Three months have passed.
I can't say I'm still where I was back then,
but I can't say I've moved much further either.
You, on the other hand, are miles away from "us".

You've moved on, and so have I.
Then why do I still miss you when I go to bed at night?
Why do I think of you when I just wake up?
Why do I get butterflies in my stomach when we talk?
Well, not really butterflies.
Maybe moths or larvae since the feeling is no longer pleasant.

You have him. I have no one.
I have nothing but my pillow, my pen and my words.
They tangle up in psychodelic dreams and wicked poems.
None of them making sense, much like me in this world.

Illusion is broken. Hope far, far gone.
Our promises gone with the wind.
I drown in a mask I built for myself to hide from my demons.
If they don't finish me, this mask sure will.
There's no win.

So who wins in a breakup?
The one who moves on faster, or the one who does better?
Maybe the one who does both, and, dear, that's not me
because I've moved on, but *I can't forget how to love you.

Some people say angels walk among us.
I never thought it would be true,
until just a couple minutes
I saw her. I have found proof.

She was sitting in the train.
She waited to arrive to her destination.
As I admired her beauty, I prayed for her destination to be mine, but it was all in vain.

She stood up, and headed for the door.
I cried inside. This must be wrong.
The most beautiful angel had appeared before me,
and I let her go.

I couldn't ask her name.
I couldn't get her number.
I couldn't have a chance,  but I got something better.
I have proof.

As I drink a warm cup of coffee on a cold day I sit back and think about us.
How I used to wait for you to get back home so we could spend a couple hours together, chatting our worries away, before I had to leave until the next day.
How we managed to make Skype seem naughty.
How we longed to be finally together someday.

It was never easy living an ocean away, but we sure tried our best to make it work... and it did.
We found love in the strangest place, and we couldn't be happier.
You made me smile. I made you smile. It couldn't get any better than that.
But all good things must come to an end someday.

Nothing lasts forever, no matter how much we promised each other it would.
Things change.
Mistakes are made.
Hearts are broken.
Tears are shed.
In the end it's all a part of life we all dread, but must face sooner or later.

As I gaze at the fire, consuming the wood in a divine dance of death, I realize that it was all for the best.
I wasn't the one you loved in the beginning anymore.
I hurt you so many times it was only right to end it all.

I apologize for all the pain I caused you, and wish you the best in this future without me.
You'll do better this way.

For me, I'll just be happy as long as you are.
I learned to be another me, the best me I can possibly be, and it's all thanks to you.
Now it's time to make my life away from you, even though I'll miss you.
I now know things had to be this way, but I wish we hadn't said goodbye before we met.

I wanna write new poetry,
but words won't form new verses.
Random phrases cross my mind,
but none bond together to make sense.

Maybe it's the stress of exam week.
Maybe it's my personal problems.
Lack of inspiration or a muse.
I overthink my verses too much.

Why can't I write about fantasy and love,
or maybe about a struggle for inner peace?
Why can't I find a piece of emotion
to let myself go in a sweet melody?

Could it be because she left me?
Could it be the cold weather?
What's the reason I can't rhyme?
Is it that I need more time?

In the end here I sit
typing these words untrue
for I just wrote a poem
when I didn't think I could.

Rain falls ******* the window
producing a distinctive little sound as it hits.
No stars to wonder upon to.
No moon to brighten this night.
Just the dull gray of clouds crying out their pains and worries.
I wish I could do the same.

Truth is I can't cry for you,
for to me this is not over.
Has it even started yet?

Titles were asigned; "boyfriend" and "girlfriend".
Did we ever get to that point?
Sure, it was nice, but, somehow, it wasn't as real as I wanted it to be.
No contact.
No actual dates.
No first kiss.

Now, don't get me wrong.
I do cherish all the moments we spent together.
I really did, and still do love you,
but I want this to be more than a so called reality.
There's still a long road for us to walk.

Is there really no chance for a new begining?
No chance for reality?
I only need our first kiss,
even if it's our last.

