Kelly

Kelly Nov 2021

robotic.

my limbs creak with metallic rust
and i dust off the wires in my brain
far less humane
than acknowledging the steady feed
of coded numbers contracting my muscles
and moving throughout the days

i hate this place

but there is absolutely no trace
of life within me
aside from the mundane fog of rolling admission
cycling through the space between my ears
dulling all my tears
and scaring me into a shackled hell
of cycled fear

and i feel
absolutely

nothing.

Kelly Nov 2021

quiet.

Me to my brain: QUIET

Kelly Nov 2021

ed.

i'm pulling at my skin again

breaking and hating
my body.

Kelly Nov 2021

worth.

i can't turn off my brain
droning
and
droning
                                                   through internal defamation

of no mild nature

other than the torture
twisting the knife every time
i try to say something
nice

about myself.

Kelly Nov 2021

ink.

I'm no visual artist

so why am i drawing these pictures?
Just etching stick figures from the tip of my pen
                                                           pretending
to make me feel better?

                                           how sick.

How sick indeed, as carpenter bees
        crawl through my ears and burrow deeply into the walls of my skull
something to blame                       i suppose?

I can image the reason for the tides of my brain
this immortal hell
like it isn't the work of my body's own cells

                                                                                 oh well.

at least I woke up this morning.

Kelly Nov 2021

hidden.

nobody suspects the girl with a skeleton grin
and dappled sharks on her skin
struck matches on hips,
hitting curbs with her chin

Nobody asks the weight of the shoulders that shake
Most often with laughter
The tug of a thread, a bold entertainer

keep it that way, in turbulent weather
To make room for the others
That suffer below her

so nobody suspects the girl’s cold chagrin
Of furious self hatred
and loathing within

for why kelly

Kelly Nov 2021

useless.

I am so deep in my insecurity
Only certain that you’ll leave me
Before I even have you

How ******* crazy do I have to be
To show you the worthless and useless
Decrepit pile of wreckage and filth
I call “me”

It’s unending

The tantrums thrown in my brain
In disdain of the atrophied cells in my body
Breeding this feeling
And knowing you’ll see everything

And want absolutely nothing to do with me