
as i strain to see
in the smoky haze
the hunger
in my stomach grows
but the fridge is empty
i chew on my gums
allowing the hunger
to subside
the door opens
i stare at the floor
my eyes fearful
he walks in
i plead in my mind
for someone
anyone
to save me
my eyes flash
as his hand
strikes my face

the morrow in which we rise. cyanide in the muzzle of the saint bernard sea A one man cult though of course a soft harmonious tune of luminescent ink must remain present in time.


a room
with a
locked door
and pastel walls
i sit in the corner
the door bangs
the knocks of
family
friends
people i should want
in my life
yet
i don't
the comfort
found in my isolation


A bathe in bleach; mat on the ground. I've began stories most fun. arsonist of the claw i must ask our lovely raven why must i take part in this so. they've ridiculed me tearing my wings to which I turn to the burrows of skin inhabited by maggots and tar. a melted candle pierced with rusted nails. the keyhole will tell



my head
in my hands
the tears
pouring from
my eyes
my heart
softly braking
i could
turn to alcohol
but then
i would be
my father
i cant smoke
cant stand
the smell
and so
here i sit
turning
to the only thing
that ever
helped me
get through
the isolation

his crown leans off the side of his head with sunken eyes he's consumed every bit of light he sees. of night is to day the sparrow wouldn't hesitate to call the end of me.