I can feel my heart grow warm
Your words to me shouldn't do this
A simple "goodnight" shouldn't make my heart smile
The ease of this relaxes me
And it's a huge relief

Stick to your guns
If you don't
You're ******

If I were a guy
Would it make life easier?
I often wonder..
More people would accept me
That's for sure
Because I wouldn't be a sin in people's eyes
I'd be able to flirt with any girl
Not just the gay ones
Because girls date guys
That's the normal thing as the majority goes
I could wear my baggy jeans
And cut off all my hair
And no one would stare at me
It would be normal
I would be normal
I'd fit in
If I were a guy
I wouldn't have to worry about the things I worry about now
I could get married
And have kids
I could just relax
More opportunities would open up
If I were a guy
All the stupid ******* would disappear
No more whispers going by
"Was that a boy or girl?"
And all I can think is
"***.. I'm human. Does my gender really matter that much to you?"
And why?!
Why should it even matter
You should treat me the same regardless
I'm a good person
Just because I'm a girl that dates girls
Doesn't mean you have the right to get up all in my business
So my heads ****** up
Deal with it
Just be glad it isn't happening to you
I mean,
Don't get me wrong
I'm proud to be gay
But some times it's hard
Like when ignorant people say we cant get married because we're the same ***
Now that bothers me
It doesn't make sense whatsoever
Love is love
That's the simple part
Why the hell are there even laws about the same *** not being able to get married in the first place
What's that have to do with anything
Who cares?
Like why is it a big deal
I've never figured it out
The government has much much more important things to do
Why do they waste their time making rules about what gays can and can't do?
People say God is the reason
But **** that
You go and cuss up storms
And say that God is the reason gays can't get married
You go and judge the **** out of every person that walks by
And you say that God is the reason gays can't get married
You go and cheat on your wives or husbands
And say God is the reason gays can't get married
You go and drink till you puke and get angry and beat on people
And you say God is the reason gays can't get married
You go and make all these mistakes
And you say God is the reason gays can't get married.
Like if you're gonna stick with God about that then stick with him for everything else
Don't be a **** and a hypocrite
Seriously, quit making up excuses
Let people live and quit worrying about everyone else
Because honestly you should be more worried about yourself
Anyways...
Who doesn't find girls attractive?
Come on
In all honesty
I don't want to be a guy though
Because that would be contradicting
It might make life easier
But it only leaves me wondering
How different it would be
Better or worse?
My head would probably still be ****** up
And I don't like wieners
And if I had a wiener
I'm not sure how I would feel about it
I'd probably want to have surgery to be a girl
So in all actuality
I don't really have a gender
I don't like being a girl
And I don't want to be a guy
What else is there
God probably didn't know what to make me
So he just went eeny meeny miny moe
And girl is what happened
You should see the differences in how people treat me
I've tested it
I'll dress girly one day
With make up on
And go walk around the mall
Smiling faces look but don't stare
People are nice to me
Polite
They say thanks and excuse me
People open doors for me
Or hold them open for me
But heaven for bid
Someone open a door for me when I have baggy jeans and a hoodie on
All hell would break loose
People don't smile at me
People stare with confused eyes
You can't see my cleavage so you're going to be a ****
Just straight up rude
I do not understand
I DO NOT!!
I don't like how this world works
There are too many stupid rules
There are too many people who **** things up
There are too many things that could be so simple
But too many people make everything more difficult than it should be
I wish things could be more relaxed
Everything is too up tight

Seeing that I'm sitting here crying
Proves to me how deeply I still care
As much as I say I don't give a ****
That's just honestly so unfair

To me and to you
I can't even face my own truth
I lie to myself over and over
I'm unconscious to my own youth

I hide everything I can
Until it all gets too much
I reach the lowest low
To where I flinch at every touch

My hearts been locked away
So please don't bust it out
I'm not ready to say a word
Because all I'll do is pout

When I think about talking
And all the things I should say
I clam up tightly
And tell everyone to go away

But that's not helping me you see
My emotions are strained
When I feel what I feel
It just can't be explained

I've somehow convinced myself
That's there's something so wrong with me
Something so incredibly awful
That I've thrown myself out to sea

Lost in the darkness that suffocates me
No hope in finding my way back
Seems like I'll be stuck out here for a while
Struggling with a heart attack

I hate opening myself up to the world
Even if that world is just you
Pestering you with my doubts and denials
Doesn't seem to make do

It doesn't help at all
Because my words don't make sense
If you could only see
Just how ******* intense

I apologize too **** much
For something I can't even explain
All I ******* know is
That I'm tired of the pain

