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kirk Jan 2020
Sorry Mr Jolly, I don't think your quite that frail
I offered my assistance, but now I'll have to bail
Your requirements are beyond me, a wash from top to tail !
My qualifications do not extend, to care for an older male

Who normally does your personals, why can't you get a bath ?
Official carers they just leave, and you can't get the staff
Does Mr Jolly scare them off, before they grace his path
Or maybe your too vulnerable, when you expose your bottom half ?

Sorry Mr Jolly, if your really all that smelly
I wouldn't be that comfortable, if I just washed your belly
Regardless of all other things, I'll stay home with the telly
And I'll see you in Psychoville, alongside Mr Jelly

Community spirit's one thing, but I'm afraid it must be trashed
Those parts of old men's body's, in my presence should be stashed
Mr Jolly I am sorry, if your washing dreams are dashed
I didn't really fancy, any part where I get splashed

Sorry Mr Jolly, can I give you a small tip
Emergency numbers aren't for you, to have a bath or strip
Scrub ups are not possible, and a shaving I must skip
Hygienic services I can't provide, cos I'm not well equip

Who said that I'd do anything, I think their just a wally
Old mens plonkers can't be handled, by a young blonde dolly
I wouldn't even try it, covered with an open brolly
What your asking I can't do, I'm Sorry Mr Jolly
Based on events experienced by a friend who offered their number for emergency purposes only and was obviously misunderstood .
It also inspired a re-write of "I'd do anything" which is attached in these notes.

I'd Do Anything (Re-Write):

I'd do anything for Jolly

For Jolly's everything
To me

I know that
I'd go anywhere to bathe you
To shave you
Everywhere I see

Would you shave below
With everything on show
Bending like a bow
Go from head to toe
And back again

he'd risk everything for one kiss
Yes he'd risk anything
Anything for you

I'd go anywhere to bathe you
To shave you
Everywhere I see

I know that
I'd do anything for Jolly
For Jolly's everything
To me

To me!
To me!
To me!
To me me me me me!

I'd do anything for Jolly
Yes I'd do anything
Anything for you

Would you clean old Joll
Would you scrub his pole
No matter what his goal
Even wash his hole
Yes everything

You'd scrub his every limb
To keep Mr Jolly Clean
Yes you'd wash anything
Anything for him
kirk Dec 2019
Your capable of being nice, so there's no need for you to nag
Constant whining gets me down, please shut up you *******
Don't ruin the nice atmosphere, stop being such a drag
Is there any reason, why your acting like a **** ?

I suppose you think your clever, when you call me a fat slob
You haven't really room to talk, for eff sake shut your gob
Lap dancing ain't that innocent, when you grind a strangers ****
Your the one who's sitting down, on the ******* job

Wriggling your hips is seedy, and it's no way to behave
You've got a cheek wearing a thong, half naked in your cave
Why do you treat me so bad, or like I am your slave
Don't rabbit on all the time, like Chaz and ****** Dave

You say that I'm a ******, are you just being blunt
Whenever you converse with me, I hear you sigh and grunt
Rubbing your **** in someone's face, you really have some front
No wonder I'm a ******, when you treat me like a ****

Sometimes your very nice and kind, but those you quickly ditch
In favour of some nastiness, from a first class *****
Theres nothing like the quiet life, but that you want to switch
It's easier to get on, without the seven year itch

Intimacy would be quite nice, but you always make me wait
I'm being dangle like a fish, a rod without the bait
Do I have to book a session, so I can get a date
You start on me when you arrive, walking through the garden gate

What's the point in misery, cos it just makes me stagger
You look at me with piercing eyes, staring with an unsheathed dagger
A voice like yours is grating, and you can't stand my swagger
Can you not just leave me be, you evil ******* nagger
kirk Dec 2019
Good hearts are lost forever, why do they break and bend
An Image locked inside our minds, your journeys final end
Why have you both been taken, it's so hard to comprehend
One moment and your lives are gone, we'll never heal or mend

If only you wasn't at that place, in the darkness and the rain
Why was the timing so precise, when there is nothing to gain
To sever life so innocent, and inflict so much pain
It hurts so much to even think, we wont see you both again

Some questions are not answered, why did you have to die ?
Two precious lives have been lost, what is the reason why ?
I imagine your last moments, and the place where you may lie
And if you were cold and suffering, before you said goodbye ?