You blasted into this world running free to be yourself.
You needed no sanctuary to hide away from this strange world.
Please, remember tomorrow for we will all be sad,
because you're no longer with us. You've traveled to another life.

You were like a prodigal son, but not one of the drifters.
Not another children of the ******, invaders to this realm.
Yet life wasn't easy, it trapped you in an iron maiden,
thus you became the prisoner by the number of the beast.

Now you're gone, but it wasn't the killers who took you.
No murders in the rue Morgue put you in your own purgatory.
Don't think of this as an innocent exile or a total eclipse.
22 Acacia avenue awaits for his favorite client.

No need to run to the hills.
There is no twilight zone.
You lived by your true self
so hallowed be thy name.

I found myself on a cloud.
Surfing the skies with the wind on my hair and life in my veins.
I knew the trip had to reach and end, but I never knew when.

And so the day came when the trip ended.
The cloud just vanished under my feet, and I fell,
and fell,
and fell,
but just as I was about to hit the ground
a strange force kept me from it.

I wasn't moving.
I was just levitating.
Not in the sky anymore, but not dead either.

Numbness surrounded me.
A cold chill invaded my body, and I shivered.
I was gently laid on the ground, and lights went out.
Darkness.
Silence.
Not a sound was heard. Not even the beating of my heart.

Suddenly a bright light pierced my eyes.
When I could see again, a feminine silhouette was drawn before me
yet I could not see who it was.
She lent a hand.
I grabbed it, and she helped me up.

She spoke to me in the sweetest voice.
Singing like a choir of angels.
I felt safe again.

She wrapped her arms around me.
Her skin as smooth as silk, her touch as protective as a mother's.
I was safe again.

She flashed a smile,
but then it all faded to black.

I woke up... alone.
No one near my hospital bed, but something caught my eye.
A "get well soon" card next to some flowers in fresh water.

Again I felt warm, happy, alive.
My journey had reached it's end, but I was safe again.
It was safe to begin a new journey.

Forever and always.
The promise we made,
but who would have known that forever had an end?

I won't say I hate you.
Truth is I don't.
Why do we promise what we can't do?

"I love you forever and always (while it lasts)."
The phrase was there, but left untold.
Now I know this is as far as it goes.

Now go. Don't look back.
After all it was you who decided on this.
I won't stop you. I couldn't even if I tried.

I'm fine. Don't you worry about me.
I'm still there if you need me.
Just call my name.

No hard feelings. No regrets.
I really did love you forever and always...
while it lasted.

Sadness.*
Emotions so empty they hurt me no more.
I look for an exit. The meaning of life,
yet I find nothing more than this lonely room and my thoughts.

Have I ever been happy? Will I ever be?
Is there a new tomorrow? Is today even real?

Nightmares hunt me even while I'm awake.
Demons, witches, death and ghouls.
Staring at me crying in a corner,
with nothing left to hold on to.
No memories, no links to reality. Nothing.

Tears roll down my face
frozen by the cold in my heart
(if you can even call that a heart).
A heart once strong, but now so fragile
threatened to break any second.
It pumps blood no more.
It has no beat.
It's yet another ornament in my hollow body.

Darkness all around.
In my head, in my eyes, in my ears.
Ghastly figures dance around me, feasting on my fears.
Feeding on my insecurities.
Growing stronger as I grow weaker.

This torment I cannot escape.
The doors and windows have been long gone.
Not even death will fulfill my wish to leave
for there is no more death for me.
I've died so many times it just feels like waking up again.

Despair. Anxiety. Emptiness.
The last shine of light has gone...
the smile beneath it all.

*Fade to black!

SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, baked beans, SPAM, SPAM and SPAM.

As this year reaches its end
there's a couple things I wanna say.

This year for me was full of change.
New school. New friends. New city. New everything.
Of course this was hard, but I had my reward:
met some great friends,
went to places I had only dreamed of,
and I even met her. Yes, the one.