Is it wrong to test people?
Or is that role already taken by God?
Because I think it's the only way to really get to know someone
Or see who they really are
God knows who we are
Because he tests us
Over and over
And if I have to play God to get to know you
Well, I'll do just that
It can go one of two ways
I'll either watch you succeed
Or I'll watch you fail

Just about everything I do
I do without permission
It pretty much turned into
A habit like condition

I guess you can say
That I have a big ambition
I'm eager to surprise
And accomplish my mission

Making people feel special
Is my own competition
And when it works out
It creates a huge suspicion

In or out
Name my condition
I need the ticket
For your admission

I want to be apart
Of your audition
Lets see what we can do
You're the magician

With hands so kind
Such smooth transition
Please show me to
Your favorite position

Can you handle a joke
Before intermission
I'm really only looking
For the cuddling edition

Hold me tight
With the right repetition
I want to ask you
To be my addition

It worked once
But it won't work again
What are the chances
I didn't even think it would work the first time

A rough path it was
I walked through time
From end to end
I had to climb

I saw where we stood
On the corner of the block
I was so scared
To finally talk

My apologies to you
As you cracked a smile
Your arms around me
For a long while

But as the journey goes
I approach a new year
On another block
Is where I appear

As our evening walk
Comes to an end
I am proud to say
You're more than a friend

You speak to me in a way
Where your body does the talking
It says I don't want to be alone
And so we kept on walking

A walk to your door
Under the porch light
You fear for me
To walk alone at night

But as the journey goes
I approach a new year
A time where we froze
As the night grew sincere

It was close to Christmas
And we laid on the ground
I could tell that you wanted
My hand to be found

It took you a long time
To actually confess
And if you hadn't
I would've never guessed

But as the journey goes
I approach a new year
This time I go back
To a time that was dear

We laid in the grass
And goofed off for hours
You actually dared me
To eat some flowers

And then one night
You pulled me down
Behind a building
With no one around

Your hand goes there
And makes me still
Never have I ever
Had such a thrill

But as the journey goes
I approach a new year
I walk alone
Only to hear

You shout my name
Loud and clear
I turn and see
You running near

Into my arms
You hold on tight
The perfect hug
It feels so right

I wish you'd stay
But you have to go
I had feelings for you
I want you to know

But as the journey goes
I approach a new year
Everyone knows that
Softball seasons here

I watch from behind
As she makes her way
Our eyes meet
With never a stray

She jumps into me
And I catch her flight
Her legs wrapped around me
And squeezed so tight

She never really knew
That I liked her a lot
I felt like I
Didn't have a shot

But as the journey goes
I approach a new year
Walking on the tracks
You tell me your fear

You tell me your story
And with that I know
Your trust in me
Will surely grow

You keep going
Until there's no more to tell
And I'm pretty sure
For you I fell

But as the journey goes
I approach a new year
I should hold close
Those ones so dear

But that's the thing
With time and math
We all have
A different path

You lead yours
And I'll lead mine
And in the end
We'll be just fine

Going to the store
To pick up a few things
When I hear on the radio
A guitar's strings

Into the song
A guy's voice sings
My heart stops beating
For memories it brings

Forced to change the station
Can't bear it any longer
My head starts to hurt
Can't get any stronger

Out of the car
And into the store
That same ****** band
I have to ignore

On the speakers above
My old memories flow
Why are they your favorite
I really have to know

They drive me crazy
Everywhere I go
There they are
On the radio

All I want
Is to get away
Because we both know
You don't want me to stay

So these lyrics
That they say
Make me think
About the day

It was a shock to me
How you threw me away
Now this band
Is so cliché

They bring bad thoughts
And with those I miss
The soft tender taste
Of your warm sweet kiss

I do not like to be reminded
Of the things I have lost
Exercise the mind
Only to exhaust

With this band
I am still connected
To everything we've done
And what was expected

I thought you loved me
But I was rejected
We had everything
Right and perfected

I just wish
that I could forget
All the pain
And all the regret

I don't want to hurt
Or be upset
I am still glad
That we actually met

But knowing that you
Might still be mad
I can't live like this
With you being sad

I hope you've moved on
And don't hold a grudge
Because I'm not quite there
I really need a nudge

I'm sorry things didn't work
And that I wasn't the one
So I hope next time I see you
You don't have a gun

I still feel this ache
A hole in my chest
And it doesn't help
That I dream about you
Every night
The look on your face
You were on a bus
And you looked back
Through the window
And caught me looking at you
From inside a café
You saw me from that far away
Like there was no one else around
You looked so surprised
But hurt
Broken
You stopped that bus
Like you needed me
Needed to talk to me
You found me in the café
But the look on your face
Is what I remember most
Those blue eyes
It makes me so sad
These dreams **** me
Because its a mixture of emotions
The good times are expressed
And then I get those looks from you
And it hurts
I'm still not over it