I cannot stand this demented idea that
I love you for the way
You walk away from me with a smile on your face
And that I should love you for the way you
Rank an 8.5 but you're the only one I've kissed.
I don't want to love you for your skin
Your smile and your eyes and your ***
And the way you bite your lip and the way your hand fits in mine.
I don't want to be one of those girls to you
That finds you extremely **** and hot.
I'm not one of those girls.
Girlie, I do love all of those things about you.
I truly do.

I do not tell you this enough.
Love will never be physical for me.
Love is when you write to me
And when I can't go an hour, much less a day
Without you on my mind
And how we couldn't make it three days
Without kissing
We are in love
Puppy dog stage or not
And ****, you **** me when you
Walk away, but I love you anyway.

You keep telling me to start my sentences over.
Words tumble from my lips at lightning speed
Forgive me if I say something in my head that I meant to give you
And if I let you into a corner of my mind currently owned
By my confused demons

They aren't used to this kind of weather

I can't seem to be able to wrap my head around you
Or me, it seems
But they will adjust to this warmth
If you can even call it that
If you can even call me that
Warm, I mean
They like their 40 degree rainy days with the wind beating them

I keep losing every train of thought I've been handed

Has it started to show through my writing?
I can't stop my fingers from going too fast.

You keep telling me to start my sentences over.

I just can't think of what I said
Or why I said it
Or who you are
Or what I'm doing in a bathroom alone with another girl
Or why I want the distance to be closed
I can't make it make sense
Who are all these people?
There was a cockroach on my bed.
I'm going insane.
Is bad poetry a side effect of dying?
There went the John Green allusion.
I'm all out of lines and I keep stopping my fingers
To text a friend back about people I don't even know
But they come back and my mind hurts
Well,  I think it does...

TURN THE SONG YOU IDIOT

...I can't feel my mind enough to understand if it hurts
Or if the medicine is working

It has to be the medicine.
I can only think of one other thing that could make me like this.
My stomach is scars.
No cuts.
You should be proud, girlie.

You keep telling me to start my sentences over.

I'm alright with stepping stones
Water is my second best friend
Next to match boxes and lighters.
The moss that grows is deathly
Afraid of my feet
I make it a habit to giggle
When they run from my soles
So they know I'm coming
When and if I reach the riverbank,
A boy in my left hand and
Pens tucked behind my ears,
Paper and ink running through
My veins.
The fish will hear my foot steps
A mile out for their lack of sound
Clay crowds in on itself as I
Approach again
The water, always flowing
Stops mid-current for fear
I will find my pale blue eyes
Similar to its outer layer.
Some best friend.
But I'll return with a boy
In my left hand, pens falling
From my hair and no paper or
Ink in my idiotic blood
Ridden veins.
I'll come back to the
Fleeing fish,
Crowding clay,
Wary water,
And those ******
Stepping stones.
I've run all out of
Match boxes and lighters.

Never believed.
Told to.
So did.
Sat quietly.
Spoke softly.
Came often.
Not enough.
Given water.
Given body.
Given blood.
Six girls.
Made promises.
Gone now.
Empty words.
Cold crosses.
Still showed.
Came barely.
Sat alone.
But quietly.
Spoke never.
Told to.
Yelled to.
Asked to.
Prayed to.
Beaten to.
Pleaded to.
Could not.
Never believed.

I cannot write poetry
Unless half the words are
Draped in doubt,
Splattered with guilt,
Shredded into grains,
Introduced to love
(Do be so bold
To think I can write
Poetry without once
Knowing love. Words
Need to at least have
MET the concept),
And murdered until  
SOMEONE
Will come along and
Weep at the sight of
Their corpse.
The other half?

Pronouns.

I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.

In the back of my mind
I hear them chiming ever so softly
They ring with a clarity
That nothing could-

Shut up, you child
That will be the death of you
In the end because puppets
Should not be so
Attracted to their poison
Do you want to shatter?

They are silver and polished
With trumpets sounding
Behind their tones
And there has never been-

This is for the weak at heart
If you do that, nothing will
Change but the fact that
Everything will be stolen
From you again
Do you want to be like your mother?

A white dress flows down
The aisle and violins play
The march of the powerful
And we think that-

Get over yourself child
No one will ever want you like that
She's just lying so that
You won't be so afraid of
What you will do to her
Don't you understand that-

No.
I love her.
She loves me.
Stop with your petty games
You killer piece of my head.
It's not today or two years away.
But ******
One day
She will ask
And I won't
Let you get in her way.