i stare in the mirror
my reflection
U N C L E A R
the snow is falling
outside the window, making the
F U T U R E
wash away
alone in this room
my heart will eventually break
but that is to waite
i don't want to get
A H E A D
of myself

once in awhile
my days drag on
i feel like they
D R A G
me along
people say its a bad day
but what about the bad
W E E K S
and even the months
there are times were the days
turn into uninterrupted periods of simple
B A D   D A Y S

who's
B L O O D
is this?
staining my hand
who's
B L O O D
is this?
when i come to
who
C U T
my arms?
this wasn't my doing
was it?
I   H O P E   N O T

Says the girl
With a bright red lipped
S M I L E
She always looks happy
She always looks
P E R F E C T
Just waiting on the day
Somebody asks her how life is at
H O M E
Because if you asked her that
She’d say well she would say
That home is just like walking on a pool of
E G G S H E L L S
If you brake to many you'll fall
She’d say you don't know what lifes like when that curtains
C L O S E D
“Daddy always tells me
He's trying to act
T O U G H”
But she’d say he
Treats her more like he wants to
C U T   H E R  O F F
And if you asked about her momma
She’d cry from the
S T A R T
She was cursed by her parents
Never felt real
L O V E
And so
H E L L O
Says the girl
With the red lipped
S M I L E

W E L C O M E
those who are happy
i'm sorry i can't be like
Y O U
i wish i could
and maybe one day i will be
H A P P I E R
but until then please
come to my page and read my broken
W O R D S

inside my soul
lives a burning
C O L D
i try to use heat
but i cant seem to
H E A T
me up

in the lightness
i felt your
D A R K
it wrapped me up
and held me quite
C L O S E
and for awhile
you even convinced me that your
D A R K N E S S
wasn't bad
and that it could save me from my own
L I G H T

sit on the floor
in an empty
R O O M
tune out the voices
try not to
H A L L U C I N A T E
because if you do
let them drag you
U N D E R
you will wake up in a world
with absolutely no
S P L E N D O R

i am the girl
that everyone
K N O W S
i am hiding behind a
M A S K
you will see me as the
H A P P Y    G I R L
you cant see inside my
M I N D
in fact no one can
no one sees my many
L A Y E R S
i wish for help
but no one hears
because you laughed it off
after all im just the
H A P P Y    G I R L

today i had a
P H Y S I C A L
post traumatic stress disorder
A T T A C K
for those who don't
K N O W
what it is i will
E X P L A I N
its a memory that the
B R A I N
has not processed so its separated into
P A R T S
like the sounds, the emotions, and the physical
F E E L I N G
that is in the category of a
P H Y S I C A L
post traumatic stress disorder
A T T A C K

if we never met
i think i would be
D I F F E R E N T
i think i might be a little
H A P P I E R
but i also think i wouldn't be so
S T R O N G
you may have temporarily
B R O K E
me but i am learning and growing and becoming
B E A U T I F U L

who are
Y O U
do you let your
P A S T
control yo or do you have
P O W E R
over the soul that has always been
Y O U R S

does not hold you
it has no
P O W E R
over you
over the body
that will always be
Y O U R S
no matter who or what
tries to take that from
Y O U

i found
M Y S E L F
explaining this to the kids
some from group
H O M E S
some from broken
F A M I L I E S
there eyes dance with the
E X C I T E M E N T
from the idea of a place called
H O M E

if you close your
E Y E S
will it make the pain go
A W A Y
if i dont think about
I T
did it ever happen to
M E

the system is
R I G I D
please don't slip
U P
because if you do i
F E A R
that they, the
O F F I C I A L S
may come back just to
K I L L      Y O U

S M I L E
it makes you look more
P R E T T Y
S M I L E
it makes you look more
Y O U N G
S M I L E
it makes you seem
H A P P I E R
remember to
S M I L E

