I dont mean it that way
Its not a cliche
To say
Dont fall in love with me

This isnt for my benefit
A safety net
To avoid the complications
Of love

No
Just dont fall in love with me
Not because its wrong
Or because its bad

But because loving me
Is the worse thing
Anyone who has loved me
Has ever done

Please my love
Dont let me be your regret

I miss your ******* face
Yes your ******* face
I can almost hear you
Arguing semantics
On how one can miss
A ******* face
Like how its possible
For one to shut a ******* face
Yeah
Ouch

I still miss your ******* face
And your brown eyes
And your bright smile
Your lanky walk
The way you talk
You fingers dancing along a guitar
Your stomach gurgles
Your ticklish spots
I miss them all
Even when you'd argue semantics
Or paused a movie to ask who shot first
Forced a cartoon on me
Left me hanging

I see why you did though
And I appreciate it
I love you for it

But I still miss you
I needed you
But its alright

I've always managed on my own
Fighting tooth and nail
But I manage

And I want to thank you
Because I know you had something to do with it
Leading me to him
And yes I know
It's arguing semantics on if you really did or not
But you know me
I don't really care about arguing semantics

Heart breaking
Gut wrenching

Feels almost
Like drowning

But instead of choking
On water

You choke
On despair

What else is there
Why else is there

Nothing to be done
Nothing to be heard

Everything falls
On deaf ears

On ignorance
From the truth

You could never handle
My despair

You cannot handle
The storm inside of me

A fool tries
To calm the storm

A wise man
Revels in it

For it's beautiful
And wonderous

That feeling
There

I cherish it

For weak men
Fear the storm

My man
Dances with it

To love someone
Is a choice

I have learned this the hard way

Screaming
Crying
Asking why did this have to happen to me?

It's a thing I brought on myself
Love

And when you read that word
Read it with disdain

Love is a choice
So is hate

But there is no in between with me
So I chose

I choose to hate you
With everything I have

Because if I don't?
I'll love you until it kills me.

I hate the way things turned out
That your mere presence
Makes me angry
Because I'm right here
And I'm being ignored
And I hate that you ******* look at me
When you think I don't know
Or do I know
Because I hate this feeling
That everything is in my head
And that you never cared
Because you accused me of not caring
But it makes me angry
And once I realize I'm consumed by hate
I get sad
And lonely
Even in a room full of people
I hate that the person in my dreams
Is not the person in my reality
Because now I know
That everybody lies.

Of all the things I have observed
I know how she lives her life
She has no regrets

Even when she made mistakes
She never regrets them
Because it's an action

Because she knows that regret
Will hurt not just her
But others

So trust in her
When she said
You will never be her regret

The happiness
However fleeting
She cherishes

You made her happy
You made her feel alive

It wasn't the secrecy
Or even the physical aspect
That made her feel

It was you

And as short as it lasted
As short as the moment it took
To make her feel like she messed up

She doesn't regret it
She never regrets loving someone

She only regrets not saying it

Maybe it was the fact that I laughed
But if I loved every man who made me laugh
I'd be called 'easy'
But not every man made me laugh like you did
No man has ever made me laugh like you did
Like nothing mattered in the world
But you and me
And the fact that you were falling asleep
Denying it
But still falling
Falling as fast asleep
As I was falling fast in love
And the fact that I was supposed to be
On your couch
Not in your bed
But trusting that you weren't that guy
You weren't
But you were so warm
And nothing mattered
Not classes
Not people
Not the cool breeze outside
Or even the repercussions
The morning would bring
Just you and me
At 3 am
When I fell in love with you

If I have to write a poem
About how much you ******* ****
Maybe this wasn't such a good idea

No one is ever going to take your place
Never
Ever
Ever
In a million
No a billion
No
Until the end of my existence
No one
NO ONE
Will ever take your place

Sometimes I wonder
Did everyone else get some sort of secret instruction manual when they were born?
How to keep friends?
How not to mess up every relationship you've ever had?
Romantic or not?
How to experience love at first sight?

It's exhausting
I wonder how people put up with life

I was born without it
This instruction manual
Because I've heard the phrase
"We knew from the moment we first saw each other."
Knew what?

I've heard
"We've been best friends since forever, we knew it from the moment we met."
But how!?!?
How do you know the good from the bad at a first glance?
Is it a pheromone I just can't smell?
Some secret language I never learned?

