somebody cares about my body
                                            and the way i spend it
                                                                                                and

                           i won't tell them how much i cried
when they told me that.

i didn't look both ways before turning onto the street today
and a car almost clipped my bike
i slammed on the brakes
and dragged my shoes against the asphalt

a narrow miss
that previously would have flirted too closely
with desires lingering just below the surface
of flying too close to the sun

and the drop, the impact, the trigger, the pressure
craved by the skeletons in my cortex
rather than the anticipated quiet release
brought an increase          in my heart rate

fleeting fear commandeered my lust for the abyss
and i surprised myself, for daring
to live, the thought echoing across my skull

as sporadically panned as my stereo fields

the appeal to take another breath, for once,
has been much more scary, but

isn't all of this just            

                                               tem-
                  
                            -po-                              

                                                                                   -rar-
                                                  -y

i tried to put on paper the way you make me feel
blotted onto a back lit screen
and on the pages littering the corners of my room

i tried to make sense of weighted absence in my bed
still sunlight, stripping my sheets,
golden as your hair in the morning

i tried these things and many,
my methodical, logical mind turning circles over and around
the shape of your body and
                                                   the walls of your mind
bouncing over the articulation of your voice
still resonating on the walls of my room

and i came to a comfortably uncomfortable denouement
that liking you
was absent of reason,
                                         conclusion,
                                                                         solution,
no resolution
                                       adequate for the disgruntled mathematician
                        hired for the rationalization of my brain

how insane

                                       so i'll remain

infatuated with the colors in your eyes and the dull thud of your feet on the earth
no attachment to acumen, let my hand off the rip cord
and trust that the fall and the pain it may bring

is so unquestionably worth having you, having me.