baby has given up on mommy.
it's been too long
to keep hoping she'll get better
baby needs to pack her bags
move on.
two years
countless chances
to make something
anything
just a little better
countless chances
missed.
baby doesn't need a mother
baby has two arms
baby can hug herself
rock herself
tell herself
to behave
to
smile
baby has a heart
and a
head
she can
breathe
she doesn't need
a mother
she doesn't need
she doesn't

need.

This isn't the poem I intended to write
These aren't the words I meant to choose
It's not the direction that I was heading
Nor the title I first wanted to use

It doesn't start out anything like I was hoping
Or have any original thought
Not really sure now what I was thinking
Or of the process that brought this about

No, this isn't the poem that I first started writing
Nor the meaningful point I wanted to make
Can't really say where I was going
Guess that's about all I've got to say

God, what a gift
That you have given me
From my legs
To my tent
To the honey golden sea
It's badly written
Yet beautifully said
And I'd like to be remembered
Even if its when I'm dead
Oh God, what a gift
That you have given me
A boy to love with all my heart
The one who's known me from the start
Who watched me move from far apart
The boy I love with all my heart
Dear God, such a gift
That you have given me
Something I'm afraid to keep
Because it keeps me from my sleep
And it will not stay this way forever
Under your guidance
It will be only better
My God, what a gift
That I am scared to take
He makes my fingers shake
And I know I'll grow to hate it
But as long as he's there for me
My love can't be debated

Sitting on the dock smoking those stupid cigarettes
A half smile on your lips I fell in love
As the wind blows and howls
The lighter refuses to spark
So we huddled together
Hoping to nurse it to a blaze
Physically closer than we ever had been before

And as the lighter catches and you inhale deeply
I shrug and reach for one myself
Because in that moment you had stepped away
And i wanted you back in close
So I lit it, we sat together
Any doubts in my mind about my health
Erased by the rapid beating my heart felt

Arm in arm we talked the night away
Waiting for the sunrise
Two lonely souls now together
Bonded over a ritual as old as time itself
Yet still as magic as the day it was discovered
And when I looked over and asked you for another light
Our mouths were kissing; the world was right

sheets bind your legs
you're covered in white.
I watched you in battle,
and you lost the fight.

your skin's now a canvas.
scars. tubes in your arms.
the ache to be free will not
stop those alarms.

so you break from the bed,
trace lines on the wall.
eyes scan the room blankly,
on me, they don't fall.

my arms long to hold you,
I stick by the door.
I don't even flinch when
you fall to the floor.

the nurses are gone now,
but I couldn't yell,
when you slipped from the window
and laughed as you fell.

it wasn't the drugs.
dope, coke, or crack.
all you needed to live
was for me to come back.

I want to sleep with you.

I want to sleep* with you.

Your arms around me,
Our legs dancing the entwine.
My lips on your neck,
And your sigh in my ear.

No ***. In fact,
Fully clothed.
Or mostly.

Just us.

All I want is to say my rhyme
In person.
And kiss your eyes as I do.

"Close your eyes. Left, then right. Goodnight, Starlight."

I dream of your voice constantly.
I can't hear words,
Just your voice.

Just you.