I can think of a couple things that let me down,
but for the things I got it's not worth a tear.
Too many good things for too little bad things.
Seems like a fair trade to me.

I still miss my old friends though. My family too.
I miss the laughs, the anecdotes and all the memories we share.
I promise I'll soon be with you all once again,
just wait for me.

And then comes her.
She's the one who made this the best year for me so far.
I wasn't looking for her, but there she was,
ready to come into my life, and make it so much better.
Thank you.

So all in all this year has been kickass.
I might have complained a lot throughout it,
but in the end I was just being a *****.
I loved this year, and I can only hope the next one is as good as this one was.
Ohh, and wish every single one of you to have an amazing year too.

From the heart, I love you all.
Thanks, and happy new year.

December 21, 2012.
A day feared by many, mocked by some, and ignored by others.
To me? It's the end of this world.
This world where I live in constant paranoia,
in constant fear of not being able to achieve what I've set myself to.
Fearing I'm not good enough. Just expecting everything to fall into place.

Will she still love me in the morning?
Will I make it through today?
Will I survive the sleep?
That kind of things.

To me it's the end of this world.
This world where we see hunger everywhere we look.
Poberty in every corner.
Racism. Intolerance. Unfounded hatred towards others.
Aren't we one same race? Aren't we part of the same planet?

Killings. Bullying. Barbarism. Carnage.
And you call yourself a superior being with the capacity to reason?
Not only do you **** your brother but also your home.
To me it's the end of this world.

December 21, 2012.
The date I will make a change on myself.
The mayans didn't predict the end of the world. They predicted a new beginning.
Embrace it. Live it. *Be it.

Lets start to make this right.

I'm sorry I didn't tell you at first.
I'm sorry I took my time.
I'm sorry I'm not your age.
I'm sorry we're apart.

I'm sorry we barely talk now.
I'm sorry you can't see me smile.
I'm sorry I haven't kissed you yet.
I'm sorry I sometimes make you mad.

I'm sorry I think of you all day.
I'm sorry I dream of you all night.
I'm sorry I whisper your name.
I'm sorry I can't get you off my mind.

I'm sorry I love you so much.
I'm sorry you are my life.
I'm sorry I'll never let you go.
I'm sorry I fell for your charm.

Blood on my hands.
A scream choked in my throat.
The moon in the sky gives me comfort no more.
My bed empty again. One more night alone.

You didn't say goodbye. They wouldn't give you the chance to.
They just took you away, so far away.
There was nothing I could do.
I screamed your name.
I cursed their guts.
I cried myself to sleep so many nights.
Still, you were gone.

Now I know crying won't change anything.
It's time to make my move.
Stand up to the monster that dared do this to us.

"Why can't they understand?
Is it so hard to believe?"

I will look for you.
I will fight for you.
I will bring you back home where you belong,
to be together one more time... 'till the end of time.

I won't surrender this fight, even if I have to give my life.
It's not a life without you anyway.

Baby, I'd carry you in my arms.
Take you to a place where there's no harm.
No words that burn. No looks that ****.
Just you and I and this love we share.

Baby, I know things are not easy.
Getting harder everyday you grow hopeless,
but, baby, trust me when I say there's so much more of life you have yet to see.
Please let me be the one to show it all to you.
Please, don't give up hope.
If you do, I'll do too
for my hope is you.
My happiness is you.
My life is you.

Get back on your feet, as weak as they feel.
You can still stand, baby. Never surrender the fight.
As tough as it may be I'll always be with you
to help you get up,
to prevent you from going down,
to fight by your side until we win,
because I know we will.

I'll never let you hit the ground.
No! Not even once.
I'll be the extra strength you need
if you can't find it in your heart.

So trust me, baby. We can do this together.
I'm always by your side,
and, even when you're too weak to stand,
I'll carry you in my arms.

