When my emotions get too strong
I lose my words.
So the feelings I really want to express
I don't have the words for.

I look at him and smile,
And fiddle with my fingers.
As my heart races,
The blood flows everywhere but my brain.

We don't have conversations about
Philosophy, politics, society.
I gasp and can barely breath
Wanting to hold him.

Wanting to be in his arms
Where words aren't needed,
Where emotions are at home
And so am I.

"Love is blind" so he must love me
Because he fails to see
How miserable I am, sad and alone
He has no idea, laughing on his own.

The happier he gets, the sadder I feel.
Alone in a crowd and down at heel.
"Love is blind" and he can't see
The broken heart inside of me.

At least he's happy, one of us should be
But why isn't some happiness allowed for me.
I guess it's easy to be happy with no needs to fulfill.
If I could stop needing, but it's not chosen by will.

So hurting and alone, needing love and touch
I take what I can get, to my scraps I clutch.
I'll talk **** and know the power in my words
Enjoying their effect and the desire that returns.

When did I become a poet?
When did - maybe I should take my notebook with me,
In case I have an idea for a poem,
Become the daily compulsion to take my notebook so I don't lose a poem.

Is it just the accolades, the 'likes' and nice comments
That say you've done well?
Perhaps a hang over from childhood
The little ticks next to each answer
'That's right' 'Good girl'

Or is it truly the creative expression
I have been searching for all my life?
Was it always there
Or has it developed?

When did I become a poet?
When did I become someone whose need to write
Would get them out of bed at night...
Otherwise that poem will be gone forever.
From someone who failed English at school.

When did writing a poem become
More important than sleep?
(Nothing is more important than sleep,
It's a well known fact)

When did I redefine who I am?
From the person who struggles with the written word.
And come to that, How did I?
I have a few other aspects of my life I would like to apply that skill to.

What is your desire?
I can give it to you.
Do you want my naked body ready for you
Or some **** lingerie to tantalize.

Do you want to take me to the bedroom,
Or if you can't wait, **** me on the couch.
Would you like to get a little public?
At the movie, restaurant, beach, car wash.

Do you want to pleasure me with licking,
Or do you need to **** me right now.
Hot urgent hard ***
To release all that *** built up in your *****.

Do you want to give.
Do you want to take.
Or both, full pleasure.
Your desire is my pleasure.

I am Lover
All you want, need, and desire.
I love to make you ******.
Your hot sexuality makes me ***.

I am Lover
In every way.
I give you myself
Tell me how you want me.

Do what you want to me.
Where you want, when you want.
My body is yours
Every inch of it.

My lips are yours
I will kiss how you wish.
My tongue is yours
What shall I lick.

My hands are yours
Eager to touch you.
My neck is yours
Should you want it.

The curve of my breast is yours
Please do enjoy them.
My large pink ******* are yours
Make them hard if you want.

My *** is yours
If that's what you like.
My wet ***** is yours
Your pleasure is my pleasure!

My legs are yours
To enjoy or guide.
Without direction they will wrap around you.
Take your fill.

I am not coping
Stress
Panic
Fear
It's all too much.

Where is my support?
Sitting next to me using your laptop
You don't notice I'm drowning.

You used to be so supportive
You helped me cope and be strong.
Now I have found my inner strength
You have taken your strength away.

I can cope so much better than before
But not completely, on my own.
Just because I Can cope
Doesn't mean I should have to.

I don't want to cope!
I want to curl up in a ball and cry.
I want someone to hold me while I cry.
I am so tired.

Do I bare my soul too much?
Should I leave more room for mystique?
I am not one for half truths and game-play
I am honest and real.

Too open
Too vulnerable
Too needy
Too ******
Too emotional
Too much

Do I drive men away?
Am I scaring them off?
Am I not choosing just the right thing to say,
Instead I say my truth.

It has cost me at job interviews,
I don't do office politics.
Has it cost me in love?
I am not available for love, but I fall.

Have I made that too obvious?
No *** without strings because I have to like him too,
So can he tell, I will probably fall?
I know my readers can.

'My readers' who know my deepest darkest secrets.
Who have seen every 'too' in my life.
No risk of you wanting me now,
Fortunately I can put that down to distance.

You had no idea that if you was here
We would be lovers, did you?
(There I go, sharing too much again?

Heartache
Heartbreak
Loneliness
Loss

What did I lose?
It was never mine to start with.

Heartache
Heartbreak
Loneliness
Need

Deep aching need
(Heart-aching)
"Know the difference between want and need"
My fathers words ring loud and clear.

Fair call Dad.
I can live without romantic love,
Without intimacy
So that would make it a 'want'.

Heartache
Heartbreak
Loneliness
Anger

Dr Phil "Anger is a surface emotion,
There is always hurt of fear underneath"
Hurt!
(=Heartache and Heartbreak, can't have three the same)

**** you Cat!
You over analyze!

Blah, yuck and horrible stuff.
Feel like crying.

Heartache
Heartbreak
Loneliness
Loss.