I find it funny that you do not know my name.
You know me as my demon, Leigh.
The one who calls you up when she can't feel.
But maybe you do that to me too.
You have no voice in my head
Because you aren't worth hers.
Anna's voice is reserved for the finer memories.
I can't really talk about Anna
Much anymore because of what I've done.
You seem like a sweet girl, little Emily.
But, you see, I'm in love
And you are just a form of ***
While she is under their watch.
You are my way of ignoring the fact
That my girlie.
My Anna.
Is gone for now.
So I'll keep on talking to you until
I get to see her again.
And we'll use each other until then.
I'm okay with that.
Are you?

No, we will not.
She's a class act liar
With a pair of lips attached.
I've not let myself be angry with her.
Her eyes always seemed so kind.
I watched her cry over her father on the bathroom floor.
She told me she was attracted to me
Because I didn't push her to tell me
About herself.
So she lied.
She put us in this mess.
It was never about my cutting
Though I'm stopping that anyway.
It was always the lies.
The lies that we're not needed.
But they sat there and boiled under her skin.
I learned not to trust her stories.
I came to the conclusion that it didn't matter.
But lies do.
Lies have me crying most nights
And bring her picture and my necklace to my lips.
Lies have destroyed us all.

I'm in this state of limbo.
And no one can pull me out.
I've got a decision to make.
There shouldn't be any doubt.
It should be easy like left or right.
Should I just move on?
Or are we worth the fight?
It doesn't feel like it's up to me.
Not when neither side is there.
I feel no pushing or pulling.
I can't help but wonder why.
The music I'm facing is sweet.
But I still can't get by.
You're gone now, girlie.
And I'm left in limbo.

People keep asking me
Jessica, why did you cut your hair?
My immidiate response is
I just needed a change and 11 inches
Seemed like a wise one to go about.
Some look at me sideways
Others accept it and move on
A few whisper about my ****** orientation
Behind my back even when I know
That they are right.
Their whispers do not matter
And they never will to me.
But I just keep lying.

I cut my hair because I am sad.
Those 11 inches were lost because
I couldn't let myself lose my life.
It is so short because she has never
Seen it brown or short and I need
To pretend I never knew her.
That is how I'm dealing with her
Not being around anymore.
I cut my hair because I kept feeling
Her hands in it from that Monday.
I cut my hair because I can't let people
Call me Jess when she isn't around.
I cut my hair so not one would recognize me.
So she won't recognize me next time.
And she will make the decision
To leave me when she finds what
Happened when I cut my hair
To get rid of her fingers
Only to replace them with foreign limbs.
I cut my hair for a change, yes.
But that change did not come.
Not the one I was looking for.

My hair is short because I am sad.
And I still can't bear to lose my life.
But I need another impulse
To keep my heart beating at a normal pace.
Too slow if I'm sad.
Too fast if I'm panicked.
Short hair was my middle ground.
My plan didn't work.

You once told me that I was more
Sunrise than sunset
And I'm starting to see where you
Were coming from

I saw a sunset for the first time since
They took you away
And I saw purples and oranges
Clinging to the clouds

I've seen many sunsets these past
Few weeks without you
They had a tendency to be your
Forte, not mine

Sunsets are red with fire and dying
Days and loves
Sunrises were always bright and
Glorious but alas

Most sunrises I've seen recently have
Been too ******
Maybe it is because I'm without you
Or not so much

I miss my beautiful sunrises
My short hair corrisponds with
Your sunsets
So for now they will do.

I seem
To have forgotten
why
That girl is
Struggling to
Get away from
Her own body
Of a
Cigarette.
It seems thin
Enough to me