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 Jan 2016 L
embla
Untitled
 Jan 2016 L
embla
"Things change," but ignorance remains a constant.
 Jan 2016 L
Rj
For My Saftey
 Jan 2016 L
Rj
There's a point when the welfare of others begins to take its toll on you
When the wellbeing of someone is more important than yourself

You have to love yourself enough to stop
You have to love yourself enough to say no
You have to love yourself enough to realize
It was hurting you, and the whole time it wasn't okay
You have to love yourself enough to move on
 Jan 2016 L
embla
chest pains
 Jan 2016 L
embla
i can't touch my temples
without
excruciating pain

i can't draw in a breath
without
pounding pain in my upper chest

i can't pull myself out of a chair
without
my legs feeling weak and jelly-like, unreliable and about to buckle

i can't walk down the hallway
without
everything spinnng, spinning, spinning oh how disoriented i am

i can't lay my head down for more than a second
without
my heavy eyelids forcing themselves shut and my brain cutting off

i can't
focus
concentrate
motivate myself

i can't get through the day
without
exerting every bit of the fragile energy in my body i have that day

every day is a chore
every day i have to push and grapple with symptoms upon symptoms that will not go away and continue to increase in number

each day i collapse on my bed and force back leaking tears
caused by
the constant pain and aches that overrun my body
caused by
the inability to want to do anything other than sleep to rid myself of this neverending fatigue
caused by
the mental fog that just won't lift

i can't stop shaking
from
this constant anxiety

my body is breaking itself down
and i
i am helpless to stop it

i am
i am
i am

i can't
i can't
i can't
 Jan 2016 L
Rj
Lifeless
 Jan 2016 L
Rj
Only at that moment were my eyes hollow, empty
If you were to look inside you would have seen nothing
Only at that moment did I ever feel lifeless
No more
 Jan 2016 L
M
latticework
 Jan 2016 L
M
When your heart stops beating, or loses its ability to pump blood to itself
the doctors put in a stent. And so, as pieces of your own self-sustaining
***** go to die, they are replaced by more and more
latticework. These tiny structures allow you to breathe, yes
they allow you to keep yourself alive. But what do you do
when pieces of your own sacred heart no longer belong to yourself
and they no longer pump blood the way they were born for
and no one told you that survival would come at the price
of everything that made you who you are- that this pointless
synthetic division would leave you a cold restless machinery
because you were scared, a little bit, too scared to be honest with yourself
too scared to even know you were scared so you stopped your heart
from pumping itself and gave the job to something or someone else
you made your heart a building, a high tower from which you cannot escape
rather than the core of who you are, it becomes a prison put in place
cement and steel blocks to keep you safe from the dragon but
the true danger is what became of you, you who gave up everything
to keep yourself alive, you whose heart no longer pumps blood
like a living, breathing human who shouts and screams and loves
whose heart no longer means what Aristotle and Jesus Christ said it means,
you whose heart now does its job, and that job only. You're me.
inspired by a doodle I drew in math class. Don't sacrifice your freedom to love for anything, especially not the chains of habit, expectation, and sin. Don't sacrifice your freedom to be human for shackles that you think are necessary or proper.
 Jan 2016 L
embla
listen up
 Jan 2016 L
embla
Leave me to flounder, and I'll leave you in the dust.
Make no mistake about it.
Arrogance costs you.
 Jan 2016 L
embla
All I've Ever
 Jan 2016 L
embla
Yeah, it's all I've ever known, but *it's not all I'll ever have.
Far from it.
 Jan 2016 L
embla
break
 Jan 2016 L
embla
I was always warned that boys would break your heart, but no one ever told me that friends can break your heart too.
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