If ever the internal chatter threatens to cease
and the Clear White Light begins to encroach;
if the nail-biting, jaw-grinding, hackle-rising clamour
starts to give way to the humming tranquility of Truth,
where boundaries dissolve
and language lies in redundant, grateful sleep

Some internal reflex snaps me back into distraction,
relentlessly revs the engine
and spray-paints ugly slogans across
enlightenment's helpless face.

I used to resent this, and see it as a weakness.
Now I am profoundly grateful.
It's not the unfettered truth I couldn't bear,
it's the moral obligation to share it
when the dawn rises on another normal day
and you carry the burden alone
through careless crowds, wondering
what the hell
you're supposed to do with it.

Can you hear the claps?
Take a bow everyone
Standing ovation
for today's outstanding performance
let the curtain falls
hear the midnight calls
Good night to all

Innocence and full of hope
Quickly became disparity and anguish
Nothing left, sold some dope
Miracles were needed, not a wish
Sleepless nights
Sickness began to start
Tunnels continue with no lights
Conscientiously loosing heart
Parental disconnection
Being alone and the one
Purity vanished
Gone farther than "just kissed"
Cupid doesn't like resistance
But we had no chance
2.5 years of a roller coaster
Then I lost her
Learned who I was
Living in a sobriety buzz
Dagger to the heart
Found a poetic art
Going across the country
It's more than just a dream
Not just a quick scheme
And finally doing it for me

I think I knew I was gay when
I started to notice girls more than
guys or when
I started drawing them more frequently or
Seeing them in my dreams.
The excitement of just
One kissing scene in a movie with
Two girls just gives me this...
Thrill.

I still think that maybe I'm just
Bi,
Not all the way gay but
I can tell that I lean towards
Girls than guys more and
I think I like it
Better that way.

As I walk through the valley I'm the shadow of death,
I keep myself together with every waking breath.
I make it unknown to everyone who I truely am,
no one will ever know the emotions I cram.
Some say i don't understand,
That I don't get it,
That I don't understand you,
Well I do, I see you, I know you, I get you.
I've been where you are,
I've walked through the valley and back up again,
I've slept alone with my thoughts in a den,
I thought it would never end.
Day after day,
Year after year,
never shedding one tear.
I stayed strong through the worst,
picked myself up when i was about to burst,
I've let love go when my lust had thirst.
I am the shadow in the valley of death.
I may look like im the angel of life,
no one needs to see the black cloke i wear,
they just see my smile and short cut hair.
Well groomed, teeth clean, smelling good,
no one relizes there is something below,
a second skin, lying within,
waiting to be let out to show my real self.
but until then the angel of life is here to stay,
to tell you your beautiful and great.
Even the shadow inside me knows its not to late,
to show you what I see in you,
to rewire your battered heart,
to give you a new start.
to tell you that your not stupid,
that your funny and cute and deserve cupid.
I'm hear to listen and help,
even though you think I can't
I'm going to try my best.
Not as the shadow of death,
but the angel of life,
to give you happiness in every breath.

If your mind is in the right place,
a wound that keeps dripping is just an annoyance.

Blood on my lips because I opened the beer bottle lighter style
with a cheap blue steal knife
that mistakenly snapped off the glass with the cap
and left edges that are sharper than they look.

I sipped anyway,
and now my top lip is bleeding like a geyser
but it doesn't hurt.

The only problem is someone else might see it and think I'm weird.
Which is the same **** problem as always,
except usually I don't actually bleed.