1 pill
2 pills
3 pills
one more
take them everyday
we cant fix you
so take these
everyday we will
S E D A T E    Y O U

isn't it funny
when the world falls around
Y O U
isn't it funny
when the things crash around
Y O U
isn't it funny
when your life ends
S L O W L Y
isn't it funny
when the world ends slowly
and the people around you
D I S A P P E A R

today i turn
S W E E T   1 6
a special day for most
but never for
M E

like a
S T A R
i shine so brite
up in the sky
on completely clear
not cloudy
N I G H T S

here i sit
close to the ground
and like a tree i will
G R O W

i wish it didnt
H U R T
so **** bad
i wish i could have
A V O I D E D
this completely
i wish you didnt
H A V E
to leave me

i deserve
B E T T E R
than what
Y O U
treat me im a queen
but your no
K I N G

they say were
C R A Z Y
but they dont see the tears we
C R Y

form on my cheeks
just like
D I M O N D S
i shouldn't cry for you
but i cant help when i do
is when your words hurt the
M O S T
like when you finally said
G O O D B Y E
like to you i meant nothing
but these are not your
T E A R S

sometimes i stand tall like i cant be
B R O K E N
sometimes i slouch with the wait of the world on my
S H O U L D E R S
but when i was with you i felt like you were my
H E R O

what is
L O V E ?
its quite a funny
T H I N G
falling isnt ever
P A I N F U L
but falling out leaves you
B R O K E N
i wish i could say i never loved
H I M

hold my hand
because i need you
N O W
but you leave me behind
left in your rearview
M I R R O R
and now all i have
is the remnants of your
G H O S T

the things you
S T O L E
weren't mine for you to
T A K E
and for that you are a
T H I E F

the names i go by
often change
but the
N A M E S
you call me
will stay with me
F O R E V E R

i float in a boat
it sits low in the water
it slowly is filling
with the raging black ocean
and i am just watching
while it rises to my throat
and up my nose
until finally i
D R O W N

like a
D R E A M
i let you in
but like a
D R E A M
you left me looking for
A N S W E R S

maybe one day
i will find a man
who can for me
be another
Y O U

if you see  the girl
i used to be could you
tell her im trying to
F I N D   H E R
and if you see the shell
that's left of me
could take the time to spear a little
K I N D N E S S
cause i've been
H I G H
and i've been
L O W
i've spent a thousand nights
A L O N E
trying to hold on tight
to something that was never
M I N E

am i
B R O K E N
am i
F L A W E D
do i deserve a shred of
W O R T H
or am i just another fake ******* up lost
C A U S E

am i
H U M A N
or am i
S O M T H I N G   E L S E
cause im so scared and theres
N O   O N E   T H E R E
to save me from the
N I G H T M A R E
that i call
M Y S E L F

into the
N I G H T
you and i run
hands hold
E A C H O T H E R
eyes hold our
dreams as we
run for the stars
we may find ourselves
upon a pedestal
that stands quite
close to the
M O O N

a
perfect
pearl upon
my cheek a spa
rkling gem sits just
under my light grey
eyes

you took my heart
H E A R T
into your hand
you swept up the
A S H E S
into your  palm
placing the
P I E C E S
back in there spots
and for that i'm always
G R A T E F U L

sometimes u could hear a pin drop
in between the awkward silence
other times i would hear their screams
when they thought i was asleep
arguments over little things
that never really mattered
sometimes i think they just wanted the
F I G H T

in a room full of people
yet i feel like im the only one
H E R E
the people talk
and laugh during their
C O N V E R S A T I O N S
yet i cant seem
to start a conversation with
A N Y O N E
here it feels like
i will be forever
L O N E L Y

you sit next to me
only a few feet between us
and yet even though your so close
i feel like you are
W O R L D S     A W A Y

i may be hurt
maybe even
B R O K E N
but tonight
i put my trust in
Y O U
my hands in yours
my heart on my
S L E E V E
tonight you and me
we are forever
Y O U N G

some days i feel like a
F L O W E R
the petals are my
C O N F I D E N C E
the petals red stained with my
B L O O D
the leaves green with my will to
L I V E
the stem rising high to show my
G R O W T H
the buds the pain i hold
I N S I D E

the things that you
S T O L E
i will never forgive you for
the person i was seems
L O S T
in some kind of transit
i can't help feeling the
P A I N
that you inflicted on me
and yet somehow i still
B L A M E
myself