is it a crush
or is it


lust?

another spent hour in the corners of my heart
because central, there's never enough light to the dark
persistent downpour of intangible rain
no antidote strong enough to thaw out my brain

hooked in a rhythm, perpetually aligned,
reeling through each moment I fail to define
marked recalls of others,
the pivotal pivot
your hands on my face
your teeth in my vision

uselessly used and again thrown away,
you walk from the atrophied heart on display.

i feel more sorry for the clothes i wear
and have dragged thoroughly deep

because I realize there's more life in them
than there is life in me

wrapped in arms i wish were yours
i'll abandon dreams i wore
its fine, no one i've loved loved me
i've felt this loss before

The hardest part about honesty
From somebody of avoidance
Is once you start using it
They’ll only hear the shake in your voice

i love everything i hate about myself.

i've always been good at giving fair warnings
i guess i'm still just surprised nobody's listening.

i was told I'm intimidating.

what a rush

what a nod to the spineless, ravaged cavern
of chronic perceived inadequacy

i used to be.

you don't love me anymore?

say it with your chest.

without work i feel purposeless
without direction i feel aimless
without persistance i feel useless
without motivation I feel hopeless

but even with all i still feel like less.

the moment the air starts to bite
with the shrillness of fall
my chest fills with light
and my thoughts

circle cyclically
over
and
over
of only your body

pressing me against the wall
and the pressure of your hips
slipping
and fitting
so effortlessly
into the crevices
of me

and I'd die
to know that feeling

i was told not to idolize my favorite practice
of looking in the mirror and baring my teeth
at every disgusting piece of me

i'm not despondent
in this image
but rather fond
of my ability to embrace the monsters
within me
and still find it quite easy to breathe

isn't that a little scary?

her body reminds me of yours
so last night i dreamt of it

Careful about who
you reach into

The ones who bite the
hand that feeds them

Mark your red flags,
and ignore them

Watch your back
or you're condemned.

i avoid the homework
my therapist drew

because I knew all of my answers
would come back to


you.

i hate drugs.
But thinking about the cool wooded breeze
your tongue on my teeth
Drinking the substances I can no longer appease
your body against me

I hate drugs.

but i can't help but wish you'd do them with me.

The hardest thing for us
And what brought my struggle to ease
Was the devastating realization
That I cannot love you

into loving me

reach for my chest again
and say we're "just friends"

Silent screams from the rooftop
as the night ended in a bit of an anti
******
Rounded out by your hurry

but never discoura-ging

I watched each defined crystal line bring forth from the depths of the lead in our chests
a divine struggle

of life and highs

Cliche though it may sound
the round
-ness of your face
with your hair at my chin brought me exactly what I was looking for

By giving me nothing that I was looking for

Ink stands forever in skin
And I still think you deserve that

Your words will spring forth from my lips
And I still think you deserve that

But the ethereal place that I cinch at my waist will leave empty a canister once filled by your name

Though you did not leave of shame.

Just like the encounters of those in my art
your shaded brown eyes brought the start
Of me

Spurred by the Heart
of you

And in that, we will share, although you were somebody that I never knew

And I, somebody you will never think of

A saunter in the dark, strange conversational
spark;

Silent screams from the rooftops
and the fire

                   Restarts.

I love hearing people make promises

  fantasizing about the way they're going to



break them

Please know I’m always working and know I, too, will Falter
Just remember what molds best the stone
Is soft, consistent water