It's so hard
I don't know how people keep living
I don't know how I keep living
I'm not afraid of death
But I'm not going to welcome it with open arms
Even if the thought of it gives me hope of going home

Because if I were to welcome death
Everyone around me would fade away

I stay alive for the same people
That I can't tell if they're good or bad
But I've grown accustomed to them
I suppose it's because even the bad people deserve sympathy

Do I deserve all the crap they dish out?
No
But I can handle it

Have I ever met someone and just "knew"
Not in my life
But I've heard it said about me so it's a half victory

These stupid misfits
I wonder
Were they born the same as me?
Can they tell the good from bad?
I wonder
If they genuinely care about me

Or maybe I'm just a fool being used
Sometimes I really wonder

You're a child
Taking your frustrations out on me
When I did nothing wrong

Before any of this got complicated
I want you to remember
I was your friend first

Friends don't make friends hurt
And seeing how easy it is to push me away?
Guess we weren't that close

It's not my fault
I didn't do anything wrong
This is all on you

Though you're not gonna like what happens next
Because I live life with no regrets
I thought I'd have more time

Time to gather my thoughts
On what I'd want to say to you
But I'll let you know

It's not my ******* fault

There once was a boy
And along came a girl
They looked into each other's eyes

The girl saw everything
She saw him
She saw beyond him
She saw the vast ocean
That his soul was
But she got lost

The boy looked
He didn't see a spark
He saw her
But without the spark he didn't keep looking

So the boy and the girl parted ways
The boy looking for a spark
The girl looking for someone to finally be able to truly look in her eyes and see her light

Pounding drums
With a fast beat
Loud guitar wailing
Half screamed lyrics
Of heartbreak
Of betrayal
But I don't feel it
I'm not feeling hurt

Angry melancholy
Soft voices
Guitar crystal clear
Lyrics so angry
At the world
At people
But I don't feel it
I'm not feeling angry

Fast and upbeat
Synthetic noises
Followed by a beat drop
Singing loudly
Of happiness
Of friendship
But I don't feel happy
I don't feel friendship

Sultry tones
**** voices
Moaning love songs
Groaning at
Passionate lovers
Passionate ideas
But I don't feel that either
I'm not in love

I don't know what to listen to

Everything
Or
Nothing

Sometimes I wonder
If I'm heard

God help me
God save me please
Is anyone listening?

Maybe you could save me
From the dark thoughts
In my mind

They plague me
Stain me
Crimson

Do they hate me
What did I do wrong
Why am I ignored

I just want to hear
The sound
Of your voice

Which is stupid
Because I don't see you
In my dreams anymore

Got what you came for
And left?
God what did I do

What did I do to deserve this
These thoughts that consume
That fester in my mind

Do you hate me?
-Of course-

Am I annoying you?
-absolutely-

Are you... ignoring me?
-duh-

A temporary fix I suppose
Something to stop
The tears

God save me
God save my soul
Save it from the damnation I brought upon it

By selling it to those who didn't deserve it
Save me
Anyone

I hate it
And I say that probably
About a lot of things
But
This is the truth
Yet I am attached
Always in my hand
Ringing
Dinging
Chiming
Noisy little thing that it is
Silence
Never silenced for a fear
Of missing a moment
It is cumbersome
Facebooking your life
Tweeting your seconds
Showing your life in still photos
Every email
Spam at three am from the store down the street
Work
Friends
Friends of friends
Acquaintances
Family
Friends of family
I know what they do from
My newsfeed
My dashboard
Twitter feed?
Instagram
Vines in short videos
Pintrest to know your interests
Check in to know where you are
Who you're with
I hear it all
I don't want to
I hate my phone
It gives me updates on everyone
Everyone except you
My phone can't connect me
To the person I need most

Kitty kitty
Meow meow
Meowing at my bedroom door

Kitty kitty
Meow meow
Water, food, attention, more?

Little kitty
With her meow
Meowing down the minutes

'Till I get off
My cozy ***
And let the **** cat in.