If only you had stayed at home, and you retained your health
And never even braved the storm, on the night December twelfth
There wouldn't be the horror, of cars hitting you in stealth
No red Mercedes to take away, the last of your life's wealth

Your more than my Uncle Alan, your a brother, friend and dad
Fate intervened and cut life short, a small dog and a lad
When I think of the people, and the faithful friends they've had
The loss of you and Maddie, just makes us twice as sad

If only Maddie was left behind, and you didn't ring that bell
You wouldn't have been on that bus, you'd be alive and well
Just minutes from that awful time, the place that you both fell
Will guilty party's speak the truth, will they ever kiss and tell ?

Who is held accountable, who are the one's to blame
Killing with a knife or gun, well really its the same
We don't want bad excuses, that are meaningless or lame
Are you all that innocent, if Alan's life is left in shame

If only you had been seen, why was you out of sight ?
It's hard to come to terms with, when the circumstance ain't right
We didn't know your final thoughts, on that cold and rainy night
Or that you would not survive, to see the morning light

I'll always have an open wound, when I shed my final tear
Knowing you have gone away, and wont be here next year
Both of you must have felt, the pain of your own fear
When you we're struck, all of us lost, something we hold dear
For my Uncle Alan and his dog Maddie who both died on December 12th 2019

Article as it appears in the Star and Advertiser:

A PENSIONER who died in a collision with a car on Thursday has been named as Alan Jeffs (76).

Mr Jeffs, of Rotherham, and his dog Maddie, who also died at the scene, collided with a red Mercedes SLK which had been travelling along Bawtry Road towards Wickersley roundabout at about 5.40pm, a police spokeswoman said.

The driver of the Mercedes stopped at the scene and is helping with the investigation, the spokeswoman added.

"Mr Jeffs’ family said that he had lived all his life in Rotherham, surrounded by his sisters and brother who all lived nearby," said the spokeswoman.

"They said he loved his dog dearly and enjoyed taking her for walks.

"They have also asked for privacy at what is a very difficult time, especially in the run-up to Christmas."

Enquiries are ongoing and officers are asking anyone with information to contact them on 101 quoting incident number 661 of December 12
kirk Dec 2019
Be careful of the darkness, be careful of the night
Don't you ever walk alone, beneath the full moonlight
Lurking in the shadows, could be victims first blood bite
The luna cycle is complete, now the moon is fully bright

Hiking across the countryside, it may turn into a sham
Don't get lost and find yourself, inside the Slaughtered Lamb
What exactly is the meaning, of the five point pentagram ?
A star to warn of evil, or an ancient symbol scam !

If you find yourself alone, and your walking in the dark
Don't ever vere of the roads, and don't go in the park
Be weary of the shadows, and beware of
full moons bark
Stay out of the subways, or you'll be the lupins mark

Traveling on the underground, well this would be your choosing
Empty platforms late at night, could turn out quite confusing
A jagged tooth's awaiting you, your life you may be losing
Claws severing your mortal soul, and you wont find it amusing

You will know the moon is full, when the werewolf roars
A soft throat is easily torn, if you stroll on the Moore's
I don't know if you'll be safe, being locked behind closed doors
The wolfs curse is haunting you, a scratch from blooded claws

You'll suffer an unnatural death, if you don't watch where you tread
Condemned to walk in limbo, and be part of the undead
Decaying flesh on rotted bones, untill the last bloodline is bled
A silver bullet should be used, to sever the cursed thread