So here we are, dying a little bit more with every second that goes by.
Wishing we could live longer to see how this world recovers itself from all the wounds we've inflicted upon it... but we know that won't happen.
Dreaming of another tomorrow, where we can laugh and enjoy the sunlight.

We all know how this ends...

But as long as I live I shall fight!
Fight for me. Fight for us.
For nothing is over until the last grain of sand drops.

I may not succeed, but, if I fail, at least I tried.
And, who knows?
Maybe I will accomplish something. Maybe things will change.

We will never know if we don't try.

So here I am, dying a little bit more with every second that goes by, but not giving up.
I will make this place a better place for you, for me... for us.

Everyday, when going to school, I always sat behind you on the bus.
I could hear what you talked about with Megan (boys, pop stars, glitter and pink... you know, that kind of things).
I would listen to know what to talk about with you, what you liked, so you could like me back. Oh, how I liked you.
I really liked you, and, even though we were young (13 to be exact), I knew you were the one.

Years went by. We grew up. You got even more beautiful while I got... well, not better.
Guys would follow you around everywhere you went. How I wish they all disapeared.
I was still too shy to tell you, to let you know what I had been feeling for years, since we first met. And one day I did.
I put on my nicest clothes to school. I put cologne on. I even got you a bouquet of roses, and I went to school convinced to tell you what I felt for you.
Much to my surprise you told me these exact words: "I've been waiting for you to tell me this for years. What took you so long?".
I couldn't believe my ears.
The most popular girl in school, the prettiest, was telling ME that she liked ME back.
I mumbled. I stuttered. I choked on my own words.
Luckily you knew what to do.
You leaned over to me, and kissed me, with those sweet, smooth lips of yours. I was in heaven.
A kiss so warm, so passionate, so full of love. I could never forget that kiss.
So we started going out. We would go to the movies, to the mall, for a cup of coffee or for a nice ice cream.
We didn't care where we were as long as we were with each other. We were happy... oh, so happy.
Until that fateful day.
You were over at Megan's. I was with my friends.
My phone rang, and I picked up just to hear your voice, that sweet, comforting voice I've always liked, turned into an awful, saddened weep.
You kept repeating "I'm so sorry.". I asked what was wrong, but you'd only say "I really am so sorry.". Then you hung up.
I drove over to Megan's, but you were already gone.
You left a message for me with Megan though. "She said to leave her alone. Don't call her. Don't look for her. Don't even talk to her in school."
I was devastated.

Not sure of what was going on I went to your place, and there you were, crying... in his arms.
I should have known from the way you smelled like him. The way you were away when I talked to you.

I rang the bell. When the door opened it wasn't you but him.
I said "Hi. Is Amanda home?", and proceeded to break his nose.
He threw a punch at me, and missed.
I hit him hard in the stomach, and then his head. Out cold... and bleeding.
You were screaming. Panicking.
I walked up to you while you walked away from me.
You eventually got cornered up, and sat on the floor crying, asking "What do you want?".
I crouched, and asked "So, is he a good guy? Does he know how to treat such a treat like you? Is he better than me?"
No response. Only weeping.
I got up, and headed to the door.
He was still waiting for me there, laying out cold on the floor.
He was so vulnerable, so I kicked him in the head. I kicked him so hard his spine actually snapped. He sacrificed himself for love.
I turned around to see you shocked. Horror flooded your eyes.
You were shaky, you couldn't stand, you couldn't speak. You were lost in the situation.
I walked up to you again. This time you did get to say, or actually, scream "Get away from me!".
"Ohh, but I only want to comfort you for your loss. This must be a great hit for you." I said as I wrapped my arms around your neck, and hugged you.
You fainted.

When you woke up, here you were, in my house.
You said you had made a terrible mistake. That I was, and would always be, the only one for you.
I forgave you immediately. You know I just can't live without you.
And so here we are, still together.
We've been through the worst, and now we've only got our love to live because I'd love you even after you're gone.
You'll always be with me.
When I kiss your dry lips. When I touch your cold skin. When I see into your empty eyes I know I will never have to kiss you goodbye.