Stay by my side
Listen to my troubles

Be there for me as I am for you

Give me a shoulder to cry on
Open arms to rest against
An open heart to shield me
From even my own fears

Fill me with warm reassurance
Of a promising future

Hear unspoken words
And I will listen to the beat of your heart
Though that is what we do
You and I

Listen
Talk
Stay close

My Soulmate

Keep me always by your side
Love me when I'm at my worse
Kiss me truly and with passion
Then make love to me with even more

Hold my hand always
Take me places
Show me off
Keep me close

Let me curl in your arms and be safe from the rest of the world

Let me love you
In every way that I know how

My True Love

Starlit lady read my strife
Tell me something of my life 
Tell me lady what's your theory
Draw a card to hear my query 

First I see a table setting 
Nine cups maybe at a wedding 
That oh so long ago had passed 
Since time went quickly, oh so fast

But those cups are upside down
Lady whispered with a frown
I see much effort has been sworn
A whisper of reward was torn 

Now there is a break in space 
Away from ruffles and the lace
Justice now prevails, the savior
Mental clarity in your favor 

Slashing at their every word
A queen you stand now with a sword
Standing tall and shining bright
Independent of their plight

Shackled in your mind I see
Five more cups scattered in glee
The past is clouding up your mind 
Those little thoughts you always find

And yet another sword shall lay 
Amung the cups in a display
Of a king so very fierce
Your body now his sword has pierced

Four fires lit, four branches broken 
Leaving wands now for a token 
Though broken wands matter not 
Apathy, my friend, cannot be fought.

She took a breath, her face contorted
Some issues you need rather sorted
Then I begged her to move on
Before night left and came the dawn

The queen has fallen from her throne *
Regret I now heard in her tone 
Eight swords have pierced her body so
She feels restricted and alone 

Though now I see a knight has rode
To the aid of your abode
To lay his sword down for your life
Offer An answer to your strife 

How I knew what she had meant
I slumped forward, my neck bent
Trying hard to hold back tears
Trying to hold back my fears

She did not know what he had said
How he got into my head
He is my friend, so very close 
He is the one I trust the most

He was kind and gentle in a way
Talking things I'd never meant to say 
He offered me a lovely future 
But without my love, it would be torture

Love me, not him!* He had pleaded
I told him not to be conceited
He told me it was not conceit 
But hung his head, in defeat

Think about your future, love
You're caged just like a palace dove
So long I want to see you soar
so long I need to hear you roar

You shine so brightly in my eyes 
To him, you're just another prize *
I love him not you, please understand
His heart then cracked inside my hand 

You're afraid,* the starlit lady spoke
Not of this knight, not of this bloke
But of title you'll inherit 
Drama queen that has no merit

She tapped her finger on the card
I know you think it's very hard 
The queen here tells me you are strong
Though you've picked up just a wand

So now a queen of sword no more
A knight of sword came to your door
A queen of wands is now your name 
A knight of wands is now your claim

The knight brings forward no solution
No ending and no resolution
Though this should be the very end
Conflict I see now is your friend

Starlit lady now has spoken 
I'd never felt so very broken 
*It doesn't seem you have a choice *
I could not seem to find my voice 

I picked the cards and set them straight 
Now all I had to do was wait
I found no answers to my plight
Nor a way to set it right

I put the deck into its case
And then I lifted up my face
To stare directly at the lady 
Who was now so quickly fading 

She faded back into my mind
I'd never felt so very blind
For the lady was replaced
By a reflection of my face

You think you have the upper hand?
Ha! I say to you, good sir
Ha I say, you delusional fool

Bring it on
Your hurtful words
The hidden threat behind the syllables

Careful what I wish for?
Nay, if I actually get what I wished for
Then you would be a man

You would treat her with respect
With dignity and honor
But it is a failed wish on you

So go ahead
Do your worse
Just try to reach me up here

this feeling inside of me
this hatred, this jealousy, this worthlessness
leave it me
leave me be

i want no other feelings
no love, no hope, no faith
just because of a single fear
that my emotions would intertwine

maybe one day those feelings
can come out of the hiding spot
that I stashed them away in
to protect them

but until then
let me cradle those negative emotions close
so at least i can feel
something

I didn't lie when I said I wanted to be alone
It was a mantra I repeated
Engraved in my mind
Forever a scar on my brain

Maybe that was when I broke
When I thought I couldn't be with you
But now that I am
I'm afraid that I dragged you to hell

With me.

I want to be your princess again.
but your princess was cruel.
so I'd rather be nothing.