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Jessica Leigh Feb 2014
Smoke poured from her mouth
Who's to say it would **** her
They all told her that her body would collapse
But her liver was still in place
And all the drinking bottles had been smashed
When they continuously landed to point
At him
Perhaps it would have worked better
If a few others had decided to join their game

Death was poised between her finger tips
Funny how that action sounds like poison
Maybe that is why she let them meet
Her nails weren't yellow
Her art teacher had always warned her
Of the color it would make when mixed
With black
So she'd add it with purple to darken
The mixture she felt the need to create

Tar dripped from her lips
No one ever warned her that ink
Wouldn't be the thing to calm her down
English majors liked to look
At her through wire rimmed glass
And see that with every drop
Paper shrived
But she couldn't flatten any of it out
So she'd let it fall onto the edges
Which were always smooth
But what else was sharp enough
To **** her

Flames rose in her pupils
She always wondered what they saw
When her eyes lit up at the
Sight of a "yet to be soothed"
Fire
Mirrors didn't hold enough reflection
For her to see all the ways
The blue and orange turned to white
When it hit her green iris
But not the other
No one is perfect enough to be that dead
Jessica Leigh Feb 2014
Dream me has always had a way with words
But wasn't it me who told you to fall in love
Back when they told me you could never be mine
Yes, back when they stripped us down to nothing
No, that wasn't you
It was some faceless being and I hope it was a girl
Because then I wouldn't be gay for what we did
Oh, you could still be living in a cloud
But I'd rather be happy next to a mute singer
Than a dead girl who likes to smile at me
When I have her hung up against a wall
Like a pretty framed picture that I just can't get to hang right
But that's okay
When she finally gives in to the nails in her back
I'll have her straighter than an arrow
In the hands of a seven year old boy
With a bow he got from Christmas
Which was only a day or two ago
But you know how little boys can be
Can we go back to that first date
If you can even call it that
Because there were broken bottles at my toes
I like the taste of ***** in my stomach
Because it reminds me of your lips
It's been less than 24 hours since they were next to mine
That's enough to make an addict
Go crazy but it's been less than 12
Since I indulged in another addiction
But self harming isn't as fun as harming you
With the poison I put on my lips every night
Just before I fall asleep and dream of you next to me
Maybe I'm holding back while writing this
Because I hope you read these while I'm tired
Which is all the time and maybe this will put you
Next to me when it's cold outside
But no degrees will ever be able to make me stop
Cutting my stomach to pieces and you
To stop falling for a passerby on your street

After all
Isn't that how
You found me?
Jessica Leigh Feb 2014
Yes, I remember that the rain did pound against our backs.
Perhaps that is what brought us together.
Those concrete stands are still there,
Waiting for us to rejoin them as we sat on a hill.
Maybe we wouldn't be hurting so bad
If those kids hadn't watched us hold hands
As they rolled down a hill like you told me
You had back in April across the field.
And maybe if that cheese hadn't gotten
So much rain in it, it wouldn't have
Tasted so horribly and I would have
Bought you a hot dog instead of our friend.
Maybe if my dad had told me no
And that my shirt showed too much cleavage,
We wouldn't have been scared of
Your dad seeing us from across a stadium.
And maybe, just maybe
We wouldn't be in this mess.
Jessica Leigh Feb 2014
She bit it back. Whatever she had to say
It was pounding against her teeth
In the manor of an innocent man
Clutching the bars, screaming at his
Keeper for his immediate release
But, alas, no one ever came
And so her words were flowing
Over my skin but she still had
Locks in the line of her jaw
And it scares me to think her
Prisoner is screaming something
Other than "I love you."
Jessica Leigh Feb 2014
People always tell me that the tiredness will go away with a lot of sleep and the right date
Eight hour nights have become imaginary bliss when my eyelids are clouded by your image
I told myself that I wouldn't date because you put your hands up my shirt in a bathroom one afternoon
That didn't let me sleep
Who is to say a boy would allow that type of peace
The closest I've come to sleep was when you tried to teach me to dance
I couldn't help but laugh when you taught me to turn during a waltz
Dancing is never a dying girl's forte
This tiredness has yet to go away and I'm running out of options
Old methods of waking are failing me in a way you never have
Tiredness comes from my lack of loving you the way I want to
Your hand on my leg would always bring a nice about of rest
Sitting outside for lunch is easier for you when the circumstances call for ignoring it all

AND ACCORDING TO THEM, YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO TOUCH ME ANYMORE SO WE HAVE TO HIDE IT AWAY AND THIS IS STARTING TO FEEL LIKE I'M JUST A PASSING PHASE AND I WANT TO BE MORE THAN JUST A NOTCH IN YOUR BEST POST BECAUSE YOU ARE MUCH MORE THAN A LINE IN A SONG AND THAT'S SAYING A LOT FOR A WRITER LIKE ME.

Apologizing is becoming a strong suit of mine
"Sorry"s keep spilling from my mouth because I want you
I'm sorry I let the tiredness eat me away a year ago
I'm sorry I want it to consume me now
I'm sorry for loving you the way I do
I'm sorry for being so tired.

But, darling.
I'm.
Just.
Tired.
Jessica Leigh Feb 2014
They always tell us that mother knows best
And maybe, to an extent, they are right
But what if your mother never explained to you
That it is vital to search a boy thoroughly before
You let him kiss you on your door step
Or that you don't have to say yes every time
Your friends ask for help when they are broken?
I recall being five and looking up at my mother
And she had nothing to say when I asked her
Why God brought pain to her when she
Wanted to die even though she had all of us
When he left her on a street side crying.

Mother knows best but she told me not to love girls
She told me that grand kids needed to be born
But I am only 16 and my girl loves me
And she kisses like a devil
But, then again, I don't believe in the God
That disappeared on us when my mother lost everything.

Yes, she is supposed to guide me through life
But I can't help but wonder if my kids would
Think I know best if I didn't notice their
****** sleeves and carving board souls.

I understand that mother knows best
But she has to know first.
Jessica Leigh Feb 2014
"People throw rocks at things that shine."
Her window was anything but transparent
Residue and memories had embedded themselves
Into the glass and scars marked the paneling

Chipped pieces of tape from 12 years before
Grasped onto its surface because it no longer
Had a picture of a childhood best friend
To frame next to the sunshine and clouds

There was still an impression of her nine-year-old
Hand print from when she watched her mother
And father screaming in the yard and later
Silently begged her mother not to leave as
Car tires squealed on the road parallel to the window

Heat still radiated from when that boy took her
Up against the curtains and glass as
Another boy watched from the yard with
A camera and no one told her 13 was too young

Streaks cascaded down in a mixture
Of blues and grays that came from rainy
Afternoons spent weeping over the loss of
Her never failing God who had left her stranded
Far too many times, especially when it came
To the boy who left her when she lost a baby
At the age of 14 without telling her
Until she had already left the clinic

The locks and springs were broken by the time
She was 16 from almost leaving her drunken
Father practically in a comatose state
On the couch they had found on the side of a road

By the time she was 17, the once
Reflective glass was obscured by the firth
From her life lived in a multitude of change

But every night,
Pebbles hit her bedroom window.
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