Spectrum out your rainbow
Honey you aren't all bitter
Bittersweet is life they say,
I'd say sour too like a half-squeezed
Rotting lemon and yet
There is a flavor to it
And on a good day it all tastes
Like a crisp watermelon
Sweet and delightfully juicy
Mixed with some salty self-acceptance
And sheer spice of crossing the rules
Non of this fits into a word
Only those dreading are resentful
Fearful asked to simplify
Contain the world into
A plastic TV box - lets play
Pretend we saw everything there was
Like it isn't what they fed us
So we can sit in this miniscule puddle of an ocean
Disappointed that life is getting boring
Sending love notes someone else wrote
To petty universe
Dreadful changes, get away!

Smallness crept inside
Wormlike string of fear
At the face of the grandiose
Grandeur, something
You wish could entangle in between
All your gaps supporting
The thin walls of crushing unimportance
And as it squirmed inside
You stomach empty and raging
It filled you with despair
Urgency to escape or to be
Held and cradled
By this enormity of everything
Most of which you will never see
Inside were thoughts
Bouncing off the walls
Meaninglessly sinking in
And dripping out
Just as meaninglessly
What are they in the face
Of endless repetition
So glorious and terrifying
You could breathe it in
Feel it, write it out, sculpt it
Or take care of its smallest bits
That fit into your grip
Tiny you are
Tiny I am
And all of them to come
Just as tiny-tiny bits of
Comparative insignificance
Yet like the molecules of matter
We hit each other's trajectories
And butterfly's wing governs the ball
So, good night dear insignificance
I thought of you today
Between every other blink
And on the big scale
It hardly even happened
Yet thought was most alive
In the universe of my
Petty mind
That never happened before
And will never exist again

Through fog and sullen thoughts
I move on I don't stop
Through limitations
I break free I leap off a cliff
I fall backwards to see the sky not the fear
Crashing or flying is not up to me
I am moved and I follow
Crazy and enlightened are two words
To describe refusal to follow
I sense and I comprehend
Not your words,
I can touch your intentions
The tender fragility behind the
Shell of impervious
Behind bravado of the narcissus
So small and shallow so afraid
Of seeing empty staring back from
The mirror reflection
No, I'm no better
I fear the void I fill it
To the brink like a pointless hobby
Feeling the ultimate
Does not help to shake off my humanity
Limitations everywhere reflect
The fear I carry like a favorite keepsake
Too human to let go

Agitation twisting thought pressing
Inside my temples swirling pain
Of uncertainty something to endure
Overcome without giving in to the doubt
I need a reliable honest shoulder
Lost my objectivity somewhere on the way
Reality feels boggy and the hearing dulled
To the call I heard some time ago
Doubt everything: you, me, truth, air, purpose
Simultaneous wish to fall apart into pieces
And to run in the direction felt as ultimate
Fluidity of perspective is the only truth
Mainstream thought is an enemy
My mind perceives as mystery, can't see it
Feel it, need it, respect it
Yet living in seclusion is my greatest fear
I see everyone around me
Yet so confused inside myself

When reality bubbles up and
Bursts into myriads of sparkly
Particles disintegrated because
Your core cannot hold them together
By the thread of meaning
What is left of experience?
Does letting go of predictability
Inside the dome of your inner sky
Lets you fly kites
Or threatens with annihilation?
When I look into another set of eyes
I am so often afraid to see
The bottom, small bits of depth
Scattered around thin like dust and last year's
Crumbs, or desire to elevate
By the thread of illusion
Above someone at least,
Someone who would allow,
Because inside the hollow space holds scale,
A chest of fear and a guard called shame
I am afraid to see
Seeing is one thing I cannot hide
Punished by it over and over again
Naively and stubbornly, I refuse to use it
Connection hurts those who lack the chip
They demand, unaccepting
Why can't you be like us?
Follow the rules we know?
I try not to look at them,
Preserve peace of their dream
Where connection never existed
The food that sustains my spirit
I can't see them, your rules
lost instructions, lost in translation
deliberately, even in the native tongue
I wish to escape this world
To find the truth that sticks
Yet love holds me close to earth
It expands and multiplies
Grows as it gives,
I wish to offer everything there is
Of me, and dissolve
In the chain of destinies
Craftful creation of some
Universal pattern

Can't hold the fury at the lost child
Banging at my door long and desperately
Looking at me with a glimmer
Of spite in her hungry eyes.
Come in, dear, have some tea
I am hungry too, not a solitary creature
Not too strong, in and out of utter confusion
Feeling pull of something behind the clouds
Not sure what, I know you disbelieve
So do I, but then I feel the presence
Your presence speaks of mystery
More than any bible ever written
I look down the wells of your eyes
And I find my tears
I hear them in your breath
It pains me, truly, pains to
Know how small I am
To change what needs to change
Not even myself
Cannot dull the need to look
At strangers' eyes a second too long
Ask a question a word too heavy
I like your honesty, your sincere
Sarcasm, thoroughly felt and deeply sad
I know it's there, I feel your sadness
And if you can believe me for a second
It is the taste of meaning, salty like pain
You have it in you,
Not the emptiness I could not forget
But the search of an honest reflection
Ability to truly see another set of eyes
Intelligence peering through a mask
Of damaged heritage
I lack the words my girl,
Insufficient blather
Not mad, I accept you
Exactly as you are
And all I wish for
Is for you to see me as I am
And if I you wish to leave
The door is always open
As it will remain

Meek your *** dear
Weak thinking dear
Limited as a ruler
Trying to stuff what
You don't get into a box
Too small, hoping
Maybe held in a pocket
It will be easier to
Comprehend
By the brain too tired
To be open