So don't dismiss the wolf-man, as a convict or a loon
With supernatural forces, it means that no one is immune
Cycles of the werewolf, well they come round all too soon
The Lycanthrope is watching you, so beware the moon
Well I started to write this quite some time ago hoping for a Halloween release however it took longer than I thought but finally it is here in time for Christmas, wrong season I know but the werewolf does appears every month according to folklore and the luna cycle which occurs every 29.5 days so it's still relevant
kirk Aug 2019
An angel has been taken, feelings of a shattered dream
Tears inside a waterfall, mixed emotions in the stream
Shadows cast on memories, across a burnt sun beam
Broken hearts melting away, are ripping at the seam

A precious gem has been lost, what is the reason why?
You will be remembered Jade, with every tear we cry
The stars no longer twinkle, sparkles lost in the night sky
Suns are forever setting, now we have to say goodbye

Petals fallen far too soon, a rose that's in the frost
A flowers beauty never fades, even when they have been lost
You are loved so very much, life comes at a high cost
Things we're so much better, every time that our paths crossed

Life is far to precious, but life is seldom fair
Knowing you have gone away, is hard for us to bare
The loss of you is deeply felt, because Jade we all care
You have touched so many hearts, but now they bleed and tare

Why did you have to leave us, days are no longer bright
We'll always have a broken dream, when we lay awake at night
Bleeding hearts will never heal, this simply is not right
A young soul should never go, when heaven's dove takes flight

Feelings are now tangled, knots in a rope that's frayed
Absent friends are always missed, when hidden in the shade
Thoughts of you will stay with us, your innocence won't fade
You are forever in our hearts, our friend and daughter Jade
Written for a special person who has left us too young and too soon
kirk May 2019
I've walked with Ice by my side, for so many years
When you were a young dog, to days that bring sad tears
I can't escape my feelings, and I can't escape my fears
Hearts are scorched and burnt away, and flaking in the sears

With Ice by my side, it was only a small slice
Life is cruel as times progress, with rolls of the dice
My happiness is taken, and it comes at a high price
Now my heart has melted, just like the life of Ice

I see your spirit everywhere, because I can not release my bond
You are there inside the house, and laying by the pond
My Ice has left, she had to leave, and physically abscond
A part of me is missing, and my mind does not respond

It hurts to know you are gone, but it's the cards we're dealt
A moment of time that's lost, and nothing else is felt
I used to call you Woolly, now your part of the mystic belt
A comet amongst the stars, but it's hearts that begin to melt

You have been my faithful friend, and I have been your guide
There is a void of emptiness, across my life's divide
I will see you again, but it's when the fates decide
And I'll wander in the afterlife, with Ice by my side
For a friend who lost their dog "Ice", a companion and friend they had for many years, this poem is for them
kirk Apr 2019
As I gaze into the stars, what lays beyond the night
Visions on a distant dream, a spark of gleaming light
Is there universal life, why is everything so bright
Colours drained across the sky, nothing but impending white

I stare out of the window pain, I wander what's beyond
What's inside the shimmering light, what's behind that tranquil pond
I'm transfixed I can not move, my body does not respond
A pulsating flash is seen, but I can not abscond

The window cracks and shatters, and I have no strength or power
Pieces of a tormented mind, float amongst the glass shard shower
Has true reality been lost, this is my most desperate hour
Nothing else is seen within, what does the light devour

The drowsiness inside my head, or am I just mistaken
I am dreaming bygone dreams, will I ever be awaken
My feelings are forgotten, once again I have been taken
Is my mind fully intact, my journey is now forsaken

Voices are heard amongst the sounds, of close and distant screams
The presence of cold grey hearts, are drifting in my dreams
Visions seen through a clouded haze, nothing is what it seems
Piercing eyes of deepen black, skin shinning though the beams

Flickering lights a small movement, I am the victim of damnation
I unravel piece by piece, experiments undo all creation
What's the purpose of abduction, I have a metal implantation
My humanity is being removed, I no longer have salvation

I can't escape my tortured soul, while I am laying here
Time stands still within these walls, along with all my fear
Feeling afraid and vulnerable , but I can not shed a tear
Helpless to my abductors, I am taken year by year

Are human abductees taken, to cause humanities own destruction
And implants placed under the skin, to send people an instruction
I am always taken back, a time before my last seduction
The light will come for me again, upon my next abduction
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