Life was never easy for me.
Away from mommy and daddy I grew almost alone,
but then you came to live with us, and everything got worse.

You said mean things to us, specially to me.
You nagged about it all, night and day.
                                                            ­                Did we ever do anything right?
You told me I was worthless,
never loved,
just a burden to all of you.

You laughed about these scars.
                                                          ­             Did I ever tell you it was you who caused them? Wait... I did!
You called me crazy, a ******... mentally deranged.
                                                       ­        Do you understand what depression is? I do now.

During these years my hatred towards you grew and grew.
It got so big I couldn't take it anymore.
I plotted your death many times in my head.
                                             Should I push you down the hill, or should I give you a lethal dose of drugs?
We would all be happy then.

But now you are gone... dead.
No! It wasn't me who killed you. It was nature... a natural death.
I suddenly feel like ****.
         Killing you in my head. Wishing your death just to find myself missing you when you were gone.
I can't bear to think that you died thinking (knowing) I hated you.
I don't hate you anymore.

I guess I grew up. I guess my feelings were wrong.
                                            I miss you.
I wish I could have a few last words with you, but it's too late.
                                             I ****** up.

Now all I can do is be strong (for you).
I know you're in a better place, and I shall be happy for you.
I guess, after all, there's no place for hate in this heart.

This is what we wanted all along;
to be with each other. Nothing can go wrong.
Now that I'm here sitting by your side
everyone else is gone. It's just you and I.

My arms wrapped around you. Your head lies on my chest.
My lips make their way to your forehead, and kiss it tenderly.
You look up to me, staring into my eyes. I can see the love swimming in your heart.
My lips draw a smile, and then say "I love you". We cuddle again as you add "I love you too".

You turn around to face me. I can only smile at you.
You come in close and kiss me. I hug you as you do.
Our bodies feel the heat of our ever so passionate souls.
We keep on kissing untill our lips bleed our love.

No walls to separate us. No obstacles for lust.
The only witnesses: the blankets and our song.
Your hands on my body. My wicked grin. A choir of angels, and the symptoms of spring.

Again we lie, side by side.
I stare into your eyes. You stare into mine.
No one can erase the smile imprinted on my face.
It's all because of you, my darling. My heart is in it's place.

Come and take me far away.
I just can't take another day.
I open my eyes to stare into the darkness.
I reach out my arms to grab onto nothingness.

I take another step uncertain of where I stand.
I scream out your name. Please take me out of this land.
My hands sweat, and a chill runs down my spine.
I can't grab my sword. I wonder if I'll be fine.

Silence and loneliness threaten my life.
He's taken the lives of my son and my wife.
And right when the madness is going to start
I feel a cold arrow go through my heart.

I lay on the ground, and I draw my last tear.
I tell you, my princess, you're safe. Have no fear.
Please know that I loved you. For my death feel no pain,
and I promise, my darling, we'll soon meet again.

This morning I woke up after having dreamt about you.
Knowing everyday I'm closer to being with you.
Kissing,
laughing,
loving,
just feeling the love we share for each other.

I know that day seems so far away,
but to me time goes faster every day.
I want it to speed up, and stop when we're together
so we can share eternity forever.

December the month. Winter the witness.
You and I the only characters of this romance.
A hot cup of coffee next to the fireplace; the perfect scenario.
An only blanket covering the beauty of our love.

Passion.
Lust.
Desire.
Ingredients in this perfect recipe.

Caring.
Trusting.
Loving.
The steps for a perfect romance.

A sweet glimpse to your eyes. The gentle touch of our lips.
The electricity in my body as you say these marvelous three words: "I love you."
The curve of your smile as I reply: "I love you too."
Our voices fuse into one only choir as we both say: "Forever and always.",
and our bodies ignite the fire of our love.

December the month I'm eager to reach.
You, my darling, the prize of this wait.
Love our destiny. Love our story.
This is the first step of the rest of our lives.